Torchwood Meta: For Different Values of Love by cupidsbow

[cupidsbow]

You've probably all noticed that I've been watching Torchwood and reading the fanfic lately. What you probably haven't yet realised is that I think I've... um... sort of... fallen into fannish love

Comments

[cupidsbow]

You know, two of my very close friends are in poly relationships, and the situation you outline (one of the falling in love with someone else and leaving) hasn't happened. Because when they fall in love with someone else, the someone else becomes part of the family, in one way or another.

These are just two examples, of course, and I have known other poly relationships that didn't work for various reasons, like jealousy, or uneven power dynamics. But of all the poly relationships I've known (and there have been quite a few) not one has ever ended in the cliche of one person leaving for someone else. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that I've come to the conclusion that it's way more complex, and also more interesting, than the cliche makes it sound.

Thanks for your comment. I've been thinking about the potential unevenness of power between Jack and Ianto, and I agree with you that it's an issue. But I think I'm leaning towards reading Ianto quite differently. While I agree he's less likely to sleep with other people than Jack, plus Jack's his boss, and Ianto is younger -- all of which should put Ianto at a definite disadvantage powerwise -- I am beginning to think that Ianto is actually both more intelligent and the more dominant of the two. So the power issue is much more complex than it appears on the surface, and I think part of the sexual tension between them is that neither Ianto or Jack are quite sure yet where the power lines are. That's what makes me want to write them! :)

[tigercheetah]

I agree with what you've said. :)

For me personally, I don't believe that you should have open relationships if you feel the need to lay down a set of rules about how often and with whom you stray. You're either comfortable with sharing your partner with other people or your not. You shouldn't complicate things. As long as Ianto isn't attached to Jack in a romatic way, I don't think he'd be too bothered about what Jack's gets up away from the Hub.

I actually believe that Jack is too good looking to sleep around because he's more likely to break hearts than Owen or Gwen or Tosh. :)

[cupidsbow]

But Tosh is the best looking member of the team! :)

[strangedave]

It turns out, in practice, that life is rather more complicated. You might be happy for your partner to sleep with other people when you aren't around, but jealously protective of the limited time you get to spend with them apart from your busy job. Or you might be happy to share your partner, but not your bedroom. Or you might find some particular mutual shared activity other than sex to be very important to your relationship, and not want it neglected. Or people might simply want a solid routine with their partner, rather than not knowing when to expect to see them based on a third persons desires. Or in other ways, simply have important expectations of your partner other than sexual fidelity that you need to make clear.

In practice, it is very common (and very human) for people to be quite happy for their partner to sleep with other people, but to get very snarky once the new relationship starts to inconvenience them in practical ways. But it is also common in established poly relationships for people to find ways in which they can turn that around and find ways in which the more complex relationship can be convenient.

[foi_nefaste]

Because when they fall in love with someone else, the someone else becomes part of the family, in one way or another. That's basically what happened with my partner and his family (his wife and her other partner) - because just falling in love with someone else doesn't mean that the first relationship is invalid, and, in fact, doesn't actually have anything much to do with it. I really like knowing the feeling that relationships stand/fail on their own - it isn't a competition, and it isn't because you care for more than one person that one relationship is "better" or "more valid" than others, and that it isn't a choice between me and him/her, if that makes any sense (gawd, I need coffee to be more coherent).

In fic, I have issues with the sex=Twu Wuv thing that seems to be everywhere. Even disregarding the poly thing (which, ok, not that many fics actually deal with), most people I know have, at some point, had sex with someone they weren't in love with, for various reasons ('cause they felt like it, 'cause they're friends and hey, it happened, etc). The sex=love thing is kind of disturbing to me because of that - both sex and love are fun, messy, complicated (sometimes), and worth it (usually), but they're not the same, and they don't necessarily have to come together.

In terms of Jack and Ianto, specifically, I can't ever see Jack thinking that sex with Ianto meant Twu Eternal Wuv (yes, you can probably feel the sarcasm in that...). And, realistically, I can't see Ianto expecting that, either, given personality traits and whatnot.

... any good recs for non-shmoopy fics in this fandom would be greatly appreciated, though. I've mostly avoided due to previously-mentioned issues.

[_fx]

If you don't mind recs from a passer-through, I can point you towards copperbadge's Torchwood fic - he's my favorite author in the fandom. He also keeps a collection of fic links on delicious that I've had good luck with.

[transcendancing]

I'm thankful for this!! *bounce*

[foi_nefaste]

Ooooh. How awesome! Thanks!

[transcendancing]

OMG you're so awesome! *hearts*

You said stuff I wanted to! Yet at 1:30am it wasn't happening :) Thank you!!

Also *hand waving for non schmoopy recs* particularly if they actually deal with / look at the poly aspect well.

[cupidsbow]

... any good recs for non-shmoopy fics in this fandom would be greatly appreciated, though. I've mostly avoided due to previously-mentioned issues.

I recently posted a Primer for Reading Torchwood, and there's a section on where to find recs, plus some more suggestions in comments.

You can find my own recs on delicious (at the rec_room). So far the focus is on timetravel stories, or Jack/Ianto (no real poly) stories, just because that's what I've found and liked so far.