changes
lmao. i completely forgot about livejournal. i just went through a bunch of posts and felt so many different emotions at the same time..initial embarrassment at how lame i was i.e. my last post and the use of the word "fantabulous" -__-, amused by how different we spoke and what we felt was really important to write about a few years ago i.e. long ass updates about our weekends of going to sunset place, nostalgia for some of the moments that actually WERE awesome, and then this kind of mixed feeling...the kind of feeling you get when you look through a photo album where you start out smiling and laughing at all your memories and then your smile turns down..and you get a little sad because you realized just how OLD you've gotten. and then you take the pictures in more deeply, as though you're trying to bring back and hold onto the memories that they're capturing. it's a funny thing..because some of the posts just made me REALLY glad that i've grown up or that certain times have passed (like when all our drama was publicized via livejournal and it'd be this huge ordeal with like 84 comments when the whole thing could have been resolved with a 10 minute conversation in person). but at the same time it was like going to a funeral for someone you weren't THAT close to or who you didn't particularly like/love..no matter what your feelings about them were, it's still a loss..an end. it's just so crazy to think that the last time i wrote on this thing or checked it i was 15, barely a sophomore in high school..i hadn't even started dating gio yet which was an era in of itself. and now i'm 18, living across the country from my family and my old friends. and although i'm looooving UCLA as well as my friends here and i feel incredibly blessed & wouldn't trade my situation for anything, it's a little unnerving to think that so much of the life i knew for years and years is completely different, even if some or most of the changes are for the better. HOWEVER, in a way it brought me some peace as well. it assured me that i no longer hold any of the grudges i've held in the past and i'm actually proud of certain people for overcoming challenges and growing into themselves. and even if the new chapters we're all living now don't necessarily include each other in the way that they did in the past, i still recognize and appreciate all our memories that shaped me over the years. on that note..i'm really excited to see where we all end up and what kind of people we'll be.. and it's already going by SO fast, we're almost sophomores in college WHAT THE FUCK! but it's amazing too.