(no subject)
i felt and watched a tear roll down my cheak tonight. not because of someone. not because of what i did. but because of what i didnt do. i have loved with all my heart. i have dont what other thought i couldnt do. and yet i watched that tear b/c there was one thing i couldnt do. b/c there was one thing that was instilled in me, one thing i was raised to do and i didnt do it. i have a job, i am being my own person. and yet in my heart im still not a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. to most people it doesnt mean anything. and to me it means the world. I have a college education, i have a job with a top four accounting firm and yet i would trade it all just to be a tarheel. the one thing i thought wasnt a big deal, i didnt want it so much then. i wanted to be my own person. i wanted to make my own way. and now i realize that its not just an education, its not just an experiance, its a family. its the carolina family. and i will never have that. i wasnt good enough. i wasnt accepted. i didnt pull the grades. i didnt do enough to follow in those footseps. i didnt do everything i could to be a tarheel. right now thats all i want. i want to be part of that family. my mom is part of that family. my grandfather is part of that family. i let them all down. i am the weakest link. i am the break in that chain. i wasnt a tarheel. b/c i couldnt make it at one of the nation's best schools. i couldnt make it at the nation's best school. i was rejected b/c i wasnt good enough. and now that haunts me every day. i bleed carolina blue but im not a graduate of that school. and it kills me. it kills me so bad. i have everything i could ever ask for, but i dont have that. and it kills me...........