(no subject)
Soon I will have enouhg cash to get my own place and I refuse to have any sort of roommates or anything like that. Finally, some desperately needed breathing room. I suppose in a way I just want to build my own Ivory Tower to hide in, but hey what's so bad about that? If it makes you happy....
I'm always feeling the need to be left alone. And yet, if I feel someone needs me I have to be there for them. It's so hard to turn my back on other's needs, even if the contradict my own. I'm quite determined now to keep such distractions away. I will not even entertain the notion of another "romance" it all ends the same really, they die like Valentine's Day flowers, wilted, dried and tragic. I'm going to have to be very, very upfront with any guy I meet that he knows that I am absolutely NOT interested in long term, commited boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I will no longer allow people to think they've fallen in love with me. I can't take it anymore, always feeling the death of things, seeing the end before its even begun. Better to prevent it all in the first place.
It's funny, the difference of being alone and being lonely. I don't really get lonely. I've had other people not be able to understand that idea, of being alone and not being lonely. "Everyone wants someone to go home to..." But I really don't. Maybe that means I'm selfish, I just don't feel the need for a "someone" in my life. I think aabout people wishing for "someone" and to me it sounds like they're ready to take anyone that gets 2 out of 3 of their criteria for love. I just want to be left alone.
I guess really I like it because it givesme freedom to live inside my own little worl that I feel is so much nicer than the own outhside. It gives me more room to breathe and energy to create. I always reach a creative stale when I'm with someone, all my energy goes into them.
I'm always feeling the need to be left alone. And yet, if I feel someone needs me I have to be there for them. It's so hard to turn my back on other's needs, even if the contradict my own. I'm quite determined now to keep such distractions away. I will not even entertain the notion of another "romance" it all ends the same really, they die like Valentine's Day flowers, wilted, dried and tragic. I'm going to have to be very, very upfront with any guy I meet that he knows that I am absolutely NOT interested in long term, commited boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I will no longer allow people to think they've fallen in love with me. I can't take it anymore, always feeling the death of things, seeing the end before its even begun. Better to prevent it all in the first place.
It's funny, the difference of being alone and being lonely. I don't really get lonely. I've had other people not be able to understand that idea, of being alone and not being lonely. "Everyone wants someone to go home to..." But I really don't. Maybe that means I'm selfish, I just don't feel the need for a "someone" in my life. I think aabout people wishing for "someone" and to me it sounds like they're ready to take anyone that gets 2 out of 3 of their criteria for love. I just want to be left alone.
I guess really I like it because it givesme freedom to live inside my own little worl that I feel is so much nicer than the own outhside. It gives me more room to breathe and energy to create. I always reach a creative stale when I'm with someone, all my energy goes into them.