Fanfiction || Amphierotic Bloodlines || Bellatrix/Narcissa || Part Thirty One
Title: Amphierotic Bloodlines
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Length Thus Far: 229,801 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, addiction, anorexia nervosa, forced miscarriage, character death (minor), first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. There will be a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT | PART NINE | PART TEN | PART ELEVEN | PART TWELVE | PART THIRTEEN | PART FOURTEEN | PART FIFTEEN | PART SIXTEEN | PART SEVENTEEN | PART EIGHTEEN | PART NINETEEN | PART TWENTY | PART TWENTY ONE | PART TWENTY TWO | PART TWENTY THREE | PART TWENTY FOUR | PART TWENTY FIVE | PART TWENTY SIX | PART TWENTY SEVEN | PART TWENTY EIGHT | PART TWENTY NINE | PART THIRTY
CHAPTER FORTY SIX
Explaining what had happened to her wasn’t the funnest moment of Narcissa’s life.
“You and your sister got into a fight,” Lucius repeated dryly, looking at Narcissa like he had half a mind to never allow her to see Bellatrix again; which, ultimately, was not Narcissa’s goal in all this. The only problem was, every other excuse she had thought up sounded like a huge lie. At least this was believable.
Maybe a bit too believable.
“To work out our issues!” Narcissa exclaimed for the second time, needing him to understand that. It made more sense that way, right?
“And you both couldn’t use your words for that like normal people?” Lucius asked, this look of absolute horror on his face that made Narcissa uneasy; perhaps this really wasn’t the route to go. It was too late now though.
“Sure, because Bellatrix is excellent at verbal communication,” Narcissa replied sarcastically, straightening out the bottom of her dress in a huff. While she no longer looked a wreck (Lucius had insisted he take her to St. Mungo’s to heal her when she woke up the next morning), her lower extremities were still incredibly sore from the rough shag she had been dealt and it was a bit difficult to sit correctly. She kept shifting around in her seat, making a silent excuse by fixing her dress, and though she was sure Lucius noticed it, he didn’t comment.
“So this was her idea of a ‘good solution’, was it?” Lucius snapped, obviously furious with the abuse his wife-to-be had been dealt.
“No, it was mine!” Narcissa exclaimed, quickly growing frustrated. Lucius practically gawked at her for that answer and she sighed. “Look, I know you’re never going to understand; you didn’t grow up the way we did. But Bella and I were abused, Lucius; not just at the end of a wand but like muggles as well. And when we did we… we clung to each other.” Narcissa looked down at her lap, trying not to remember exactly how horrible it was. “I suppose part of us never stopped clinging; if that makes sense. And I just thought that if perhaps we were the one’s abusing each other, we’d have to learn to stand on our own. We’d stop holding on to one another.”
She fought the urge to congratulate her own brilliance with that one. It was a load of shit, of course; but it actually sounded plausible. She should be a bloody politician.
Lucius, however, didn’t seem ready to throw a parade over her ‘brilliant’ solution. His face was stony as he stared at her from across the table, silent. “And?” he asked after a moment, crossing his arms over his chest.
“And… I think it helped. A lot, actually,” Narcissa answered, trying to make her voice as sincere as possible. It was obvious Lucius was scrutinizing this whole thing. Another long stretch of silence washed through the room and Narcissa tried hard not to fidget in her seat. She felt like she was on trial. Granted, she understood it was because he bloody cared, but regardless.
Finally Lucius voiced, “I don’t like it.” Narcissa’s stomach dropped a little, but she tried to keep her face neutral. But Lucius wasn’t finished. “I don’t like it, but I can’t deny that somehow your warped little reason makes some form of sense. It’s obviously not the healthiest thing in the world, but I do understand where you were coming from. However,” he stressed, making Narcissa’s internal victory dance stop mid-step, “Be sure to tell your sister that if she ever lays a hand on you again, for therapeutic purposes or not, she’ll have me to deal with. I will not see you come home beat to shit just because you believe it’s good for you. Understood?”
