Torchwood Meta: For Different Values of Love by cupidsbow
You've probably all noticed that I've been watching Torchwood and reading the fanfic lately. What you probably haven't yet realised is that I think I've... um... sort of... fallen into fannish love.
Head over teakettle, actually.
I haven't felt this much interest in what makes characters tick since John and Rodney, and I'm still reeling a bit at finding myself in the midst of a new fandom passion. It happened so fast!
Torchwood has all the best hooks for fanfiction, to the point that I'm starting to tell myself stories, and, well, let's just say that I'm a bit surprised at the kind of stories I'm telling myself so far.
When it comes to fanfic, the thing that usually makes me want to write is that I become fascinated with a particular pairing and what makes it work (or not). In Lotrips, it was looking at how a performance of friendship could turn into real intimacy, and in Stargate: Atlantis it was looking at all the different shapes of denial/repression/hiding that John's career forced on him, and how Rodney's investment in his intelligence had robbed him of other choices. In Torchwood, I find that I'm really interested in polyamory, and particularly in Jack and Ianto's internal landscapes as people who are genuinely not invested in monogamy. Huh. Didn't see that coming at all!
Monogamy vs Polyamory
I've really only started to think about this, but already I've had conversations with angstslashhope and mynxii, and in both cases we talked about how polyamory actually works and how in real life it doesn't look much like most depictions in fanfiction. The two of them really riled me up with ideas and enthusiasm!
You know, now that I think about it, I've been amazingly invested in the idea of monogamy within my fanfic. It's not like I've limited my reading to stories about monogamy, but you'd never know I had a wider interest just by looking at what I've written. This strikes me as odd, as there are a large number of polyamorous families in my life, and I've long been interested in the way people negotiate relationships that don't fit into the expected pigeonholes. So why haven't I been writing about this before now?
On my quest for answers, I went looking for Torchwood stories about complex relationships, to see what kinds of stories interested me most. What I overwhelmingly found, however, were all these Oh-my-God-make-it-stop angsty schmoopfests in which Jack is hurting poor Ianto by slutting around. Or, even worse, they are married and shacked up and monogamous, as though that's the only way they could be happy together. And that's just... so wrong. It's so simplistic and so, so wrong.
It isn't how any of the real life poly relationships I've seen work, and what's more, that isn't how I read Captain Jack at all, even taking into account the sometimes dodgy-writing-and-acting aspects of the show. It's certainly not how I read Ianto! In fact, nearly all the appeal of the pairing, for me, is that many of those usual binaries are open to reinterpretation.
The conversation I want to have is all about how people negotiate a relationship, once you get rid of the expectation of monogamy, and once love isn't about ownership. Or maybe I want to talk about how you do negotiate your way to monogamy if your starting point is anything goes. Or maybe I want to talk about how Ianto has ended up so okay with polyamory, when on the surface he's kind of conservative (okay, yeah, I really want to talk about that a lot).
My current reading of what's going on between Jack and Ianto is still a work in progress (I haven't written a single story yet, after all), but I've outlined the broad strokes below, along with some fact checking for definitions -- mynxii and I were debating our different usages of "polyamory" and "polygamy". The definitions are pretty much what I thought they'd be, but I'm probably more monogamy-blinkered than she is, which means her usage may be more useful.
Are there better words to use for this? "Poly" is the one my social group uses, and given the definitions below it seems a good choice. But I'd love to know if there are other terms in common use. I'm also interested in slang or specific phrases which convey subtleties of relationship dynamics, once you're outside the expectation of monogamy.
Definitions from dictionary.com
Monogamy (mono = one; gamos = marriage):
Polygamy (poly = many; gamos = marriage):
Polyamory (poly = many; amor = love):
Jack + Ianto 4 eva?
So what might Jack and Ianto's canonical "dabbling" actually mean, once translated into an expectation of polyamory? I'm sure you can all use your imaginations to come up with lots of scenarios, but here are a four examples that span a range from the casual to the not-so casual.
For what it's worth, I think in S2 canon Jack and Ianto are somewhere between scenarios #1 and #2, but they're on a journey leading to something like #3 or #4. My reading breaks down like this:
Ianto: Ianto calls it "dabbling" because he thinks they're at #1 (Jack's reputation being what it is). He's unhappy about it, though, because he wants to be at #2 or #3, but isn't sure if it's on offer, or that he trusts Jack to commit to that, or trusts himself to love like that again. I honestly don't think he cares about monogamy, but he does care about commitment, even though he's terrified of what he might be capable of if he loves Jack like that.
