I want to break free (from your lies, you're so self-satisfied IDONTNEED YOU)
Hey guys. Miss you all so much.
Haven't had any time to even THINK since Monday, and now it'll be another 2-3 weeks till I can, what with 2 AP tests, a music competition, an orchestra concert, and an SAT ii. Plus volunteer work and MAJOR STUDYING on the weekends.
I got my ACT score back yesterday and had a freaking melt down. I'm one point away from the minimum of what each of my schools is looking for. Who cares if I got a 34/35 on the English/writing section? Cuz I bombed science and reading (cuz I read slow as shit) so I got screwed over and I'm fucking done. I'm sick of taking test after test and beating myself up every time I get the results. I'm done with disappointment.
Don't think I've written since I went on the college trip, so brief fill-in:
LOVE Wesleyan University. It's perfect in every way. The only thing I don't like about it, in fact, is it's not super-crazy liberal and not hippyish really. But I'd still kill to go there. Plus their courses are mind-blowing AND THEY HAVE AN ENTIRE COURSE ON OSCAR WILDE *comes*
I'm starting to drop the idea of Brown University. It's a lovely campus (even though there were 40-50 people on the tour so we didn't go inside anything at all) but they're SO snobby and constantly bragging, and though they have a sense of humor, it's forcibly scholarly and wannabe witty, as if trying to outsmart you. Pisses me the hell off. So prob not going there. Plus I don't think I want to be in city, with the exception of Montreal. :D
Went tonight to a school play: A Midsummer Night's Dream... set in the 1960s!!!! 8D It was pretty good, or at least the music was (Beatles, the Who, the Temptations, Elton, Led Zep, etc.)
What I really need to spill about is my boyfriend. I really need to get some opinions and some help, because I'm so lost.
I think I want to break up with him. I wouldn't be sad in the least about it but I know I'd completely break him. So I can't.
But sometimes I simply can't stand him. It's almost embarrassing to be with him at times.... but then the other half of the time, he's the sweetest thing and I wouldn't want to give him up for anything in the world.
It's just that we've gotten so far... TOO far. And that's scaring me on so many levels that I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My libido is nonexistent. And sometimes I can't even sleep, I just feel so sick. But yet I don't think I can break up with him. We've seen each other every single day for the 9 weeks we've been together. And I keep missing the fact that I'm not the independent, proudly single girl I once was. So maybe I just need to take this weekend off? I need help, guys.
Again, sorry for being so selfish and confusing and obnoxious about wasting your f-list space, especially since I'm only on like once a month now. Ughhh, can't wait to be free from all this stress X__X Love you all <3 Keep on keepin' on