(no subject)
I think I may be heading down depression lane once again, folks.. But then again, maybe I never left. Everything is so hard.. I feel like everyone hates me.. And sometimes I hate everything.. It's hard to get going.. I can't concentrate on anything..I often find myself crying in the middle of the day for no apparent reason..Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
But the strangest thing about my depression is that I go in and out of it.. and every time.. EVERY time.. my life turns around. When it first started showing up.. about seventh grade.. I stopped eating.. lost a lot of weight.. didn't talk to anyone..Once, I broke up with a boyfriend.. whom I loved very much.. I just stopped loving him.. became depressed and hated everything.. then I felt fine.. and I started liking different things.. like punk rock and hard rock, things I hated before.. I got new friends.. then I started dating him again.. and I was happy.. and then it turned.. and here I am once more.. what's wrong with me? I don't know if I should really consider professional help or not. I don't know if it's just me being a teenager.. But it really hurts a lot.. This current depression has been for about a week now.. It progresses slowly.. and it's just about hit its full swing.. I think I might need to see a doctor..
I'm tired of breaking peoples' hearts because I'm sick.. I just want to be able to love someone.. I have the ability to love.. and I love to love.. But why can't I stay in love? Why am I so scared of committment? I just wish I could find someone who knew.. who understood.. who held my hand through it all and loved me no matter what I was going through..
But I've talked to Mom once before.. and she said.. she didn't really think I was.. and that if I ever did.. she would take me to get checked..
What do I do?
Roxy
But the strangest thing about my depression is that I go in and out of it.. and every time.. EVERY time.. my life turns around. When it first started showing up.. about seventh grade.. I stopped eating.. lost a lot of weight.. didn't talk to anyone..Once, I broke up with a boyfriend.. whom I loved very much.. I just stopped loving him.. became depressed and hated everything.. then I felt fine.. and I started liking different things.. like punk rock and hard rock, things I hated before.. I got new friends.. then I started dating him again.. and I was happy.. and then it turned.. and here I am once more.. what's wrong with me? I don't know if I should really consider professional help or not. I don't know if it's just me being a teenager.. But it really hurts a lot.. This current depression has been for about a week now.. It progresses slowly.. and it's just about hit its full swing.. I think I might need to see a doctor..
I'm tired of breaking peoples' hearts because I'm sick.. I just want to be able to love someone.. I have the ability to love.. and I love to love.. But why can't I stay in love? Why am I so scared of committment? I just wish I could find someone who knew.. who understood.. who held my hand through it all and loved me no matter what I was going through..
But I've talked to Mom once before.. and she said.. she didn't really think I was.. and that if I ever did.. she would take me to get checked..
What do I do?
Roxy