Jack: Jack is already working on the assumption that they are at #2, and are working towards #3. What's more, I think he would possibly be game for #4 once he's sure of Ianto (or even a monogamous marriage, if it were a deal breaker for Ianto). Under the slick surface, Jack is kind of needy and wants to be loved full-on, no brakes -- and that's a big part of Ianto's attraction, because Jack knows he can do that.
That's kind of where I'm at right now. That's the Jack and Ianto I'm reading on screen, and the ones I really want to find out more about in fiction.
What about you? Are there stories outside of the "monogamy = true love" ideal that you have always wanted to read? Is there something that particularly fascinates you about Jack and/or Ianto? Or does the whole idea of polyamory just make you uncomfortable?
I'd really love to know your thoughts on this, so go ahead and rant in comments -- anon posting is on.
Err. In the interests of full disclosure, I've kind of got a thing about answering comments going on at the moment -- sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed and need to go have several large cups of tea. I always read everything people post in reply to this kind of essay, but my New Year's resolution was to chill out and give myself no homework in an effort to regain my zen about writing and posting, so I'm just going to take it as it comes, and that means I might never reply to your comment. I totally understand if the idea of not being acknowledged wigs you out.
Head over teakettle, actually.
I haven't felt this much interest in what makes characters tick since John and Rodney, and I'm still reeling a bit at finding myself in the midst of a new fandom passion. It happened so fast!
Torchwood has all the best hooks for fanfiction, to the point that I'm starting to tell myself stories, and, well, let's just say that I'm a bit surprised at the kind of stories I'm telling myself so far.
When it comes to fanfic, the thing that usually makes me want to write is that I become fascinated with a particular pairing and what makes it work (or not). In Lotrips, it was looking at how a performance of friendship could turn into real intimacy, and in Stargate: Atlantis it was looking at all the different shapes of denial/repression/hiding that John's career forced on him, and how Rodney's investment in his intelligence had robbed him of other choices. In Torchwood, I find that I'm really interested in polyamory, and particularly in Jack and Ianto's internal landscapes as people who are genuinely not invested in monogamy. Huh. Didn't see that coming at all!
Monogamy vs Polyamory
I've really only started to think about this, but already I've had conversations with angstslashhope and mynxii, and in both cases we talked about how polyamory actually works and how in real life it doesn't look much like most depictions in fanfiction. The two of them really riled me up with ideas and enthusiasm!
You know, now that I think about it, I've been amazingly invested in the idea of monogamy within my fanfic. It's not like I've limited my reading to stories about monogamy, but you'd never know I had a wider interest just by looking at what I've written. This strikes me as odd, as there are a large number of polyamorous families in my life, and I've long been interested in the way people negotiate relationships that don't fit into the expected pigeonholes. So why haven't I been writing about this before now?
On my quest for answers, I went looking for Torchwood stories about complex relationships, to see what kinds of stories interested me most. What I overwhelmingly found, however, were all these Oh-my-God-make-it-stop angsty schmoopfests in which Jack is hurting poor Ianto by slutting around. Or, even worse, they are married and shacked up and monogamous, as though that's the only way they could be happy together. And that's just... so wrong. It's so simplistic and so, so wrong.
It isn't how any of the real life poly relationships I've seen work, and what's more, that isn't how I read Captain Jack at all, even taking into account the sometimes dodgy-writing-and-acting aspects of the show. It's certainly not how I read Ianto! In fact, nearly all the appeal of the pairing, for me, is that many of those usual binaries are open to reinterpretation.
The conversation I want to have is all about how people negotiate a relationship, once you get rid of the expectation of monogamy, and once love isn't about ownership. Or maybe I want to talk about how you do negotiate your way to monogamy if your starting point is anything goes. Or maybe I want to talk about how Ianto has ended up so okay with polyamory, when on the surface he's kind of conservative (okay, yeah, I really want to talk about that a lot).
My current reading of what's going on between Jack and Ianto is still a work in progress (I haven't written a single story yet, after all), but I've outlined the broad strokes below, along with some fact checking for definitions -- mynxii and I were debating our different usages of "polyamory" and "polygamy". The definitions are pretty much what I thought they'd be, but I'm probably more monogamy-blinkered than she is, which means her usage may be more useful.