It was sweet in a way; his protectiveness of her. However, Narcissa was sure that Lucius knew just as well as she did that if he ever did find himself toe to toe with Bellatrix; she would come out the victor. Still, she wasn’t going to voice that out loud. Instead she smiled at him softly and consented, “Understood.”
“Good,” Lucius responded, seemingly a little surprised she agreed that quickly. “Well… then I’m glad we had this discussion. I have to get to work, but I will see you after your lesson, yes?” Narcissa pursed her lips, nodding as she watched Lucius rise from the table to come over and give her a kiss on the cheek.
My god, she was turning into such a little liar, wasn’t she? Yet in all honesty, she found a large part of her couldn’t care in the slightest.
The one thing Narcissa hoped would change a little after her and Bellatrix’s time together was the way she treated her during Occlumency lessons. Apparently that was a little bit too much to wish for though, because Bellatrix was just as harsh as she had always been. Then again, she was also in a very foul mood and Narcissa’s amusement over the situation wasn’t helping matters.
Apparently there were complications in getting Bellatrix’s… private areas back to normal. If the Healer’s shrunk her clit back to a normal size all in one go, that ran the risk of some of her skin becoming, well, rather flabby. That was mostly in part to Bellatrix not even performing the spell correctly due to what they assumed was ‘a lack of concentration at the time’. Which was an understatement, really; when Bellatrix was consumed with lust nothing else really mattered. So instead, she had to drink this foul tasting potion that shrunk it gradually, which wasn’t fast enough for Bellatrix apparently.
“This isn’t funny, Cissy; I have to pee standing up!” Bellatrix shouted, annoyed by Narcissa’s laughter. However, that information only prompted her to break out into another bout of uncontrollable giggling. Bellatrix glared at her.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Narcissa tried to apologize through her laughter, holding up her hand as she was practically doubled over due to the hilarity.
“You know, I think I liked you better when you were freaking out about this,” Bellatrix responded, crossing her arms over her chest in a huff.
Narcissa bit her lower lip hard, trying desperately to stop laughing because she could see how annoyed her sister was. After taking a moment to collect herself, she straightened up and came over to her. “Hey… I’m sorry,” she apologized sweetly, shooting her an innocent look. “But you did say that the Healers guaranteed the potion would work, so can you really blame me for seeing the funny in all of this?”
Bellatrix gave her a grumpy look, but she shrugged half-heartedly. “Maybe it was a little funny when a seventy year old Healer was trying to suggest in this roundabout sort of a way that I purchase myself a strap-on instead.”
Narcissa covered her mouth, both out of shock and amusement. “Are you serious?”
Bellatrix smirked. “Apparently I was not the first person to attempt such a spell. In fact, by the looks on their faces, I’m actually pretty sure they see this sort of thing a lot.” Narcissa’s eyebrows rose in surprise and Bellatrix shrugged, “I suppose that’s also why they could guarantee that the potion worked. Still, while that gives me hope that the lesbian population of the world isn’t as small as I originally thought, trying to hide this thing is bloody difficult; I can’t even walk correctly.”
Narcissa resisted the urge to laugh, it coming out as a small snort instead. Bellatrix shot her a furious look and Narcissa instantly rearranged her face into one of sympathy. “I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s frustrating,” she told her. But then she smirked as she slid her hand up Bellatrix’s arm, leaning in seductively before whispering in her ear, “But I can’t complain much, because that was the hottest sex I’ve ever had in my life…” She figured stroking her sister’s ego would work; it usually did, after all.
Unfortunately, this time it didn’t.
“That’s because you like dick,” Bellatrix responded flatly, not looking happy about that fact. “Which is bloody disgusting, if you ask me; such a filthy thing to put inside your body.”
Narcissa sighed softly, pulling away from her. “It’s not because I like dick, Bella; it’s because I like you.” She wished Bellatrix understood that more, but she had just as much of a crap self-esteem as Narcissa did; she just would never admit to it. “I don’t care what you have down there, honestly; I still think you’re the sexiest person I’ve ever seen in my life - man or woman.”
