Fanfiction || Amphierotic Bloodlines || Bellatrix/Narcissa || Part Twenty Nine
Title: Amphierotic Bloodlines
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): supershineygirl (chapter two), dolfynrider (chapter three & onwards)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Length Thus Far: 217,334 words
Main Pairing: Bellatrix/Narcissa
Sub Pairings: Narcissa/Lucius, Narcissa/OC, Bellatrix/OC, Bellatrix/Rodolphus
Summary: Growing up in the 1960s in a family that expected nothing less than perfection, anything less than such was deemed unfit for a young woman of their status and was punished severely. A house that was classified as 'noble' had dark secrets hidden within those walls, a fear that only the people within experienced. The confusion young girls have growing up was more than intensified in there: it bordered on practically unbearable. This is a story about growing up, about surviving abuse, and about finding salvation and love from anyone you can, even if it’s from the last person on earth you know you should ever hold a deep affection for.
Warning(s): Lesbian incest, graphic child abuse, dubcon, sex between minors, addiction, anorexia nervosa, forced miscarriage, character death (minor), first chapter is un-beta’d
A/N: For NaNoWriMo 2010. This story is entirely from Narcissa’s POV (though not in first person) and will only include up to her graduation from Hogwarts. There will be a sequel later to cover her adult years, but for now I think this is more than enough.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT | PART NINE | PART TEN | PART ELEVEN | PART TWELVE | PART THIRTEEN | PART FOURTEEN | PART FIFTEEN | PART SIXTEEN | PART SEVENTEEN | PART EIGHTEEN | PART NINETEEN | PART TWENTY | PART TWENTY ONE | PART TWENTY TWO | PART TWENTY THREE | PART TWENTY FOUR | PART TWENTY FIVE | PART TWENTY SIX | PART TWENTY SEVEN | PART TWENTY EIGHT
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CHAPTER FORTY FOUR
“Narcissa, you need to clear your mind,” Lucius chided for nearly the eighteenth time, sighing tiredly. He had been trying to teach her Occlumency for the better part of the last hour, which wasn’t going very well. Narcissa had too much on her mind to even attempt to clear it, and besides that, Lucius wasn’t very good at Legilimency. He knew the basic concept, but had never performed it until now. He could only read her current thoughts when he broke in; not walk through her memories with incredible ease as Lord Voldemort could. Therefore, it was obvious Lucius thought this whole thing was a waste of time.
“I’m trying,” Narcissa snapped, frustrated yet still determined. She needed to learn this; there was the strong possibility Narcissa would see the Dark Lord again and should he try to pry into her head, she needed to be able to block him out. “Again,” she instructed.
Lucius exhaled a long breath before consenting, pointing his wand at her. Narcissa tried to think of nothing, keeping herself absolutely still while Lucius cast, “Legilimens!” But even as they tried again, Narcissa was starting to come to the realization that this probably was pointless; she needed someone advanced in the art to properly teach her, and Lucius was not that person.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Lucius responded to her thoughts, seemingly a little irritated it took Narcissa this long to come to that conclusion. He put down his wand in a huff before he added, “And you’re absolutely rubbish at clearing your mind. You really need to learn how to focus or you’ll never master Occlumency.”
“Well excuse me, but I seem to be having a hard time dealing with the fact that because people bloody care about me, I now have a death sentence!” Narcissa shouted, pushing a pillow off the bed in frustration. It was Christmas Eve and instead of spending it at home, she was living in the Leaky Cauldron like… like some kind of commoner.
Lucius looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry, we should have told you…”
“Yes, you should have!” Narcissa exclaimed, slamming her hands down on the bed in a rage. “All of this could have been avoided if you and my sodding sister would have just stopped with your goddamn hero complex. I am not a damsel in distress, Lucius! I can bloody well take care of myself!”
“I never said you couldn’t…!”
“And now I’m never going to see Bellatrix again, I’m stuck living in filth like some kind of worthless mudblood-”
“We’ll get a house soon,” Lucius readily promised, but Narcissa was barely listening to him; she was just angry and needed to lash out.
