Damn it, I need to use this thing more

[cunninggod]

Within the last week or so, a couple of people that I follow on here started posting again.  I really need to do the same.  Shit is swirling around in my head, and sometimes I can't make heads or tails of it.  I've done a couple of private posts, and that has helped somewhat.  Therapy has helped me a lot, and now with the upcoming one year anniversary of the passing of my father, I'm starting to feel the anger that my therapist has been encouraging me to stop pushing aside.  I have to face my anger, and work through it.  Most of all, I need to find me.  I have steadily lost the person I found five years ago, the inner Lurch who had been pushed aside for so long.  Maybe writing will help me figure out what I need to do to get that part of me back out in the open.  Only time will tell.  Regardless, I need to change my social life and get back around friends...especially one who were there when the inner-Lurch came out (I'm looking at you Cajun).  I know a lot of you have been concerned, have wondered where I have disappeared to.  I appreciate that, and I'm sorry for going 'off the grid' so to speak.  This must end if I am going to remain sane.  I don't know how many of you still read this...even if nobody is reading I know it will help clear the gunk out of my head by writing about it.  Some posts (like this one), will be public, others private and I'm sure that some will be filtered, sometimes heavily.  If you are able to read posts from me, know that I am thankful and trust that those who end up on the filters will be discreet with the information I share.

To quote the Golden Girls - thank you for being my friend.  And now, some lyrics that are fitting right now...

Fuck it all and no regrets,
I hit the lights on these dark sets.
I need a voice to let myself
To let myself go free.
Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets,
I hit the lights on these dark sets.
Medallion noose, I'll hang myself.
Saint Anger 'round my neck