“Whatever,” Bellatrix grumbled, clearly not wanting to get out of her foul mood. But perhaps she was just more comfortable with negative emotions, which would explain quite a lot about her personality actually. Narcissa watched her sister back up a couple steps before taking out her wand. “Come on,” Bellatrix told her, “We’re wasting time and I need to get you ready. This is far more important than my genitalia, no matter how ridiculous it may look right now.”
Narcissa was going to tell her that it didn’t look ridiculous, but she didn’t get the chance. Bellatrix had already invaded her mind without much warning, as she always did.
Though Bellatrix’s teaching methods were questionable at best, there was no denying that she was good. Narcissa made amazing progress in such a short amount of time, but even though she found herself able to block Bellatrix out of her mind by the time Lucius had his initiation ceremony, she was still nervous that she wouldn’t be good enough to block out Voldemort, should he take it upon himself to look. There was always the chance he wouldn’t of course, but nothing ever seemed to go right in Narcissa’s life, so why should it now?
Narcissa wasn’t sure whose manor they were in, but she was positive she was better off not knowing. It was entirely unpleasant, almost looking like a dungeon; the walls and floor were stone, it was much too dark than it really needed to be, and there was a cold draft coming from somewhere Narcissa had yet to determine. Wrapping her arms around herself, Narcissa shivered as she pressed herself further into Lucius’ side, trying to get some sense of comfort. But there wasn’t any; not here.
Lucius stood tall and proud, just as the two other figures did to his right; ready to be sworn in. Narcissa was surprised when she saw that they were the Carrow twins, as they had always seemed like their world revolved around each other and they couldn’t have cared less about anyone else, much less what was going on around them. Narcissa didn’t know them personally, nor had even spoken to them for that matter, but she had seen them around the Slytherin Common Room. They had just graduated; just as Lucius had.
Narcissa had expected Lucius’ two friends from school, Crabbe and Goyle, to be there as well - they had always done everything Lucius told them to, after all - but they were nowhere to be seen. Narcissa figured that was due to them being held back a year (they were rather thick), and the Dark Lord only wished to swear in those who had already completed their education. And with how stupid the two of them seemed, Narcissa had her doubts they would ever make it to this point.
It was entirely disconcerting, seeing all of the other Death Eaters lined up behind Voldemort, heads bowed. They were wearing dark robes and masks to cover their faces, though Narcissa didn’t see why they would have to; she assumed they all knew who each other were. But perhaps it was just ceremonial. Regardless, it made Narcissa uneasy that she could not identify her sister amongst them.
Narcissa wished more than anything that Voldemort hadn’t saved Lucius for last, as the screams coming from the twins as they were branded with their mark terrified Narcissa. She clung onto Lucius’ hand in a death grip, huddled into his side as she watched their faces contort with agony. It made her wish Lucius didn’t have to do this; she didn’t want to watch him in pain. It was obvious he looked a little apprehensive, but he made no indication that he wasn’t willing to go through it.
“Lucius,” the Dark Lord beckoned after he had finished with the twins, who were gripping their left forearms with a look of triumph and pride. They still looked to be in pain, but it seemed at least relatively more bearable now that the actual branding part had finished.
Lucius took a step forward, untangling Narcissa from him who intensely didn’t want to let him leave her side. But she let him go, knowing that this was his decision to make. Besides, she was more than aware of the consequences for betrayal.
“I pledge my undying allegiance to you, my Lord,” Lucius swore, bowing his head to the man that would now be his master. Narcissa tried to go to a happy place inside of her head as Lucius began to repeat the vow of eternal servitude that the others before him had. However, between hearing things like, “I am nothing but your humble servant” and “whether in life or the clutches death, my body will serve as an instrument for your noble cause,” Narcissa quickly found she didn’t actually have a happy place: the only two people who had ever made her happy had given their lives to serve him, and this was far from the definition of happiness.
