what do i do?
I didn't turn on my phone today until a little after noon... I didn't want to talk to any one becasue I had no clue what to say.. especially to zach because I really have no clue what the fate of our relationship is yet... I want to be with him but ya know he really has pushed my limits.. he's been hiding and lying about smoking for a while and he know's my reaction every damn time i hear that he's smoked and when he does it again and i see it or hear about it he like thinks I will act different.. no zach i'm still gonna be pissed!!
I dunno.. I just wish he could have talked to me about that fact that he's still addicted.. So i wonder where he hides his butt's.. because i've never seem them.. ya know I often wonder why when i get into his car sometimes it's sprayed to hell with colonge.. i dunno.. i mean what do people do when once again someone has lied and betrayed them?
zach said he was DONE smoking not i'm trying to quit... He say's oh I love you and i wont do it anymore.. i guess he just wanted to just clear everything up so that the next time maybe i wont be soo upset.. umm ya not gonna happen..
today when I was on my way to Walmart a song called So cold came on and i just started balling... I went to the mall after and just walked laps around the mall trying to get the situtation out of my head... I feel like a fool.. I feel like i should have a stamp on my head saying Idiot..
Why did i believe he was done again when he wasn't before? Why can't he tell me when he does it rather than me find him... why does he still need to do it?!?!?
I don't know what i want to do... if i take him back i feel like i will be played for a fool again and again and what will make him stop? me leaving? ya right he would be able to do it all the time so who cares...
I DUNNO... i'm soo confused i don't know what to say or to think.. i mean should i be easy on him ohh well ya know you were trying to hide from me but fuck that if you were hiding that you shouldn't be doing it!
i dunno... grrr All i have been doing today is crying... it sucks... last weekend we went through a fight and he said he was gonna be good this week.. well thanks zach.. you fucked up again.. I just don't get it..
from the very begining zach said he was like a party social smoker so i figured he could stop when he wanted.. later on he came out after i caught him a few more times and he said he use to be addicted but he was done because he knew how much it hurt me and he didn't want to see me like that.. well i guess that was a line of bull becasue many months later he's still doing it..
it seems like all zach does it lye.. he laid about being additched to butt early on he lied about how many people he slept with.. lied about what he did with heatherly what else is he lying about? does he have a wife and kids in mexico? geezz
How can you have a relationship when there is negative trust? is that even a relationship? you make sacrafices for each other well i held up my bargin why can't he? is it that diffcult to stop or say no to smoking/
did he really think i that i wouldn't figure it out when he walked by me that night? really like i don't care how much you drink shit like that just doesn't leave you mind! i dunno
i am soo lost, hurt confused... and it sucks we have this trip coming up and i don't know if that's why i'm and telling myself to say with him becaue i will have lost out on 181 and a week of vaca...i dunno..
i just wish someone could tell me all the answers and rebuild my broken heart...'
right now i just wanna drive and get out of town or beat someone up... i just have soo much anger and sadness and frustration with him that really it doesn't seem worth it to stay with him becase if he again say oohh babe i'm sorry but do it again because he did it before many times so what's gonna change now?
I dunno.. I just wish he could have talked to me about that fact that he's still addicted.. So i wonder where he hides his butt's.. because i've never seem them.. ya know I often wonder why when i get into his car sometimes it's sprayed to hell with colonge.. i dunno.. i mean what do people do when once again someone has lied and betrayed them?
zach said he was DONE smoking not i'm trying to quit... He say's oh I love you and i wont do it anymore.. i guess he just wanted to just clear everything up so that the next time maybe i wont be soo upset.. umm ya not gonna happen..
today when I was on my way to Walmart a song called So cold came on and i just started balling... I went to the mall after and just walked laps around the mall trying to get the situtation out of my head... I feel like a fool.. I feel like i should have a stamp on my head saying Idiot..
Why did i believe he was done again when he wasn't before? Why can't he tell me when he does it rather than me find him... why does he still need to do it?!?!?
I don't know what i want to do... if i take him back i feel like i will be played for a fool again and again and what will make him stop? me leaving? ya right he would be able to do it all the time so who cares...
I DUNNO... i'm soo confused i don't know what to say or to think.. i mean should i be easy on him ohh well ya know you were trying to hide from me but fuck that if you were hiding that you shouldn't be doing it!
i dunno... grrr All i have been doing today is crying... it sucks... last weekend we went through a fight and he said he was gonna be good this week.. well thanks zach.. you fucked up again.. I just don't get it..
from the very begining zach said he was like a party social smoker so i figured he could stop when he wanted.. later on he came out after i caught him a few more times and he said he use to be addicted but he was done because he knew how much it hurt me and he didn't want to see me like that.. well i guess that was a line of bull becasue many months later he's still doing it..
it seems like all zach does it lye.. he laid about being additched to butt early on he lied about how many people he slept with.. lied about what he did with heatherly what else is he lying about? does he have a wife and kids in mexico? geezz
How can you have a relationship when there is negative trust? is that even a relationship? you make sacrafices for each other well i held up my bargin why can't he? is it that diffcult to stop or say no to smoking/
did he really think i that i wouldn't figure it out when he walked by me that night? really like i don't care how much you drink shit like that just doesn't leave you mind! i dunno
i am soo lost, hurt confused... and it sucks we have this trip coming up and i don't know if that's why i'm and telling myself to say with him becaue i will have lost out on 181 and a week of vaca...i dunno..
i just wish someone could tell me all the answers and rebuild my broken heart...'
right now i just wanna drive and get out of town or beat someone up... i just have soo much anger and sadness and frustration with him that really it doesn't seem worth it to stay with him becase if he again say oohh babe i'm sorry but do it again because he did it before many times so what's gonna change now?