Frustrations
I'm frustrated right now...or maybe more like upset. I'm sick of people holding my past mistakes over my head. I am not fucking perfect. Yes, I know that...it may come as a shock to some of you, but I am fully aware of that fact. I'm incredibly sick of people feeling the need to remind me of that. I've made mistakes...I've lied to people...I've kissed someone when I was in a relationship...I've kissed someone who was in a relationship...yes I have. Doesn't that make me fucking special!! Do you want me to sit here and list all the mistakes I've made in my life. Maybe its better to get them all out there in the open. But you know what...I don't hold people's mistakes over their heads. I don't say remember the time you did xyandz...don't you just suck?? I don't do that because I firmly believe its not my place to judge other people based on their actions. And when I say I forgive someone for something, I mean it. I don't mean, I forgive you for a few minutes, but I am going to continue to hang this over your head for the rest of your life. "Let he without sin, cast the first stone" or however the heck that goes. I am not perfect. Neither are you. No one is...and if you think you are, FUCK YOU!!! I'm sick of people who supposedly care about me making me miserable...I'm done with them. DONE! And newsflash saying you're doing something or saying something and trying to help me when really all you're doing is reminding me of past mistakes does not help. It makes me feel like dirt. I hate that I go out of my way to make other people happy and to try and not hurt people, even if it makes me unhappy. It always bites me in the ass in the end. I just want to run. I hate feeling like this. When I'm reminded of one bad thing I've done in my past, everything comes tumbling back and I just want to lay down and die. Its like I have all these demons pointing things out to me...remember the time you did this, remember the time you did that, remember the night your mom died and you didn't even tell her you loved her. AHHHHHHH!!!!!! I just want to get in my car and drive. I don't know where. I hate this!!! In the grand scheme of things, I always thought I was leading a pretty good life, but maybe not. And it scares me too. This morning someone felt the need to point out to me the mistakes I've made in previous relationships and it scares me. I have something so good right now and Lord knows I would never intentionally do anything to fuck with it. But I hate that people feel the need to scare me like this, absolutely terrify me. I need to go somewhere....anywhere other then here right now.