Some parts of the vow had frightened her; it was obvious that they were pledging the willingness to die for his cause; or even die in his place, should the need arise. What was worse was that they swore allegiance even after death, which worried Narcissa that should her sister or fiancée die; even then they would not be allowed comfort or peace. She had heard about dark things such as Inferi, and it worried her that their bodies would be used for that purpose after their passing. The thought sickened her.
Narcissa tried to watch as Lucius was branded with his mark, but his screams of agony made her shut her eyes and look away. She focused on trying to breathe so as to not vomit, but it was incredibly difficult. She wanted to run to him, scream for Voldemort to stop hurting him. It took all of her willpower to stay rooted to the spot and only once Lucius’ screams died down, did she allow herself to look back.
She will never forget the sight of Lucius’ arm, nor the look of pride he wore when it finally hit him that he was, now and forever, part of something greater than himself; something that would change the world. Narcissa could only hope that it truly was for the better, despite all the badness that surrounded it.
Following the ceremony, there was a small celebration of sorts. The Death Eaters had all removed their masks, passing around drinks and they congratulated the newest members into their group. Bellatrix stayed away from Narcissa, not wanting to arouse any suspicion that they were still in regular contact, and so Narcissa stood by Lucius’ side, being the supportive partner that she was expected to be.
“Does it still hurt?” Narcissa asked in a whisper, looking at Lucius with concern. She touched his arm lightly, trying to comfort him without being completely overbearing, as they were in public.
“It’s nothing I can’t manage,” Lucius responded, his own tone low so as not to be overhead. “But I would ask that you do not coddle me. You are to stand by my side while we are here; nothing more.”
Narcissa let out a small sigh, but nodded her consent. She understood; appearances were everything and it would embarrass him, should anyone hear that she was practically mothering him. But she couldn’t help it; she hated to see him in pain.
“Brought your girlfriend, did you, Malfoy?” The tone was snide and condescending and Narcissa shot Amycus a look of distain as he and his sister approached them. “I was not aware that she was interested in joining our cause.”
“Fiancée,” Lucius corrected stiffly. “Narcissa and I are to wed next year.”
“Then you are to get your mark?” Alecto questioned, looking Narcissa over like she instantly mistrusted her for whatever reason. Narcissa didn’t enjoy being scrutinized in such a manner; it seemed extremely rude.
“No,” she answered cordially, though she much rather would have given back the same tone she was receiving. However, she was a lady; and so obviously their better, be they pureblood or not. “I merely support Lucius in whatever he does; same as I support my sister Bellatrix.” She accented Bellatrix’s name on purpose and it did not go unnoticed. Even amongst the newer Death Eaters, she seemed to have a reputation that no one wanted to cross. The twins shared a look.
“You’re a Black then,” Amycus commented, not sounding extremely pleased about the matter. He did, however, keep most of the rudeness out of his tone this time, though probably in fear of what Bellatrix would do to him if she found him harassing her little sister.
“Yes,” Narcissa stated proudly.
“And where is your wife-to-be, Amycus?” Lucius asked snidely. “Surely she… oh, that’s right; you still have yet to find your blushing bride. How terribly embarrassing, I do hope you’ll forgive me bringing it up.”
Narcissa had to use all the strength she had inside of her not to burst out laughing. The look on Amycus’ face was of one death, and yet he refrained from lashing out at Lucius. Narcissa was surprised; she had assumed the twins did not have a proper upbringing, as they came from a family with neither abundant wealth nor power. Still, she supposed pureblooded values should be passed down regardless of all that.
“My sister and I feel no need to take partners; we have each other,” Amycus responded, tightlipped. Narcissa’s eyebrows rose at that. How could they not want a partner? She found the idea unfathomable; it was shameful to find one’s self unwed.
“I don’t understand,” Alecto interjected finally. She had been staring at Narcissa very strangely - as if she was trying to figure her out - ever since the last time she had spoken. Narcissa had tried to ignore it, but now she was forced to look at her as she was addressed directly. “If you aren’t planning to join, you should not be here. I heard some of the older Death Eaters comment on it as well; your appearance during this ceremony is strange.”
