Be at Peace, Listen
In contrary to your post...I don't think the situation is okay yet. In fact I think I was a little MORE upset tonight but after reading your entry I guess stuff tonight didn't bother me too much.
I love Bill. I'm going to take him to the doctor's tomorrow because he just won't get healthy! Poor boy. I'm taking his car to school though so it has to be after school time that he gets an appointment. I Hope he doesnt forget to call because he neeeeeds to get healthy. I miss my happy fun Bill!
It took me quite a while to decide to actually go out tonight but I guess I'm glad I did. Nobody I dislike too much was there. I was very annoyed with some people there tonight though. Fred was just being an asshole and I can't stand that. Billy Brown was being himself but he sort of caught me right after a very stressful car ride and I was very on edge and wanted to kill him while he tried to take that stupid picture with me. I was pretty upset that Chris left so early. I sort of wish he called me earlier when circumstances had changed and he should have known I'd be more likely to come. Oh well. Its just so weird that I have such a hard time finding a way to spend time with him, and at one point I considered him my best friend. I just don't know what happened there. Even last night at karaoke...I feel like we didn't even talk. And his lack of a greeting tonight got me pretty upset. So needless to say, I was in a pretty crappy mood at the beginning of my night at TGA. I talked to Jared a little bit and that was cool. He's an interesting character but doesn't really seem too interested in making friends...in the sense that like he never seems up to conversation. I don't know...weird. A lot of people that don't usually get on my nerves got on my nerves tonight. I sort of walked into the hallway at an odd time with Sara and Rob. Not to say they were doing anything bad, but they were trying to have some alone time and they probably realize it didn't look too good from my position. It was...uncomfortable. I don't like uncomfortable situations like that so I attempted to avoid them for the rest of the night which wasn't too hard because they didn't stay much longer after that. I got to play a lot of DMX which was awesome of course. THe highlight of my night was probably chatting with Matt. We talked for a long time. I got to know him a little better tonight and he's pretty cool, or "rockin" as he would say. I think him and I could be good friends because I enjoy his conversation. He's very humurous. And no people there was nothing romantic about it...I"m very happy with Bill. It was just nice to have someone to talk to...as a FRIEND. It seems I have a lack of that lately. He was talking about this girl and how he thinks the reason he's still drawn to her (despite her bitchiness) is because of how well she understands him. He then went on to say not very many people understand him so when someone does like that he's sort of attached. Thinking back (way back) I think that's what took me so long to get over Dan. Dan treated me like complete shit after a while, but NOBODY understood me better. That's what I feel like I need in my life...more people that understand me. I think Matt and I stand in the same boat on that. We're both pretty individual people and thats something I like about msyelf. However, it gets difficult when I need someone to just listen and UNDERSTAND. Maybe thats one of the reasons I"ve been getting so aggravated with Chris lately. As far as Bill goes...he understands me in a few areas that noone else ever has. Like school. I LOVE that about him because right now school is a crappy and stressful part of me. It's almost like my life revolves around it. He knows exactly how I feel. He can relate and thats AWESOME. He's the only person I really talk to about school, other than my mom. As far as family stuff goes...there's not really anybody who can relate, but I think Bill understands to a point. I told him some stories today about some stuff that had happened with Stephen. IF anything I put him in shock. He didnt ignore me though and I like that. I think if I told most people those stories they'd just be like "yeah youre exhadurating, shut up". I would not exhadurate stories that horrible. Believe me. If anything I tone them down. Bill's cool like that. I guess theres this one huge part about my past that has its part in making me who I am today. Both positively and negatively. That's the one thing nobody understands. I think like 3 people know but they don't understand at all. I don't blame them. I've contemplated talking about it in therapy, but whats the point? Unless you've been there, I don't think you know. Well, w/e I'm fine. :-) Wow lots of deep thinking going on tonight. I need something from my friends. Something that's a lot more then what I'm getting right now. And I need it soon before I drive myself insane. Okay I'm going to go join Bill in his dreams now. Goodnight everyone.
