The more things change the more they stay the same.
I was going to try and use the french quote but it's pre-coffee and i'm not running on all cylinders yet.
Still a retail monkey in a discount retail store in the UK.
ANd hoo boy have we had some doozies lately. Here are a few.
1. Dear Sir, I know the Unstoppables smell nice and presumably do a lovely job of making your clothes smell equally nice. But really, did you have to take four whole boxes off the shelf, drop them into your reusable Lidl bag and leg it at high speed? Shoplfting for fabric conditioner pellets? Really??? At least the neds who've been running out the door with the 85 wash boxes of Daz make some sense. It does take so much more effort to keep white trainers pristine.
2. Dear, Sir, Madam, Sir and Miss. We have signs all over the paint aisle now, they clearly state that you can ask for assistance with getting your paint off the shelf and to the tills. Failing that, get a trolley to sit it in. Please for the love of all the gods of earth and sky do not decide to carry two tins of paint by the handle in one hand when you have a basket in the other hand. Those handles aren't terribly good and you will drop and spill your paint. This also applies to letting your ten year old carry a 5 litre tin of paint. I mean really, you thought that was a good move? Oh and yes i know we have new paint samples in but you should know that they aren't free, and they are not for your children to play with. I swear if i have to clean up one more paint spill then my sense of smell will only register turps and sawdust.
3. Dear Mother who got done for shoplifting. What were you thinking? It's not bad enough that we caught you trying to walk out the shop with £100.00 worth of goods, but you had to do it with your daughter in tow? The sweet little five year old who wondered why Mummy was led into the security office to await the Police coming to arrest her. Who had to wait half an hour for Grandad to come and get her. Tell me was emotionally scarring your kid, and the prospect of a criminal record really worth some curtains, bedding and candle holders?
4. Dear Ballsy Lady. I have to admit, you take the cake for sheer audacity. Not only did you fill your trolley with £450 odd pounds worth of paint, wallpaper, bedding and various other things. Not only did you try and do a push through and fail, but the way you were so blase about it, even to the cops when they came to arrest you, well damn, that is a whole new level of ballsy. If you weren't a shoplifter i might admire you just for sheer chutzpah.
5. Okay, and this one is adressed to multiple customers. Especially since we're going into the Summer Sale. Please read what you are buying. If you find an Ascot curtain panel hanging on a Vienna curtain panel peg, it is not going to be the price of a Vienna curtain panel. Don't complain and raise a fuss because you can't read a product description. How do i know that particular panel isn't for sale at the price? Well for one i hand stickered every reduced curtain in the store, and duvet sets, sheets, and so many other things, seriously i'm going to get addicted to marker fumes, and 2, i can read. A Vienna is not an Ascot. We can adjust the price at the tills, but this is a courtesy, not a right. So in the name of the gods, please read the damned tickets.
I'm not including a few incidents because i didn't witness them, so alas my deputy manager being kicked in the head by a shoplifter, and the new security guards trial by fire will have to remain mere footnotes. But never let it be said that retail is boring.
Still a retail monkey in a discount retail store in the UK.
ANd hoo boy have we had some doozies lately. Here are a few.
1. Dear Sir, I know the Unstoppables smell nice and presumably do a lovely job of making your clothes smell equally nice. But really, did you have to take four whole boxes off the shelf, drop them into your reusable Lidl bag and leg it at high speed? Shoplfting for fabric conditioner pellets? Really??? At least the neds who've been running out the door with the 85 wash boxes of Daz make some sense. It does take so much more effort to keep white trainers pristine.
2. Dear, Sir, Madam, Sir and Miss. We have signs all over the paint aisle now, they clearly state that you can ask for assistance with getting your paint off the shelf and to the tills. Failing that, get a trolley to sit it in. Please for the love of all the gods of earth and sky do not decide to carry two tins of paint by the handle in one hand when you have a basket in the other hand. Those handles aren't terribly good and you will drop and spill your paint. This also applies to letting your ten year old carry a 5 litre tin of paint. I mean really, you thought that was a good move? Oh and yes i know we have new paint samples in but you should know that they aren't free, and they are not for your children to play with. I swear if i have to clean up one more paint spill then my sense of smell will only register turps and sawdust.
3. Dear Mother who got done for shoplifting. What were you thinking? It's not bad enough that we caught you trying to walk out the shop with £100.00 worth of goods, but you had to do it with your daughter in tow? The sweet little five year old who wondered why Mummy was led into the security office to await the Police coming to arrest her. Who had to wait half an hour for Grandad to come and get her. Tell me was emotionally scarring your kid, and the prospect of a criminal record really worth some curtains, bedding and candle holders?
4. Dear Ballsy Lady. I have to admit, you take the cake for sheer audacity. Not only did you fill your trolley with £450 odd pounds worth of paint, wallpaper, bedding and various other things. Not only did you try and do a push through and fail, but the way you were so blase about it, even to the cops when they came to arrest you, well damn, that is a whole new level of ballsy. If you weren't a shoplifter i might admire you just for sheer chutzpah.
5. Okay, and this one is adressed to multiple customers. Especially since we're going into the Summer Sale. Please read what you are buying. If you find an Ascot curtain panel hanging on a Vienna curtain panel peg, it is not going to be the price of a Vienna curtain panel. Don't complain and raise a fuss because you can't read a product description. How do i know that particular panel isn't for sale at the price? Well for one i hand stickered every reduced curtain in the store, and duvet sets, sheets, and so many other things, seriously i'm going to get addicted to marker fumes, and 2, i can read. A Vienna is not an Ascot. We can adjust the price at the tills, but this is a courtesy, not a right. So in the name of the gods, please read the damned tickets.
I'm not including a few incidents because i didn't witness them, so alas my deputy manager being kicked in the head by a shoplifter, and the new security guards trial by fire will have to remain mere footnotes. But never let it be said that retail is boring.