i am not good
*this is me bitching and moaning about myself, its so pathetic and embarrasing, but fuck if i care*
due to recent events, ive come to truely loathe myself, the people i never want to hurt are the people that i do hurt. so many feelings, im only fucking seventeen and another thing on the list of lifelong regrets, im horribly sorry that i was horrible. again, i take a look at myself tonight, and hate what i see because it strayed so far from the person i wanted to be. Why cant i live up to even myself? that should be the easist and most needing person one should live up to, ive fallen into a slump that i really dont care about anything that happens to me because i deserve it all. if for some reason i died, wheres the loss? sorry bot be morbid, but holy shit, one of the worst and most horrible days of my life, its not like i would ever kill myself, or ever really want to, im to cowardly to go through with that, but i just think i would find a lack of caring if i did...when you detach yourself from everything, the view is greater, but you cant be involved in any of the goings and happenings you are witnessing...ive hurt a lot of people today, i did a lot of wrong things, so, this is so pointless, if youve read to here and havent stop, you must be fucking retarded because its all about me whineing about not being able to take responsability, and me complaining about shit i did to myself. ive "made my own bed, so i have to sleep in it" but...still, if you did read this far i suppose that shows either boredom, or maybe, for some reason which i truly cant fathom at this moment, you cared...um, thanks for you misplaced, whatever...
due to recent events, ive come to truely loathe myself, the people i never want to hurt are the people that i do hurt. so many feelings, im only fucking seventeen and another thing on the list of lifelong regrets, im horribly sorry that i was horrible. again, i take a look at myself tonight, and hate what i see because it strayed so far from the person i wanted to be. Why cant i live up to even myself? that should be the easist and most needing person one should live up to, ive fallen into a slump that i really dont care about anything that happens to me because i deserve it all. if for some reason i died, wheres the loss? sorry bot be morbid, but holy shit, one of the worst and most horrible days of my life, its not like i would ever kill myself, or ever really want to, im to cowardly to go through with that, but i just think i would find a lack of caring if i did...when you detach yourself from everything, the view is greater, but you cant be involved in any of the goings and happenings you are witnessing...ive hurt a lot of people today, i did a lot of wrong things, so, this is so pointless, if youve read to here and havent stop, you must be fucking retarded because its all about me whineing about not being able to take responsability, and me complaining about shit i did to myself. ive "made my own bed, so i have to sleep in it" but...still, if you did read this far i suppose that shows either boredom, or maybe, for some reason which i truly cant fathom at this moment, you cared...um, thanks for you misplaced, whatever...