Remember who you love...and let them know.
I love Bill. I'm going to take him to the doctor's tomorrow because he just won't get healthy! Poor boy. I'm taking his car to school though so it has to be after school time that he gets an appointment. I Hope he doesnt forget to call because he neeeeeds to get healthy. I miss my happy fun Bill!
It took me quite a while to decide to actually go out tonight but I guess I'm glad I did. Nobody I dislike too much was there. I was very annoyed with some people there tonight though. Fred was just being an asshole and I can't stand that. Billy Brown was being himself but he sort of caught me right after a very stressful car ride and I was very on edge and wanted to kill him while he tried to take that stupid picture with me. I was pretty upset that Chris left so early. I sort of wish he called me earlier when circumstances had changed and he should have known I'd be more likely to come. Oh well. Its just so weird that I have such a hard time finding a way to spend time with him, and at one point I considered him my best friend. I just don't know what happened there. Even last night at karaoke...I feel like we didn't even talk. And his lack of a greeting tonight got me pretty upset. So needless to say, I was in a pretty crappy mood at the beginning of my night at TGA. I talked to Jared a little bit and that was cool. He's an interesting character but doesn't really seem too interested in making friends...in the sense that like he never seems up to conversation. I don't know...weird. A lot of people that don't usually get on my nerves got on my nerves tonight. I sort of walked into the hallway at an odd time with Sara and Rob. Not to say they were doing anything bad, but they were trying to have some alone time and they probably realize it didn't look too good from my position. It was...uncomfortable. I don't like uncomfortable situations like that so I attempted to avoid them for the rest of the night which wasn't too hard because they didn't stay much longer after that. I got to play a lot of DMX which was awesome of course. THe highlight of my night was probably chatting with Matt. We talked for a long time. I got to know him a little better tonight and he's pretty cool, or "rockin" as he would say. I think him and I could be good friends because I enjoy his conversation. He's very humurous. And no people there was nothing romantic about it...I"m very happy with Bill. It was just nice to have someone to talk to...as a FRIEND. It seems I have a lack of that lately. He was talking about this girl and how he thinks the reason he's still drawn to her (despite her bitchiness) is because of how well she understands him. He then went on to say not very many people understand him so when someone does like that he's sort of attached. Thinking back (way back) I think that's what took me so long to get over Dan. Dan treated me like complete shit after a while, but NOBODY understood me better. That's what I feel like I need in my life...more people that understand me. I think Matt and I stand in the same boat on that. We're both pretty individual people and thats something I like about msyelf. However, it gets difficult when I need someone to just listen and UNDERSTAND. Maybe thats one of the reasons I"ve been getting so aggravated with Chris lately. As far as Bill goes...he understands me in a few areas that noone else ever has. Like school. I LOVE that about him because right now school is a crappy and stressful part of me. It's almost like my life revolves around it. He knows exactly how I feel. He can relate and thats AWESOME. He's the only person I really talk to about school, other than my mom. As far as family stuff goes...there's not really anybody who can relate, but I think Bill understands to a point. I told him some stories today about some stuff that had happened with Stephen. IF anything I put him in shock. He didnt ignore me though and I like that. I think if I told most people those stories they'd just be like "yeah youre exhadurating, shut up". I would not exhadurate stories that horrible. Believe me. If anything I tone them down. Bill's cool like that. I guess theres this one huge part about my past that has its part in making me who I am today. Both positively and negatively. That's the one thing nobody understands. I think like 3 people know but they don't understand at all. I don't blame them. I've contemplated talking about it in therapy, but whats the point? Unless you've been there, I don't think you know. Well, w/e I'm fine. :-) Wow lots of deep thinking going on tonight. I need something from my friends. Something that's a lot more then what I'm getting right now. And I need it soon before I drive myself insane. Okay I'm going to go join Bill in his dreams now. Goodnight everyone.
Remember who you love...and let them know.