Dear Edmund, stop trying to be Peter. Unless Caspian asks really nicely
So. Voyage of the Dawn Treader, huh? (We took our sweet time about seeing it because STUPID 3-fucking-D. They put up the ad in the trailers saying, "Keep your glasses for the next 3D movie you watch!" and I said, "God willing and weather permitting, I will NEVER SEE ANOTHER ONE EVER AGAIN." Anyway.)
There are two main problems I have with the canon book text of VotDT.
Relating to point the second: in which case, I actually sort of liked the green-mist-of-evil tying everything together and delivering us an early reason to move towards the conclusion, weaving through the journey, providing an ongoing SOMETHING, at least. (The Male didn't. The Male is a purist.)
Things that are probably only funny to Australians: slavers with okka accents; Gary Sweet (who was Drinian).
There is nothing like structure to this reaction post, I don't know why I'm even trying to pretend there is.
I loved Eustace. Egregiously. He was just so well done. I mean, even when they were using him for stupid accidental humour, he did it well. I loved his grumpy-old-man delivery and his squealing like a pig and his reluctant little smiles and how much he conveyed in approximately a dozen words post-dragon. I don't know that I want an entire movie of him and no Pevensies.
Because, as everyone knows, I am here for the Pevensies, so let's talk about them. For starters, way to be a cocktease on the Peter content, movie trailer, though I admit I was baffled about how that was going to work anyway. But whatever, because Edmund was trying his darnedest to fill the Peter gap, with the whining about having been a king and all. I was a little disappointed in that: I get that it fulfils a narrative purpose in flagging the past of the franchise, but it just doesn't feel like Edmund to me. He's learned the hard way about whining, for starters.
On the other hand, Lucy's measuring herself against Susan was wonderful. Making it a theme instead of a one-off thing with the spellbook makes it feel a lot more organic, plus it just makes sense that a real-world growing-up Lucy would feel that way. (I make no claims that Narnian growing-up Lucy did, but that was all very different, and possibly part of the problem.) Her hairflip at Caspian, omg, so perfect, because this is The Man that Susan conquered, so of course Lucy has to have a go.
Also, OH BABY, HE FINE BABY. Ahem. No, seriously, there were at least two moments in that movie when I was completely distracted from whatever was going on by just how damn attractive Ben Barnes is. It probably wasn't anything important anyway, and I'm saying that because... well, somehow none of it felt all that important. Which is really strange for a movie that was working so hard to up the tension that they completely broke the boat, though afterwards no one noticed so I suppose that was ok then.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Caspian's hot. And not Spanish anymore, which I entertained myself by explaining as him trying to imitate the Pevensie accent, because that's how kings and queens talk. Seriously, it took months, and let's just say that he still slips up under extreme pressure. And in bed. We'll just ignore how he was screaming in British during battle and write lots of fic about the latter scenario, 'k? Good minions.
No seriously, where WAS I? As well as being hot, Caspian was quite good. I liked the ease and practice of his command, how he didn't really take offense at Edmund, just sort of waited patiently (unless provoked and green-smoked) and how clearly his people love him and know he's a good man. I still think it's bananas to let your King sail to the edge of the world. Maybe he got the entire country drunk and/or offered sexual favours.
OH FINE LET'S TALK ABOUT CASPIAN AND SEX. There should be some. Which really leaves Edmund, because I really don't think Lucy's quite old enough as much as I love her, and also it wouldn't be good for her Susan complex. And there was some nice swordplay-is-foreplay in there and a demonstrated adjacency of sleeping arrangements and honestly, do I have to do all the work here? Actually, I'm sure I don't, but I'm not allowed to hit the fic comms until after I've written this post, or this post won't get written.
...which I think it now is. Yay!
Edited to add: I don't know, apparently I do need to do the work, or I'm just not looking in the right places? Where's the good Dawntreader slash? Or whatever, as long as Caspian's getting some. What I did find was oodles of press stills and publicity interview videos, and apparently I now have an attention span of three-point-two seconds for anything that isn't Ben Barnes being gorgeous and idiotic and marvellous. Oops.