“-And unless I can learn Occlumency, all of this is useless because I’ll be dead anyway!”
Lucius slipped his hand over Narcissa’s trying to comfort her without being overbearing. He knew it was best to give her breathing room when she was like this; if she felt smothered than she would run. Still, he wanted to show her that he understood her fear. Narcissa’s eyes closed following her rant and she began to focus on slowing her breath; it wouldn’t do to have a panic attack.
“Bellatrix will teach you,” Lucius told her calmly, trying to calm her worries. “She’s the best at it next to the Dark Lord, alright? There’s no one better.” He paused for a moment before adding as an afterthought, “Please never tell her I said that; I try to make a point to not feed her already oversized ego.”
Narcissa let out a hard breath, feeling herself quickly becoming agitated once more. “And how will she be able to teach me, Lucius? She can’t be around me!”
“We’ll find a way,” Lucius promised, squeezing her hand in reassurance. “Trust me, we’ll find a way to make it happen. Perhaps if you met somewhere in secret…”
“It’s too risky!”
“So is leaving your mind undefended,” Lucius told her pointedly. “Even more so, in fact. If the Dark Lord hadn’t been specifically looking for information pertaining to Bellatrix, he would have been able to see that I love you as well. I think he would be less forgiving about romantic love than family love.”
Narcissa made a point to stay silent.
“And I’m sorry, but I’d rather see you distance yourself from your sister than see you dead. And that’s what you will be, should he ever find out my true feelings for you.”
Narcissa’s eyes flashed. “You’d rather see me distance myself from Bellatrix than anything, Lucius. Don’t pretend like you’re sorry for something I know you wanted to happen.”
Lucius, at least, had the decency to look a little ashamed. But he held himself tall, admitting, “It’s no secret your sister and I don’t get along. It also isn’t a secret that I’m sometimes worried by the way you two interact with each other. Rodolphus was right to-”
“Rodolphus had no right!” Narcissa shouted, an angry passion rising within her.
“It was his house!” Lucius reminded her sternly. “Let alone his bloody wife. He did what he thought was right for Bellatrix - I’m just glad it turned out to be something I thought was right for you as well. I’m sorry, but this needed to be done, Narcissa. Rodolphus and I had been discussing the problem with you both for a long time now-”
“Oh, wonderful,” Narcissa fumed, sarcasm tinting every word. “Great to know my fiancée and brother-in-law have been conspiring behind my back to rob me of my happiness. Lovely.”
“We weren’t doing it to hurt you!” Lucius exclaimed, growing more and more frustrated as this conversation began to take a turn for the worst. “But both you and your sister have severe attachment issues that need addressing. I’m sorry that this came about how it did, but this is an opportunity, Narcissa; not a punishment.”
“I’m practically in hiding, you ponce; how is that not a punishment?”
Lucius bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to stay calm. Narcissa knew she was being difficult, but this was hard on her. And instead of giving her a moment to adjust to the new situation, he was practically bombarding her with all this crap that she just didn’t need to hear right now.
“Look,” Lucius started, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know this probably isn’t the best time to bring it up, but since you’re already cross with me I suppose it won’t make much of a difference: I’ve decided that during the summer I’m going to send you to a Soul Mender.”
“Oh, you ‘decided’, did you?” Narcissa mocked heavily, offended that he believed he could run her sodding life. “I’m sorry, I must not have gotten the memo that you were just crowned king of the bloody world.” She bowed dramatically as she finished with, “I humbly apologize; my liege, lord, and savior.”
Lucius stared at her, unamused. “Okay, now you’re just abusing sarcasm.”
Narcissa snapped her head up, fire in her eyes. “Well what other kind of reaction did you think you were going to get? I’m not mental, Lucius! I’m not going to a sodding Soul Mender; I don’t need it!”