“She came because she was invited, Alecto.”
Narcissa noticeably stiffened as she heard the voice of Lord Voldemort behind her. However, she was not alone. Alecto quickly shut her mouth, looking fearful that she had been overhead questioning the Dark Lord’s wishes.
“She is as much a vital part of our cause as anyone in this room,” Voldemort went on; in a tone that instantly caused Alecto to bow her head as a silent apology. “But if you feel you have reason to dispute her presence…” His lingering words carried a hint of a threat and Alecto immediately started mumbling hasty apologies.
“No, my Lord. I sincerely apologize; it was not my intent to question your decision. I spoke foolishly and without thought.”
“See that it doesn’t happen again.”
Alecto murmured her agreement that it would not before hastily backing away with her brother, leaving the Dark Lord alone with her and Lucius. Narcissa swallowed hard and tried to remember everything Bellatrix had taught her as she turned around, rearranging her expression into one of respect before looking upon the one man who frightened her more than anything else in this world.
“You must be very proud of your fiancée,” Voldemort stated, looking down at Narcissa with an unreadable expression, “to have come this far.”
“Of course,” Narcissa responded, putting every effort into not making her voice shake. “Lucius has always had great ambition; and what pleases him, pleases me.”
Voldemort seemed amused by this answer. “Spoken like a wife,” he commented, seemingly meaning more than his words expressed. Narcissa didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad thing, but hoped for the former. “And when is the happy occasion?” His question sounded rather mocking, but it was better to be mocked than killed.
Lucius seemed a bit surprised that he even asked, but answered, “We have not yet set a date, though it will be sometime in the summer after Narcissa has graduated.”
“You will be having children soon after, presumably?”
Lucius’ eyes shifted to Narcissa’s, as if in a silent apology as he bowed his head in obedience and responded, “Not if that displeases you, my Lord.” His answer made Narcissa’s eyes go wide; he would really let the Dark Lord dictate his marriage as well?
“This world is in desperate need of those pure in blood,” Voldemort responded, making Lucius exhale a tiny breath of relief before looking back up at him. “With all this filthy muggle-mating spreading like a sickness amongst our people, I fear that we are a dying race.” His eyes shifted to Narcissa then, a look on his face like he knew she had not yet told Lucius of their arrangement. “I expect you both to see that the word ‘pureblood’ does not lose its meaning to the generations to come.”
“Of course, my Lord,” Lucius obliged readily. Narcissa merely nodded her consent, not trusting her voice.
“It was most unfortunate to hear your sister is barren,” Voldemort went on, looking directly at Narcissa, whose eyes widened of their own accord. “I do hope the same ailment does not afflict you.”
“I…” Narcissa started, seemingly at loss for words for a moment. Her sister was barren? Was that the truth, or was just a lie she told him to justify her lack of pureblooded children? “N-No,” she stumbled finally. “I do not believe it does.”
Voldemort looked across the room at Bellatrix, who was speaking with Rodolphus and another Death Eater over in the corner, before focusing back on Narcissa. “Strange…” he commented, “that she has yet to personally congratulate you both. I would have thought her to be the first over here.”
Narcissa instantly shielded her mind as she felt him start to break in. It took every ounce of her concentration, of her strength, and she found she couldn’t speak less she wished to break it. It was harder than anything else, trying to keep him out; he was so strong. But she knew she either had to do this or die and under that ultimatum she seemed to be able to keep him at bay. It was amazing, how strong-willed one could be when faced with death.
Lucius realized it was taking too much of Narcissa’s effort to keep him out so he answered for her quickly, “Narcissa and her sister have started leading separate lives; as they are no longer children, it seemed only appropriate.”
Suddenly the assault stopped as Voldemort diverted his gaze to Lucius, then back at her. “So it would seem,” he commented in a tone that gave away nothing about what he thought about the matter.
