Overdue.
Current Mood:
blah
Overdue update.
I can't believe I have only posted six times since I wore odd shoes to work! That was so long ago! I used to update this thing nearly every day when I was a student. I guess not much has been happening, plus this journal seems only for my own benefit now, but I should keep some kind of record. I'm starting to have really bad memory problems. It's been going on for a while now, and I'm really hoping it is just normal and I'm worrying about nothing. Makes me upset sometimes.
TIP is starting to become a fading nightmare, although the feeling of being a total fuckwitt still lingers on my low days. Damn, was I really that far fucking gone that I couldn't even dress myself properly?? it's scary how far down a person can sink. I guess losing that is a gradual process, and letting go of the negative stuff has always been one of my problems. I'm still angry that I put myself through all that, even though at the time I didn't feel like I had any sort of choice in the matter. Thinking back I don't know how on earth I managed to keep it up for so long. I must have been crazier than a shithouse rat, as well as a total nightmare to live and work with.
At least I feel like an actual person again now instead of the bitter shell I had turned into. Doesn't mean to say I'm not still a bit twitchy though. Assholes beware. I may snap!
I am now Worker in Charge at the Youth Club. (Yay me! I'm finally getting something right!!)It is hard work. I have to put extra time in at home to make up for how disorganised I am, but as long as I deliver the goods, no one needs to know how hard and long I actually work. I'm hoping it will get easier over time. I like having the extra responsibility, it makes me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere in my sad little life. Progress is slow however and I am still pushing for more. Being able to earn enough to pay my rent and bills would be a nice start, but work is scarce right now. With Cait being unemployed and me only working part time, there are a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes we get on great, and sometimes we dont. I guess that's just the way life is.
I have been trying to put free time into other projects. When I visited America in November I started writing down and drawing my crazy-ass ideas in a book. (Oh yeah, I went to America for thanksgiving. It was awesome!) I have always stored this stuff in my head, but like I said before, my stupid memory is failing. Some of my more cumbersome creations are actually beginning to take shape. Cait is patient and tolerates having giant objects of no discernable purpose in our living room. I have more I am itching to start, but each idea seems larger than the previous, and I have the feeling that even Cait's patience will break if I don't finish some stuff and move them along to . . . wherever the hell I am going to put them.
So in short, I'm finally being taken seriously, I am making strange things out of Paper Mache and junk, and We still have a roof over our heads (but just barely).
Oh yeah, and I'm really broody. I wish I could do something about it or make it go away. Neither is likely to happen any time soon.
Going now. Harry is here, watching invisible things in our dark, possibly haunted hallway and he is creeping me out.