(no subject)
have you ever not been able to find the words? have you ever not been able to find the word b/c you know thats whats best? have you ever fallen for somebody you shouldnt and they dont even know. and yet you know its better to never tell them? its hard to get by day by day with two or three people hanging over your head. and both you can do nothing about. you question everything. should i wait? should i say something? and yet no matter what you do, you choose not to say anything to either one cause it would only cause more problems. its easier to shut your mouth and deal with the pain and suffering yourself then put it on someone else. when you have had multiple people walk in and out of your life. when you have told one and not told another. it doesnt make a difference in the end. it always seems to end the same. and there is nothing you can do about it. in the end, the one you tell cant, and the you dont tell wouldnt have anyway. see it always ends the same. so why tell only to get hurt. its better to keep your mouth shut and suck it up. why make someone else's life complicated when you dont have to. why make someone's life even more complicated when no matter what they know they cant show you what you need. it makes more sense just to suck it up and cry the ink tears when nobody is looking. because no matter what i do the ones i dont tell are better off, the ones i do tell dont want to hear it. so in the end i will end up sitting here writting it all down for no one to read and no one to understand. because in the end i realize its better to hurt myself then multiple people around me. its easier to leave them happy and watch them be happy then hurt them and end up with nothing. i would much rather see others happy and my own pain then tell them. so here is to the two i have told only to hurt them and myself, here is to the two i should never tell cause i dont want to ruin their lives, and here is to all the ones i have hurt in the past via my loose tongue. there is one thing i thought i have learned, and that is tell them b/c they need to know. and in the past i have told them. and in the past it has come back to kick my ass. so now i just dont tell them. i shouldnt tell them cause i dont want to do anything to hurt them or make them question what they are donig. so to those i love and those who dont know, keeping doing what you are doing. i love you and you will never know. to those who know and cant return the feelings, keep on loving cause thats what i would want you to do. as for me, i will sit here, live the life i have, but yet never regret what i do. even though i cant and shouldnt tell you, thats just who i am. you cant help that i have or might fall for you. those who i have fallen for cant help the fact that you didnt catch me. thats just life and i live with it everyday. its better to know that my friends are happy. if they are happy and content then in someway my life has been worth while. so if i have/did/do love you, thank you, i am just glad you are happy and thats all i wish in the future no matter what you think, i just want you to be happy even at my own expense...........