Ahh Summer
The time to kick back, relax, get a job, attempt to catch up on all the projects that somehow find school and homework their life antithesis, and be generally restless.
Since I started seriously contemplating writing as a career in my sophomore year of high school, I've never had nothing to do. There's always this project to work on (mentally) and always this new plot to muse on or entertain myself with. It's a big difference. I look at the kids my age (and they are all so much still kids) and think how it must be like if, in your free time, there was nothing that you applied yourself to. Of course, they still do things and maybe have a hobby, but most people don't keep hobbies and what can be done is rarely skill-building or has longer effects than a spent afternoon. I think about that, and then I think that maybe it's not so surprising that many people feel lost in their lives. They have no personal goals, nothing to achieve on their own, just their work, their relationship, their friendships, and their needs. They don't give themselves any greater goals beyond making more money or getting more time for their relationships or themselves.
I had weird ideas as a kid (most of which are too embarrassing to ever bring up, ever) and I think it was because I didn't have the comfort of a busy social life or a hard school career to distract myself. I was alone (and still am) 20 hours out of 24 and with that time on your hands you start thinking about the nature of yourself and your life a lot more than most people ever will. I'm not an extremely deep person (I distract myself in other ways, anime, manga, reading, pretend...) but I've spent more time with myself than most and can sit in silence and be comfortable (though bored).
I remember one time, Mr. Taylor my Latin teacher, after the classroom had gone silent in one of those occasional, weird sudden lapses where everyone seems to finish their conversations at the same time, saying something as the obligatory chick said "Wow, why is it so quiet? it got really quiet!" [they sound so nervous when they say that] And he said, "You know, I think, that the people who are uncomfortable in silence and who always need some background noise, are uncomfortable with themselves."
It was always the same people who said those things. Or maybe, I should say, the same type of people. It's always just that one girl who never seems to stop talking.
I always feel so restless during the summer, because there is something that I want, need, to do, but I'm never doing it.
Since I started seriously contemplating writing as a career in my sophomore year of high school, I've never had nothing to do. There's always this project to work on (mentally) and always this new plot to muse on or entertain myself with. It's a big difference. I look at the kids my age (and they are all so much still kids) and think how it must be like if, in your free time, there was nothing that you applied yourself to. Of course, they still do things and maybe have a hobby, but most people don't keep hobbies and what can be done is rarely skill-building or has longer effects than a spent afternoon. I think about that, and then I think that maybe it's not so surprising that many people feel lost in their lives. They have no personal goals, nothing to achieve on their own, just their work, their relationship, their friendships, and their needs. They don't give themselves any greater goals beyond making more money or getting more time for their relationships or themselves.
I had weird ideas as a kid (most of which are too embarrassing to ever bring up, ever) and I think it was because I didn't have the comfort of a busy social life or a hard school career to distract myself. I was alone (and still am) 20 hours out of 24 and with that time on your hands you start thinking about the nature of yourself and your life a lot more than most people ever will. I'm not an extremely deep person (I distract myself in other ways, anime, manga, reading, pretend...) but I've spent more time with myself than most and can sit in silence and be comfortable (though bored).
I remember one time, Mr. Taylor my Latin teacher, after the classroom had gone silent in one of those occasional, weird sudden lapses where everyone seems to finish their conversations at the same time, saying something as the obligatory chick said "Wow, why is it so quiet? it got really quiet!" [they sound so nervous when they say that] And he said, "You know, I think, that the people who are uncomfortable in silence and who always need some background noise, are uncomfortable with themselves."
It was always the same people who said those things. Or maybe, I should say, the same type of people. It's always just that one girl who never seems to stop talking.
I always feel so restless during the summer, because there is something that I want, need, to do, but I'm never doing it.