Narcissa was afraid the memory she planted for him - the night her and Bellatrix broke up - did not succeed. Bellatrix did not have a lot of time to teach her that technique and even when Narcissa tried to do it with her, the planted memory tended to fail more than it succeeded. Voldemort’s expression however gave no indication that he was aware he was being lied to. But then again, perhaps it didn’t matter much to him at the moment. He did, after all, expect her first-born child; if she were dead then that would never happen. Still, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be killed the moment after it was born and so Narcissa made a mental note to beg Bellatrix to teach her everything about the art until she was just as skilled as she. If she learned nothing else in her life, she needed to learn that.
Voldemort left them shortly after the exchange and Narcissa found she could finally breathe. At least, that was until Lucius turned to her and questioned, “What did he mean, ‘she’s as much a vital part of our cause as anyone in this room’? You haven’t promised him anything, have you?” He looked worried as he pressed, “Narcissa?”
Her heart was beating a thousand miles an hour in her chest but she turned to Lucius, feigning a look of innocence. “Of course not,” she lied, feeling sick to her stomach as the words fell from her lips. “I’m not sure what he meant, honestly.”
Lucius looked like he wanted to believe her, but the doubt still showed in his eyes. It killed her, to see him mistrust her so, even if it was warranted. But she couldn’t tell him then; it wasn’t the right time. Then again, Narcissa didn’t know if she would ever be able to find the right time. How do you tell someone you sold his child?
Two week later, she was still pondering that as she stared out at the river, watching the breeze make ripples upon the water’s surface. She had come there once again to give Lucius the impression she was still seeing a Soul Mender, as she had yet to find the courage to tell him she had stopped attending. Gliding her hand over the tips of the grass, she sighed and wished she had the courage to tell him quite a lot of things. It seemed the longer time passed, the more secrets she began to hide from him. Lucius was supposed to be the one person she trusted most in the world, yet she found herself feeling quite alone with her burdens. She hated it, though she knew it was only this way because she had made it so.
Narcissa looked behind her as she heard someone approaching. Her eyes went wide when she set sight on her sister, who casually strode up to her and found a seat to her right. “Bella?” she questioned, wondering what she was doing here.
“You’ve been missing your Soul Mender appointments,” Bellatrix said, looking out at the river. Narcissa looked surprised. She wasn’t expecting that, of all things.
“I wasn’t aware you knew I had them.”
“I know everything about your life, love,” Bellatrix answered, turning her head to look at her. “I make a point to.” Picking up a rock, she turned it over in her hand, smoothing her thumb over the flatness before throwing it out into the water. Narcissa watched it skip the water three times before it sank to the bottom of the river. “Why haven’t you been going?”
“How did you even know I would be here?” Narcissa countered, wondering that most of all. She had never told anyone about this place; not even her sister. Bellatrix smirked.
“I know you like the water. It wasn’t exactly hard; this was the only body of water for miles.” She raised an eyebrow at Narcissa before continuing, “Now are you going to answer my question?”
Narcissa sighed, leaning back on her elbows in the grass as she stared at a tree in the distance. She didn’t know why Bellatrix even cared. She shrugged as she responded, “I don’t feel the need to relive my past.” Bellatrix looked like she was going to comment, but Narcissa suddenly followed that up with, “Why didn’t you tell me you were barren?”
“What?” Bellatrix asked, her voice instantly defensive. “Who told you that?”
“The Dark Lord.”
“…Oh.”
Nothing followed that statement so Narcissa looked at her, annoyance flashing across her features. “Oh?” she repeated. “That’s all you’re going to give me? Oh?”
“Well what do you want me to say, Cissy? You know I’ve never wanted to have children,” Bellatrix replied, brushing it off. She looked away from her and picked up another rock, sending it skipping across the water.
“I’m aware,” Narcissa responded carefully, gauging her sister’s reaction. “But one doesn’t usually know they’re barren unless they’ve tried to conceive.”
Bellatrix was silent for a long time.
“Bella?”