“I’m not committing you, Narcissa; I just think it would be a good idea if you had a professional help sort through your issues with you. You’d see them once a week, twice at most,” Lucius explained, struggling to keep himself calm even though Narcissa had done nothing but verbally abuse him. “And this isn’t all about your relationship with your sister, you know; you also had a traumatic childhood - and on top of that - an eating disorder.”
“Oh please,” Narcissa scoffed. “Don’t sit there and tell me your father never beat you; all purebloods beat their children. And, since you clearly haven’t noticed, I’ve been eating fine since Bellatrix regained her sanity.”
“Oh really?” Lucius countered disbelievingly. “Then why did the house elves in the kitchen inform me earlier that they have sent no food up to your room in the last three days you’ve been here?”
Narcissa opened her mouth in shock. “Are you checking up on me now? For fuck’s sake, Lucius-”
“Well someone bloody well has to, don’t they?!”
“-I’m just under a lot of stress right now; being on someone’s hit list doesn’t exactly give me much of a sodding appetite.”
“He’s not out to kill you yet!” Lucius exploded, fed up with it all. “This is just a sodding precaution. Stop making excuses, Narcissa; I’m growing tired of them. I’m also growing tired of being your fucking babysitter; it’s time for you to grow the hell up and deal with your problems like a proper woman.”
Narcissa gaped at him, apparently stunned temporarily mute by his harsh words. She expected such things from Bellatrix, but from him? He was supposed to be the nice one. It took a moment but Narcissa finally closed her mouth, but only so she could clench her jaw to keep herself from crying. She hadn’t expected to find herself hurt by his words, but she was. Terribly. She hated that he thought that badly of her; that he believed she had become some kind of burden to him.
Lucius’ anger diminished instantly when he saw the wounded look on his fiancée’s face. “Look,” he started slowly, calmly. “I’m not pretending that I’ve never been disciplined with force. My father did it sometimes, but he never punished me to the lengths your mother did to you and your sisters. What she did to you was inhuman, Narcissa; positively sickening. I’m not trying to diminish the horror you went through, all right? But you need to learn to work through all that if you ever expect to carry on a normal life.”
Narcissa bit the inside of her cheek hard, too focused on controlling her emotions to speak.
“Besides,” Lucius continued carefully, keeping a close eye on her reaction, “I’m positive that is where both your eating disorder and your unhealthy attachment to Bellatrix stem from; so I believe if we take care of the root problem, you’ll finally be able to live a happy, healthy life. Don’t you want that?”
All he was met with was silence.
“Narcissa?” he prodded gently, putting his hand on her thigh. Her head was cast downwards, her blonde hair spilling over her face so he couldn’t see her face. He furrowed his brow for a moment, until something wet hit his hand; a fallen tear. “Shit. I didn’t mean to…” he pursed his lips in guilt for a moment as he coaxed Narcissa to look at him. Though she was silent, tears ran down her cheeks and he automatically started to wipe them away. “I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to make you cry…”
Narcissa turned her face from him, feeling a bit foolish for her emotions. Feeling a bit like a child, which is what Lucius seemed to think she was anyway. She shrugged him off, shaking her head a bit as she furiously wiped at the tears falling from her eyes. “No, it’s not you. I’m sorry, it’s just…” she wracked her brain for some kind of proper lie, but all she came up with was, “God, I just want a bloody house!” The exclamation came bursting out with another sob, which she tried to suck up rather quickly as she put a hand over her mouth.
Lucius looked at her disbelievingly, yet amused; like being confronted by a toddler who means to be serious and yet only manages to make you laugh at how adorable they are. “You mean to tell me you’re crying because you want a house?”
Narcissa wiped away the last of her tears, insistent that she learn how to hold herself together. “Yes,” she lied in a soft voice. She knew Lucius didn’t believe her, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Crying because her fiancée thought she was childish only stood to enhance the belief that she, in fact, it was kind of childish. But at the same time, it wasn’t like Narcissa grew up in a safe environment in which to learn normal emotional behavior.
