Writing is more than meets the eye.
Writing by ~after-the-party on deviantART
Writing has always been something I considered a skill I had, a talent, whatever you may wish to call it. It was something I would admit I was good at. You may call me pretty (for the little handful of you who actually thinks so) but I would deny that. You may call me smart (have you seen my grades?) but I wouldn't think so either. But writing. Writing has been good, it could be great, it might be the better skill I have.
I've written poems (from the horrible rhymes to the better sense), stories (countless of them) and the weirdest essays that got me an A1 in high school. I have an ongoing story (that's also pretty much lying around, abandoned at the moment) that has 13 chapters and a prologue - each being more than 10 A4 pages, one sided. I wrote a script for a friend for her comic. I've sent in essays for those MPH competitions (twice I think, not that I won).
But now is the first time that I've felt so inferior the written Word - my written words. It's something acceptable and an acceptance of compliments when your audience is just a handful of your close friends, some judges you've never met, and your English teachers but it's altogether different when it's a real deal editor of a magazine and what you write (though it'll be edited here and there) gets published in one of the issues.
For some of us who has already done so (features and all), it might be past and gone, and such a small thing. For me, it's a big step. Bigger than anything I've ever achieved. That weird hair story in my yearbook didn't even faze me at being read by the entire school population.
Now, for my internship, my editor has given me some work and she liked them (I think) but it was a trainwreck in my mind when I submitted it on my deadline. Is it okay? Would she like it? Will I get fired?! And so many other thoughts.
A movie review. A TV column. The food review. 1/2 of the highlights column.
It's actually not that much but to me, it's like unimaginable.
And though she says it's not bad, I feel so mediocre. There's so much more that I need to actually admit that what I write is even good enough.
A month ago and before, if you asked what was my talent, I'd say "writing." Now, I'm not even sure anymore. What I do know is that the journey is still long and I have more to learn to be good enough.
Good nights,
レイラ。