Bellatrix let out an annoyed sigh before flopping down on her back, looking up at the sky. “It wasn’t my decision,” she answered finally, keeping her gaze trained above instead of at her sister.
“Rodolphus?”
Bellatrix shook her head. “Like I would care what that prat wanted. No… the Dark Lord wished us to conceive so we may give Him the child. Rodolphus and I never wanted children, so it would be of no loss to us to hand one over. If it strengthened our cause, I was happy to oblige.”
Narcissa felt a little ill at her words. So it wasn’t just her child that Voldemort wanted; he seemed to be collecting them. For what though, Narcissa was sure she didn’t want to know; the knowledge may just kill her. As selfish as it was, she knew she would have a lot less guilt if she stayed unaware of the purpose these children would serve.
“Unfortunately,” Bellatrix went on sourly, “though we tried many times, Rodolphus and I could not seem to conceive. Healers eventually determined it was me who was infertile; and what’s funny about it is that apparently I really am allergic to men.” She chuckled, albeit a little bitterly, before noticing the confused look on Narcissa’s face. “I have a sperm allergy, I guess,” Bellatrix explained. “My body produces stuff to kill sperm cells, which means they’ll even kick the crap out of a fertilized egg because of what it’s made up of. My body literally eats babies.” She laughed, sounding annoyed yet still amused at the same time. “But that bloody figures, right? With who I am and everything.”
Narcissa stared at her sister. That was horrible; she couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have her body reject procreation in such a way. Though she knew it wasn’t enough, Narcissa didn’t really know what to say other than, “I’m sorry.” But Bellatrix just scoffed at that.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, Cissy; I never cared to have brats of my own. I’m only angry that I couldn’t produce what was expected of me. I don’t like failing Him.”
Narcissa didn’t understand for the life of her how Bellatrix could feel that way. Then again, they always had two very different views on what leading a proper life meant. Regardless, even with knowing that, it still sickened Narcissa a little that her sister obviously cared very little about what would have happened to that child should she had been able to conceive it, whereas Narcissa could do nothing but worry.
After a moment’s silence, Narcissa questioned disbelievingly, “So you really had sex with Rodolphus?” She didn’t know whether to be jealous or to feel badly for Bellatrix.
“God, don’t remind me,” Bellatrix groaned, covering her face with her hands for a moment before sliding them down her cheeks. “It was bloody awful. I honestly don’t know how you stand it, Cissy; it was like being humped by a walrus.”
Narcissa snorted despite herself, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.
“And what’s worse,” Bellatrix went on, scrunching up her nose in distaste, “is even though it’s obvious we’ll never conceive, he keeps wanting to bloody try. It’s quite pathetic really, the way he’s been trying to coerce me into bed.”
Narcissa stared at her; not believing her sister could really be that thick. “Bella… I don’t believe this has anything to do with trying to conceive despite the odds; I’m pretty sure he just wants to fuck you.” That thought made the pit of Narcissa’s stomach burn with jealously but she suppressed it; Bellatrix obviously had no desire to fuck him, nor anyone else of the male species, so it was unwarranted.
Bellatrix looked up at her oddly. “Why? I’m hardly a good lay.” Narcissa outright scoffed at that and Bellatrix waved her hand. “No, I mean with him. Trust me, I know I’m fucking fantastic with you.” Well, good to know Bellatrix didn’t have any self-esteem issues in that area. Jeez. “Seriously, Cissy; I just lie there and tell him to get it over with,” Bellatrix continued. “I can hardly see how that’s something he’d desire to have on a regular basis, there’s absolutely no passion involved.”
“Well perhaps he just likes to see you naked,” Narcissa commented a little bitterly, focusing her gaze back out at the water. “Your body is rather beautiful, after all.”
“Yeah well, he can take a sodding photograph if that’s the case,” Bellatrix replied, idly pulling up blades of grass. “Besides, I hardly think my body constitutes as beautiful right now, with what I’ve done to it lately.”
Narcissa looked over at her. “You’re still not back to normal?” she would have thought by now she would have been, but then again it wasn’t her who received the estimate.