Lucius smiled at her softly, understanding that she felt more comfortable sticking to her lie. “Then I’ll buy you a house. I’ll buy you a sodding mansion, okay? I’ll even buy you five of them, if you so wish.” Narcissa nodded slightly, lips pursed together. “Come here,” he coaxed, taking Narcissa’s hand in his before gently pulling her towards him. He kissed her softly on the lips and Narcissa felt like breaking down again, but suppressed it.
When he pulled back he said, “There’s this property I’ve had my eye on for quite awhile. It’s in Wiltshire; four stories tall, nine bedrooms, six and a half bathrooms…”
“What are we going to do with nine bedrooms, Lucius?” Narcissa asked, sighing softly as she continued to dab at her eyes. She couldn’t find it in her to be excited about something like that right now; not when everything else was complete shit.
Lucius smirked. “Whatever we want, that’s the point. Narcissa, this place has the most elaborate garden you’ve ever seen, I swear it. There’s even a bloody fountain. Actually two, if I’m not mistaken. I honestly think you’ll love it; it’s a proper place to start a family.”
The word ‘family’ made Narcissa sick to her stomach, but she pushed through it and tried to keep her expression neutral, not wanting to alert Lucius that something was wrong. She couldn’t bear to have that conversation now.
So instead she looked at him carefully, arching an eyebrow. “So it’s beautiful,” Narcissa conceded. “That explains why I would like it, but why do you like it?”
Lucius fidgeted in his seat a little, looking a little uncomfortable. Narcissa arched her eyebrow further, waiting for an answer. Finally Lucius admitted, “It’s… big. Bigger than any other pureblooded manors I’ve seen, at least…”
Narcissa started at him for a moment before, suddenly, she burst out laughing. It was so unexpected that she nearly felt good for a second there, truly good; like nothing in the world was wrong. It was a lie of course, but it was a nice one to have for a moment.
“What?” Lucius asked, looking at little peeved because he was being laughed at.
“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized through giggles, covering her mouth to try to make herself stop. “But… but this is about your cock.” She nearly toppled over onto her side as she started laughing again, amused that it being big was Lucius’ driving force to purchase it.
“What? No it isn’t!” Lucius protested, though his cheeks did turn a bit pink. “I’m not trying to compensate or anything; you know that I’m above average in that area!” He paused for a second, seemingly having a moment of self-doubt as he stumbled over, “I mean, I… am, aren’t I?”
That only made Narcissa laugh harder, thinking it hilarious how defensive he was getting about the whole ordeal. “How many naked men do you think I’ve seen, Lucius?” Narcissa asked amidst giggles. “I wouldn’t know!” A self-conscious look flashed across Lucius’ features and Narcissa instantly felt bad, picking herself up off the bed so she could sit correctly. She tried to suppress her urge to laugh as she added in a more serious tone, “But it’s a very nice size for me, all right? You give me amazing orgasms when we’re in bed together, I assure you.”
Lucius merely looked a bit disgruntled in response.
“I didn’t mean that you were compensating for anything,” Narcissa tried to explain, no longer laughing but still sounding slightly amused. She couldn’t help it; it was funny. “I just meant you were trying to boast; I know that men use material possessions as metaphors for their cocks all the time, so don’t even bother denying it. Big, expensive, flashy; it’s all the same. And I know you want to have the biggest house of all the elitists because you want them to envy you. You want to throw it in their face that you can properly satisfy your wife, therefore implying they cannot.”
Lucius straightened up a bit, huffing, “Well what’s wrong with that? My father says a bit of competition is healthy; is it so bad that if I am to compete, I want to win?”
Narcissa smirked a little, amused by how much of a typical man Lucius could be sometimes. So in turn, she responded in a typical woman fashion with, “If that’s what makes you happy, dear.” It was meant to poke fun at him a bit, but she was serious; if buying large manors and expensive things made him happy, then who was she to complain? After all, it wasn’t often that Narcissa was envied herself and if she were to be honest, she would quite like to be. Even if her life continues to go to shit, she’d rather have a nice front to fall back on.