Are there better words to use for this? "Poly" is the one my social group uses, and given the definitions below it seems a good choice. But I'd love to know if there are other terms in common use. I'm also interested in slang or specific phrases which convey subtleties of relationship dynamics, once you're outside the expectation of monogamy.
Definitions from dictionary.com
Monogamy (mono = one; gamos = marriage):
- marriage with only one person at a time. Compare bigamy, polygamy.
- Zoology. the practice of having only one mate.
- the practice of marrying only once during life.
Polygamy (poly = many; gamos = marriage):
- the practice or condition of having more than one spouse, esp. wife, at one time. Compare bigamy (def. 1), monogamy (def. 1).
- Zoology. the habit or system of mating with more than one individual, either simultaneously or successively.
Polyamory (poly = many; amor = love):
- participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.
Jack + Ianto 4 eva?
So what might Jack and Ianto's canonical "dabbling" actually mean, once translated into an expectation of polyamory? I'm sure you can all use your imaginations to come up with lots of scenarios, but here are a four examples that span a range from the casual to the not-so casual.
- The relationship is totally open. Jack and Ianto can sleep with anyone else they want to, with no expectation of disclosure or prioritising their own relationship as more important. They might have some very simple rules, like they must always use condoms, they never invite a third person in without checking that it's okay first, and/or they never give details to other partners about what happens between Jack and Ianto.
- The relationship between Jack and Ianto has some priority, but they can sleep with anyone else they like in their spare time (assuming they have any). The contract of what is allowed and what constitutes cheating would probably be a bit more elaborate than in scenario #1. For example, it might mean that Jack and Ianto don't use protection when sleeping together, but must when having sex with other people. It might mean that they both have a limited right to veto partners if there's some good reason to think it might undermine their own relationship (taking up with manipulative exes like John Hart, for instance). It might mean they can (or must) tell each other who they sleep with, but not share their own relationship with other partners.
- The relationship between Jack and Ianto is primary, and there are limits on who else they can sleep with and when. For instance, they might be allowed to flirt and make out with anyone they like, but actual sex partners must be okayed first. They might only be allowed to sleep with other people in some kind of threesome, either active or voyeuristic. Perhaps they mustn't do anything which would undermine their primary claim to each other -- so if one or both of them wants another long-term partner, they'd need to negotiate that.
- Jack and Ianto have some kind of formal contract, which is something like a marriage with shared property etc, and it lays out complex rules about when they can sleep with other people. For instance, only when work means they can't spend the night together; only one other partner at a time; only casual partners; only women; etc -- and both have absolute right of veto over other partners.
For what it's worth, I think in S2 canon Jack and Ianto are somewhere between scenarios #1 and #2, but they're on a journey leading to something like #3 or #4. My reading breaks down like this:
Ianto: Ianto calls it "dabbling" because he thinks they're at #1 (Jack's reputation being what it is). He's unhappy about it, though, because he wants to be at #2 or #3, but isn't sure if it's on offer, or that he trusts Jack to commit to that, or trusts himself to love like that again. I honestly don't think he cares about monogamy, but he does care about commitment, even though he's terrified of what he might be capable of if he loves Jack like that.
Jack: Jack is already working on the assumption that they are at #2, and are working towards #3. What's more, I think he would possibly be game for #4 once he's sure of Ianto (or even a monogamous marriage, if it were a deal breaker for Ianto). Under the slick surface, Jack is kind of needy and wants to be loved full-on, no brakes -- and that's a big part of Ianto's attraction, because Jack knows he can do that.
That's kind of where I'm at right now. That's the Jack and Ianto I'm reading on screen, and the ones I really want to find out more about in fiction.
What about you? Are there stories outside of the "monogamy = true love" ideal that you have always wanted to read? Is there something that particularly fascinates you about Jack and/or Ianto? Or does the whole idea of polyamory just make you uncomfortable?
I'd really love to know your thoughts on this, so go ahead and rant in comments -- anon posting is on.
Err. In the interests of full disclosure, I've kind of got a thing about answering comments going on at the moment -- sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed and need to go have several large cups of tea. I always read everything people post in reply to this kind of essay, but my New Year's resolution was to chill out and give myself no homework in an effort to regain my zen about writing and posting, so I'm just going to take it as it comes, and that means I might never reply to your comment. I totally understand if the idea of not being acknowledged wigs you out.