“Nearly,” Bellatrix replied, shrugging. “I mean, it’s not a complete fuckfest down there but my clit still is abnormally large. It’s just frustrating,” she went on with a sigh, picking up another rock and throwing it into the water. Instead of skipping, this one just sank to the bottom. “I haven’t had sex since the last time with you; I’m not used to going this long, but I don’t even want whores to see what I’ve done to my body. It’s just…”
“Embarrassing?” Narcissa finished for her, knowing Bellatrix didn’t like admitting to such things. Her sister merely shrugged in response, which was enough of a yes for her. “You could have sex with me, if you wanted,” Narcissa told her, her cheeks turning a bit pink as she ran the flat of her hand over the grass blades. “You know I won’t judge you; I’d shag you regardless of what you have going on down there.”
“I know, Cissy,” Bellatrix said softly, but said nothing else about the matter to indicate whether or not she was even debating on taking her up on the offer. Narcissa let out a small breath, turning her face to the clouds. It was going to rain soon.
“So… how long did you and Rodolphus try for, if you don’t mind me asking?” Narcissa inquired carefully, making sure to keep her voice relatively even sounding.
Bellatrix smirked. “You just want to know how many times we had sex.”
“No! I was just… curious, okay? Never mind,” Narcissa grumbled, violently pulling up a fistful of grass and throwing it a couple feet away from her. Bellatrix smirked at her tiny temper tantrum.
“You were in school when it started,” she answered, shrugging lightly. “I’m not sure when exactly; a couple months before you came home for summer leave last year and saw me fucked to hell. We started trying again after I got out of the hospital, but found out about the infertility in May. I really don’t know how many times it was, but I can assure you it was more than what I would have liked.”
Suddenly the interaction Narcissa had with Rodolphus last year made a lot more sense. The look on his face when she had said, “You're not sleeping with her; you've never even had an interest to!” She had wondered about that, but honestly didn’t find it much of a priority because, well, it was Rodolphus.
But apparently, he was sleeping with her at the time. But why didn’t he just say something? Bellatrix is his wife; surely it was kind of expected for them to, regardless of Narcissa knowing her sister’s true orientation. But perhaps due to the purposes the sex was intended for - to hand a child over to the Dark Lord - he found it less complicated to just say nothing. And you know what? Fine, he was allowed to.
But her… “You should have told me, Bella,” Narcissa said, trying to mask the hurt from her voice yet failing miserably. “I can’t believe you kept something of that magnitude from me. From me.”
“Contrary to what you sometimes like to believe, Cissy; we are not actually married.”
“That’s not the point-”
“Isn’t it?” Bellatrix countered, rounding on her. “You think you actually have some kind of right to know what goes on in my life, when in reality, the only one who actually has that right is my husband. Which you, darling, are not.”
Narcissa shook her head before laughing bitterly. “I can’t believe you actually have the audacity to say something like that to me, when you’ve already admitted you, what was it? Oh right, ‘make a point to know everything about my life’. I’m sorry, but do you foolishly believe you are my husband?”
“That’s different-”
“The only difference is that I merely wish you would tell me what was going on, whereas when I don’t tell you, you go behind my back for information and then follow me places like some sort of deranged stalker.”
“Yeah well, I am deranged, aren’t I?” Bellatrix countered angrily.
“That’s the thing, Bella; you’re not,” Narcissa replied softly, looking her straight in the eyes. “Not anymore.”
No matter how much Bellatrix wished it, that excuse would no longer hold up, seeing as she had regained her sanity; or at least a very large part of it, anyway. So it was obvious Bellatrix checked up on her because she, just like Narcissa, believed they were each other’s property; therefore having a right to know what went on when they weren’t around. And without the excuse of being insane, without the excuse of doing things without thought or reason, it made it fairly obvious why it was happening.
Which was probably why, for the first time, Bellatrix stayed silent; having finally found that she ran out of excuses.
GO TO PART THIRTY TWO...