Lucius arched an eyebrow, picking up on the fact that she was poking fun at him a little. But Narcissa merely smiled sweetly at him and Lucius apparently decided that it didn’t matter if she was or wasn’t: she still consented. “So would you like to see it; the manor? We could go now, if you wish. Then if you like it, you’ll have a home of your own to come back to for Easter leave.”
A real home… Narcissa smiled to herself, quite liking the sound of that. She nodded. “That would be nice,” she told him, meaning every word. “But…” Lucius stopped himself from getting off the bed at the sound of that word, turning back around to face her. “I was just… wondering…” she started carefully, not knowing if Lucius would think her stupid for not assuming the correct answer, “if you would live there with me also? Or are you planning to wait until after we’re married?”
“What would you like me to do?” Lucius asked.
“I…” Narcissa started, not quite sure how to properly word how she was feeling on the matter. But it seemed to come out whether she wanted it to or not; much more bluntly than she would have preferred. “I need you.” She flushed slightly at how ridiculous that sounded, but it was the truth; she desperately didn’t want to be alone.
Lucius smiled at her. “Then I will live with you,” he answered simply, as if there were no other options if Narcissa wished it to be that way. That’s why she loved him; he did, honestly, want nothing more than to make her happy. He could be a pompous arse and annoy her to no end sometimes, but he did love her. He cared about her. It was more than she could have asked for as a pureblood and she knew, despite them having their differences sometimes, that she was very lucky.
The house, as Lucius had said, was amazing. Outside there was a wide gravel driveway that had a large hedge curving alongside it, giving a complimentary, yet distinguished separation from the garden. The driveway and hedges went all the way down from the manor to the street, past a pair of wrought-iron gates that Lucius said had a special kind of enchantment on them to only permit select individuals into the grounds. Narcissa found that appealing, as it would be a better means to keep them safe.
Inside was just as attractive. Narcissa had never been in a house so large before and its magnificence took her breath away. Exquisite carpeting covered the stone flooring in the hallway and its intricate patterns suggested it was of Asian origin, which she had always enjoyed the look of. Narcissa was also pleased to find a beautiful ornate marble mantelpiece in the drawing room, along with an oversized crystal chandelier that gave the area a bit more of an elegant air to it.
The spiral staircase led her to the second floor that held a large library and adjoining study, along with an office area across the hall. The third floor held the master bedroom though; something Narcissa squealed over, practically trampling over Lucius to get to it. It was magnificent; and oh god, the closet space nearly made her faint. Lucius was more pleased with the embossed serpent carvings on the wall - commenting that the house must have been built by a Slytherin - but Narcissa was too busy mentally preparing where she was going to put everything in the closet to actually listen.
Narcissa had no idea what she was going to do with the extra eight bedrooms that were scattered across the third and fourth floor (because there was no way she was going to have that many children - and honestly at this rate she was scared to even get started on building a family, since she didn’t want to face the heartbreak of giving her first child up), but she supposed what she did or didn’t do with them didn’t matter much. Yes, it was more space than they needed, but she did adore the house and Lucius felt the need to show off, so they purchased it.
Narcissa spent the majority of her free time at school combing through furnishing advertisements; ordering most everything they would need and shipping it off to the manor so she would be able to properly decorate when they returned for Easter vacation. Bellatrix did send Narcissa owls whilst at school, but only through addressing them to Lucius so as not to appear in direct contact. She congratulated her on getting a home of her own, telling her “she couldn’t wait until she was allowed to visit.” It made Narcissa smile, but inside it only stood to make her even sadder.
She missed Bellatrix so much; every night her dreams were filled with nothing but images of her sister and thus each morning when she awoke, she felt the loss again; like it had only happened yesterday. It was painful, but there wasn’t anything either of them could do but move forward with their lives… for now.
It was the second day of Easter leave when Lucius entered the manor, finally having brought with him some of his things. Lucius had put off telling Abraxas about the move until the very last moment; as in, probably no less than an hour ago. He knew his father wouldn’t approve of it, as they were not yet wed, so Lucius found it better to basically “inform him and run.” It was a bit cowardly, but completely understandable: Abraxas Malfoy was downright frightening.
