the friend-zone.
Isn't it ironic how I was watching Just Friends and now me and him is just friends? A long story, not needed for explaining. Because that's not what I feel like talking about right now. I feel weird, like I know things are the same, but i'm getting a taste of reality. Like a taste of how it's going to be in a month, and honestly I HATE IT. I mean I probably hate it right now cause here he is in my face, but you know it's just a label that ain't how I feel and that aint how he feels it's just somethin we gotta do.
I still hate this shit though. UGHGI&#$*&#*$(&*&#.. it's weird saying that, and even thinking it. Kinda hurts to be honest.. but really it's just a label.. but why does it feel weird? So does this mean I can talk to other dudes, he can talk to other females? I really don't want to talk to other dues.. to be honest they're a waste of my damn time. Good to look at and all but I don't waste my time. Man.. if he does I just gotta live with the fact of it, I gotta remain on top focus on school and work. You know.. that's what I'm gonna focus on. Fuck everything else and everyone. School and Work. School and Work. School and Work. Stay focused on my goals, and i'll remain on top. I did it with Misi, and I got my brand new car, and I can do the same block everything out and forget about all my emotions and shove them so far down I swallow them. You ready? I am.
okay. Now that I've gotten my frustration out. But I'm actually doing good, I'm working on my emotions and learning slowly by slowly how to trust him. I mean it's not that I don't trust him i'm just a suspicisious person, but how can you blame me? But i'm learning and everyday gaining a little more trust in him than I did before. After all, I mean... I'm still learning you know. I'm ready for school and I'm ready to focus.. I can't wait to start school. I'm just so damn determined to be somebody, to make that money, to have that job to provide myself with the things I need. And maybe in a few years, start to build a happy home and I can just rest in.. but like I said a few years.. I never get too far ahead of my self. I've learned to pace myself.
Life has been crazy lately. Yesterday, I just wanted to end it. Not because I don't love him or care about him, but because I do love him, and sometimes I feel like i'm not the best thing for him, and that I cause him so much trouble.. like i'm more of a problem than a solution, and I don't want that, I don't wanna mess up his life.. and I don't want him to be sitting next to me in a few years, resenting me because I'm the person that caused him not to be where he wants to be, that's the last thing I ever wanted. But I know deep down inside, I couldn't let him go like that... that would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.. honestly, I think that would be the breaking point to where I would just break down.
Damn.. why does love always got to be some damn complicated? Why don't people just live happily ever after in the end?
I sure I wish I did.
I still hate this shit though. UGHGI&#$*&#*$(&*&#.. it's weird saying that, and even thinking it. Kinda hurts to be honest.. but really it's just a label.. but why does it feel weird? So does this mean I can talk to other dudes, he can talk to other females? I really don't want to talk to other dues.. to be honest they're a waste of my damn time. Good to look at and all but I don't waste my time. Man.. if he does I just gotta live with the fact of it, I gotta remain on top focus on school and work. You know.. that's what I'm gonna focus on. Fuck everything else and everyone. School and Work. School and Work. School and Work. Stay focused on my goals, and i'll remain on top. I did it with Misi, and I got my brand new car, and I can do the same block everything out and forget about all my emotions and shove them so far down I swallow them. You ready? I am.
okay. Now that I've gotten my frustration out. But I'm actually doing good, I'm working on my emotions and learning slowly by slowly how to trust him. I mean it's not that I don't trust him i'm just a suspicisious person, but how can you blame me? But i'm learning and everyday gaining a little more trust in him than I did before. After all, I mean... I'm still learning you know. I'm ready for school and I'm ready to focus.. I can't wait to start school. I'm just so damn determined to be somebody, to make that money, to have that job to provide myself with the things I need. And maybe in a few years, start to build a happy home and I can just rest in.. but like I said a few years.. I never get too far ahead of my self. I've learned to pace myself.
Life has been crazy lately. Yesterday, I just wanted to end it. Not because I don't love him or care about him, but because I do love him, and sometimes I feel like i'm not the best thing for him, and that I cause him so much trouble.. like i'm more of a problem than a solution, and I don't want that, I don't wanna mess up his life.. and I don't want him to be sitting next to me in a few years, resenting me because I'm the person that caused him not to be where he wants to be, that's the last thing I ever wanted. But I know deep down inside, I couldn't let him go like that... that would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.. honestly, I think that would be the breaking point to where I would just break down.
Damn.. why does love always got to be some damn complicated? Why don't people just live happily ever after in the end?
I sure I wish I did.