Now I can't stop wishing that you had never looked my way
So here’s the happs.
I haven’t written in quite some time because well, I guess I just haven’t wanted to. Plus, half the shit that’s going on in my life, or was going on in my life - really shouldn’t be discussed, due to the fact that I would sound like a douche bag for being so personal. But for the most part, relationships are falling apart everywhere, with everyone. It seems that summer just does that to people. But I’m glad that all of us ladies can move on together and that we’re all in the same place right now. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, but having your friends by your side when you’re down really does make a huge difference. Misery loves company, so on and so forth.
The summer has gone by incredibly fast, and all I have to show for it is a fading tan. I feel as though I’ve missed out on something this year, and I guess I’ll never know what it is. Once again, the time has come for me to settle down for a while and get reacquainted with myself. The last month has been a blur. Just a giant blur of people and places. I don’t remember half of it. It’s kind of funny how good you can make yourself at forgetting what you don’t want to remember. Eventually it’s just like turning off an imaginary switch buried somewhere deep inside your mind.
Friends… Ohh friends.
You. I want you to know that you fucking hurt me. I don’t care how stupid or immature I may seem at the moment, I just want you to know. Because I can’t keep it inside any longer. I probably haven’t handled it real well, but really, I didn’t know what else to do. You cut me out. It takes two people to run a successful relationship of any kind, including a friendship. Quite frankly, I don’t think people know what it means to be a friend anymore. These meanings are lost in translation of the words, and words truly mean nothing. It’s in the love you show, and in the things you do. The support you give, the smiles you draw, and the tears you dry. When you don’t do any of this, how can you still expect to be considered a valued friend? It’s all bullshit. There’s a bottom line somewhere in this mess. Enjoy karma sugar, enjoy your life. Unfortunately I will miss you.
Marisa leaves at the end of the month. Definitely not stoked for another year of barely seeing each other. With working, sick parents, and basic life drama, we’ve barely even been able to see each other during the summer. However, this year I’m being forced to get a job and/or go back to school or else I’m kicked out. So I’ll be able to save some money and make some trips up there. You know I support your life and your schooling 100%, I just wish our lives didn’t have to happen miles and miles away from each other.
Also, Liz and I have rekindled our friendship and we’ve started hanging out again. One day a couple of weeks ago she randomly got a Nexopia account and messaged me. I called her, and after a ton of talking and catching up, we decided that everything that happened in the past should stay in the past, and that we were definitely way too good together to let something so stupid ruin us. And that decision only took three years! Hahaha but anyhow, I’m looking forward to so many more good times with you doll. You’re wonderful and I missed you so much.
My family is doing a little better. Mama still wants to quit her job and do something else, but she can’t decide what. So I think she’s going to hang on for a little bit longer. Daddy just got off from his two weeks of holidays (during which, I clearly stole the car every night for extended hours) and now he’s back at work, but seems happy about it. I think he likes going to work everyday and seeing his little crew. Driving around the golf course at 5am is actually really beautiful. It’s a nice way to start the day.
My sister is in Chilliwack with her boy-man Josh. She’s been there a couple of weeks now. And guess who gets a trip to BC in order to pick her up? Fucking rights it’s me. So cats and kittens, get ready because Mel is about to hit up The Sunshine Coast once more. I can barely contain myself. The next week is going to go by incredibly slow. August 19th is Teresa’s birthday, and that’s the secret reason I begged my parents to let me go “pick Mary up.” Of course it’ll also be nice to see my sister and whatnot. But you know what I mean. So after a few days on the coast, Teresa’s coming home with me. It’s going to be lovely.
Not to mention, I’m extremely excited about the ride out there. Last time, the way there was actually really amazing. For some, a 21 hour bus ride may seem like grim death. But for me, it’s such a refreshing much-needed alone time. It gives me time to reflect on everything, and kind of see my life from a distance. Every time we make a stop (which is somewhere near 20 places) I love getting out and just looking around. Cigarette in hand, everything seems so much prettier when you’re looking at it in silence from the comfort of the built-in living room that is yourself. I’m pretty sure that’s why I felt so peaceful and at home the last time I was in Gibsons. That, and my lovely lovely friends. I can’t wait to see everyone again, it’s been way too long. Almost six months, and that’s far too long to live without them. And oh man, the ocean, the mountains, my real home. I can’t wait, I can’t wait.
Alright. Well, I’m off to enjoy one of the cigarettes from Cuba that Kostas brought me last night. Thanks sugarknees.
Edit: I've also been spending a lot of time thinking about the future and what it is I want in life. Money really means nothing to me. Yeah, it may make life easier, but it’s not the key to happiness. I want a job that I’ll love to do everyday. It’s rare, but possible. And that’s what I’m going for. So I’ve decided that I’m going to be a piercer. A piercer with aspirations of opening my own shop eventually. Something like Devine. So, come September I’m going back to school to finish off my high school, and then apprenticing. Eventually I’ll probably have to go to some sort of post sec for business. That’s that.