“How did it go?” Narcissa asked, looking up from unpacking one of the numerous boxes that was littered around her.
Lucius stopped in the doorway, eyes widening as he saw how much Narcissa had bought. “Good lord, what did you do; rob a bleeding store?”
Narcissa rolled her eyes.
“I seek to make this a home, Lucius; not just a house.” She picked up a decorative purple drape, holding it up to admire. “This place could do with a bit more color, don’t you think?”
Lucius’ lip upturned at the very womanly decoration she held in her hand, but before he could respond Narcissa nearly jumped out of her skin when suddenly the rest of Lucius’ belongings apparated before her. She was terribly confused on how he managed to do that, until she saw them be placed on the ground and a tiny creature scurry out from behind the mess.
“You purchased a house elf?” she asked, looking up at Lucius in confusion; she had expected they would go together. While Lucius thought ‘an elf was a bleeding elf,’ Narcissa was more than aware they had different personalities and didn’t want to waste time by being stuck with an unpleasant one; replacing servants could be such a hassle.
“Well I couldn’t very well bring all this over myself, could I?” Lucius countered, before commenting on the drapery, “And for God’s sake, if you wish to hang that up, please do so upstairs. I’d at least like to have the living areas gender-neutral, if you don’t mind.”
Narcissa mocked him silently in her head, but outwardly said, “Fine, if that’s what you wish.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
Okay, that was at least a little better. It was obvious Lucius was in a mood, probably due to his father, but he didn’t have to get snide with her about her choices in decorations. She turned towards the elf then, addressing, “You, elf. What is your name?”
“Does it matter?” Lucius mumbled, which Narcissa ignored. While house elves were loyally bound to the family they served, Narcissa knew better than to be cruel to it just because she could. Her mother did that to her and her sisters, thinking that because she practically owned them that nothing would come of it. That mistake ended in her very painful death. Though Narcissa doubted an elf was capable of such things, and though the creature was obviously so much less than her, she had no desire to be cruel. There was a difference in asserting superiority and being downright awful, after all.
“Dobby, Ma’am,” the elf squeaked, standing up tall; happy to serve.
“Dobby,” Narcissa addressed it, “I need you to take the four boxes on the far right to the second floor, and those other six to the third. Afterwards, it would please me if you sought to make this house sparkle; polish the wood, clean the windows. Understood?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Dobby responded readily. “Dobby is exceptionally happy to be granted new masters in which to please!”
“Good,” Narcissa responded, fairly happy with that response. It would do to keep him around, she supposed; Lucius could have picked worse. The house elf disapparated with a few boxes, off to do his duty within moments, and Narcissa turned to her fiancée. “Now,” she continued as she leaned against the wall, peering at him. “Are you going to tell me how it went with your father or am I going to be left to guess?”
Lucius scowled a little. “How do you think it went? He lectured me for an hour about how this wasn’t the proper way to do things, called both you and I a slew of colorful things I’d rather not repeat, and then once he realized I wasn’t going to budge on the matter he told me that it would do us good to sleep in separate bedrooms, as he would disown me if I embarrassed him by impregnating you before we were wed.”
Narcissa wrinkled her nose in distaste. “And how did you respond to that?”
Lucius smirked, a little boyish deviancy showing through his eyes. “I told him that I was more than aware on how to use proper contraceptives, so he shouldn’t worry.” Narcissa’s eyes went wide at such a bold statement and Lucius finished, “He hit me with his cane, but it was worth it to see the look on his face.”
Though amused as Narcissa was at how Lucius took a small stand against his father, her face did mask in worry. “Did he hurt you?”
Lucius shrugged it off, “Merely a bruise, it’ll heal. But forget about that; I’ve been meaning to tell you, I spoke to Bellatrix earlier.”
Narcissa immediately straightened up, her heart rate increasing slightly. “Oh?” she questioned, not wanting to seem too interested, considering the circumstances they’ve found themselves in recently.