There are two main problems I have with the canon book text of VotDT.
- Christianity with a brick. I think I have a vivid memory of throwing the book down at that point, but really, that could have been almost any of them.
- The linear story-arc. "This happened next because that is the direction they were travelling in" is a story construction I hate. Virulently. Wherever I encounter it. It doesn't matter who the author or how passionately I usually love their work, I HATE when things happen next. (I read a Diana Wynne Jones the other week that had this story structure for its first half, and it's only because it was DWJ that I even got to the second half.)
Relating to point the second: in which case, I actually sort of liked the green-mist-of-evil tying everything together and delivering us an early reason to move towards the conclusion, weaving through the journey, providing an ongoing SOMETHING, at least. (The Male didn't. The Male is a purist.)
Things that are probably only funny to Australians: slavers with okka accents; Gary Sweet (who was Drinian).
There is nothing like structure to this reaction post, I don't know why I'm even trying to pretend there is.
I loved Eustace. Egregiously. He was just so well done. I mean, even when they were using him for stupid accidental humour, he did it well. I loved his grumpy-old-man delivery and his squealing like a pig and his reluctant little smiles and how much he conveyed in approximately a dozen words post-dragon. I don't know that I want an entire movie of him and no Pevensies.
Because, as everyone knows, I am here for the Pevensies, so let's talk about them. For starters, way to be a cocktease on the Peter content, movie trailer, though I admit I was baffled about how that was going to work anyway. But whatever, because Edmund was trying his darnedest to fill the Peter gap, with the whining about having been a king and all. I was a little disappointed in that: I get that it fulfils a narrative purpose in flagging the past of the franchise, but it just doesn't feel like Edmund to me. He's learned the hard way about whining, for starters.
On the other hand, Lucy's measuring herself against Susan was wonderful. Making it a theme instead of a one-off thing with the spellbook makes it feel a lot more organic, plus it just makes sense that a real-world growing-up Lucy would feel that way. (I make no claims that Narnian growing-up Lucy did, but that was all very different, and possibly part of the problem.) Her hairflip at Caspian, omg, so perfect, because this is The Man that Susan conquered, so of course Lucy has to have a go.
Also, OH BABY, HE FINE BABY. Ahem. No, seriously, there were at least two moments in that movie when I was completely distracted from whatever was going on by just how damn attractive Ben Barnes is. It probably wasn't anything important anyway, and I'm saying that because... well, somehow none of it felt all that important. Which is really strange for a movie that was working so hard to up the tension that they completely broke the boat, though afterwards no one noticed so I suppose that was ok then.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Caspian's hot. And not Spanish anymore, which I entertained myself by explaining as him trying to imitate the Pevensie accent, because that's how kings and queens talk. Seriously, it took months, and let's just say that he still slips up under extreme pressure. And in bed. We'll just ignore how he was screaming in British during battle and write lots of fic about the latter scenario, 'k? Good minions.
No seriously, where WAS I? As well as being hot, Caspian was quite good. I liked the ease and practice of his command, how he didn't really take offense at Edmund, just sort of waited patiently (unless provoked and green-smoked) and how clearly his people love him and know he's a good man. I still think it's bananas to let your King sail to the edge of the world. Maybe he got the entire country drunk and/or offered sexual favours.
OH FINE LET'S TALK ABOUT CASPIAN AND SEX. There should be some. Which really leaves Edmund, because I really don't think Lucy's quite old enough as much as I love her, and also it wouldn't be good for her Susan complex. And there was some nice swordplay-is-foreplay in there and a demonstrated adjacency of sleeping arrangements and honestly, do I have to do all the work here? Actually, I'm sure I don't, but I'm not allowed to hit the fic comms until after I've written this post, or this post won't get written.
...which I think it now is. Yay!
Edited to add: I don't know, apparently I do need to do the work, or I'm just not looking in the right places? Where's the good Dawntreader slash? Or whatever, as long as Caspian's getting some. What I did find was oodles of press stills and publicity interview videos, and apparently I now have an attention span of three-point-two seconds for anything that isn't Ben Barnes being gorgeous and idiotic and marvellous. Oops.