“She agreed that it would be best if she taught you Occlumency; I’ve already arranged a time and a place for you to meet,” he told her. Noticing how much Narcissa’s expression immediately brightened, he added pointedly, “You will only see her twice during Easter leave, all right? And no more than an hour at a time; it’s imperative we keep your meetings under the Dark Lord’s radar. If all goes well, during the summer she’ll give you two lessons a week, so to at least have you ready by my…” he fidgeted a little, “well, my initiation ceremony in late July.”
Narcissa’s eyes went wide. “You expect me to come to that?” she asked, not at all wanting to witness her future husband committing himself to Voldemort’s cause. She knew he had to; if he didn’t, he would probably be killed for knowing too much, but still… it was not a moment Narcissa looked forward to.
“Of course I expect you to attend, you’re to be my wife,” Lucius responded, like she was being foolish. “What’s more, the Dark Lord will expect you to come; not only are you bound to me but you are more than aware what I and your sister are involved in. You are meant to look supportive, Narcissa; is that understood? Please, this isn’t a joking matter.”
Narcissa wasn’t happy about it, but consented. He was right, after all; if she didn’t come, it would look highly suspicious. Still, it worried her that she only had four months to master Occlumency. It seemed impossible, but when she met with her sister two days later, she told her that she had complete faith Narcissa would be able to learn it, if only she worked hard at achieving it.
It was strange, having to slip away to meet Bellatrix in some abandoned house on the countryside. She had no idea if it was her or Lucius who had found it, but the place was ghastly. Narcissa was surprised it hadn’t been torn down yet; the paint was peeling, the supports that held up the house looked less than sturdy, and Narcissa was positive there were some kind of vermin living amongst the debris. Still, even though she was amongst ruins, none of it mattered when she saw Bellatrix apparate into what apparently used to be the parlor.
“Bella!” she exclaimed, happier than she could hope to describe when she saw her. Without thought she ran to her, wrapping her arms around her neck as she kissed her with a driving passion. The kiss was reciprocated in kind for a moment, until Bellatrix gently pushed the blonde away from her. Suddenly Narcissa remembered - like a slap in the goddamn face - that they were no longer together, that they were meant to be having space, and her face colored in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I… it was habit,” she mumbled, feeling foolish.
Bellatrix looked at her, her face a mixture of emotions. She didn’t seem to know what to say other than, “I… missed you, Cissy,” as she stood there awkwardly, obviously wanting to bring Narcissa into her arms but forcing herself not to act upon her urge.
“I missed you too,” Narcissa whispered painfully, hating this distance between them. All she wanted, all she needed was to be curled up in her sister’s arms so she could forget the world. When it was just the two of them, when they were connected in that way, nothing else mattered.
But perhaps that was the point, wasn’t it? They both needed to learn that there were more important things than their relationship with one another.
Bellatrix seemed to think the same because she said, “Honestly, as much as I want to say ‘screw everything’ and just fuck you into the sodding floor, it really wouldn’t be a great use of our time: we only have an hour, and limited time all together, for you to learn this.”
Narcissa flushed a little, her body heating up at Bellatrix’s blunt words as her mind actively entertained the scenario. Ignoring Bellatrix’s request to get to work, at least for the moment, she told her just as forwardly, “I still masturbate to the thought of you. Nearly every night…”
It was obvious something inside Bellatrix involuntarily spasmed by the way her body jerked slightly, coupled with a look of lust upon her face. Narcissa smirked. “Jesus, Cissy; I really wish you wouldn’t have told me that,” Bellatrix replied, sounding a little pained by having that knowledge and yet knowing she couldn’t do anything with it. She turned away from her for a moment, running her hand through her unruly curls as she collected herself.
Narcissa took a step forward, feeling instinctually drawn to her. “So you… you still lust after me then,” she stated, sounding relieved to hear it. She worried after Bellatrix rejected her touch during Christmas leave that a part of her really didn’t want her in that way anymore.
“Of course I do,” Bellatrix replied, like she was being stupid for even questioning it. “That’s never been in question. But I think it’d be stupid of us to fuck like horny bitches in heat when we’re meant to be figuring out whether the emotional aspect is what we truly desire, or if we just did what we did because Mum beat the sense out of us.”
“And did you?” Narcissa asked carefully, looking her sister over. “Figure it out?” Narcissa knew, after all, what her answer was. Sure, she was more than aware that her separation anxiety with Bellatrix was probably due mostly in part by the abuse she was dealt as a child, but she was positive that wasn’t the reason she fell in love with her. Then again, they weren’t on this break because she had doubts; only because Bellatrix did.
It was awful, waiting; the more time went on the more scared Narcissa grew that Bellatrix would decide she didn’t want her. But she tried to hold out some hope that her sister one day would know, really sodding know that they were each other’s destiny.
Bellatrix was silent for a long while before she admitted softly, “No.” It was what Narcissa was expecting, but it still pained her.
Regardless of their feelings though, there was work to be done.
Bellatrix, in all honesty, was not the nicest teacher Narcissa had ever had. She was both impatient and condescending, constantly berating her whenever Narcissa ‘allowed’ her access. Narcissa hardly thought she was allowing anything, merely being forced, but Bellatrix apparently did not agree. She gave her no breaks to recover from each brutal assault to her mind, telling her that her whining was wasting precious time. She was extremely rude, calling Narcissa names that started to build a rage that rose up through her entire body.
But apparently that was what she was meaning to do, because near the end of it Narcissa managed to block her out of a simple thought just because she was too pissed to want to let Bellatrix anywhere near her, including her mind. It wasn’t near enough to block her more serious invasions of walking through her memories, but Bellatrix had been alternating the force she applied Legilimency to her so Narcissa could distinctly learn to recognize each level of the spell. When Narcissa was finally successful, no matter how small of an accomplishment, Bellatrix finally stopped and smiled at her proudly.
“Good,” she encouraged. “Do you see, now? You need to focus on a feeling that makes you feel strong, Cissy; your naturally vulnerable state makes you far too easy to penetrate, but when you use that strength I know you have in you, you can achieve anything you desire. You just need to want it bad enough.”
Narcissa glared at her from on the floor, the constant assaults to her mind having made her feel so weak that she had collapsed ten minutes ago. She was breathing heavily, still pissed off and absolutely hating that she couldn’t really scream at Bellatrix for it since it had worked to some extent. “Lucius though…” she started, still trying to collect herself, “he said that I needed to… I had to clear my mind…”
Bellatrix knelt down next to her. “There’s more than one way to skin a werewolf, love; and besides, I know you well enough to realize that the day you can think of absolutely nothing would be the day Hell froze over. You’re entirely too analytical to achieve perfect stillness.” She offered out her hand to her and though it took a moment, Narcissa eventually grabbed it and let her sister pull her to her feet.
Narcissa dusted herself off as she questioned, “So I need to be angry to achieve this?”
“No,” Bellatrix told her, helping Narcissa rid her clothes of the debris that once littered the floor. “You misunderstand; it’s not the emotion you need, it’s anything that doesn’t make you feel vulnerable. Whether it’s an emotion, a memory, or even a very strong thought, it makes no difference; you just need to believe you can do it. You need to know, more than anything else, that you are stronger than the person attempting to breach your mind. If not normally, than just in that moment.”
Narcissa disheartened a little. “So this is about self-esteem?” she asked, a pessimistic air suddenly surrounding her. “Awesome, we’re completely screwed,” she mumbled bitterly, kicking a piece of kindling that was lying on the dirty ground.
Bellatrix grabbed Narcissa’s chin in her hand, forcing her to look at her. “No,” she told her pointedly. “We’re not. You can do this, Cissy; I know you can.”
While it was nice - her sister having so much faith in her - Narcissa couldn’t find it in herself to believe it. But she knew she was still going to try because to her, keeping Bellatrix and Lucius safe was the most important thing in the world.
And she would do anything to protect the people she loved.
GO TO PART THIRTY...