(no subject)
I just landed in LAX today. Of course Hayes was a star with the flight attendants, I have his picture as a wallpaper on my computer and all the flight attendants stopped by to say how cute he was.
It just felt...I really don't know how it felt. It's a bag of mixed emotions, I'm thankful he's no longer suffering, I miss him, I feel guilty that I wasn't able to do anything, I'm proud of him for hanging on as long as he did. It's a cornucopia of feelings, sometimes I smile when I remember him, sometimes I break down, sometimes my chest tightens up. I keep telling him I'm okay, but I know those nights alone will be tough.
Luckily I'll only be alone for 2 nights (for now), I'm flying back to Manila on Friday. I feel like I'm getting sick though. I hope not. My wife is still recovering, I worry about her too. I worry about her going through post-partum depression when I'm not there.
When I was in NRT, I was walking from the lounge to the gate and was looking for a tissue to blow my nose, I reached inside the pocket of my hoodie and found his burp towel. The same towel I cried in during Hayes' last hours and his wake.
I thank everyone for the well wishes, I apologize for not being able to thank everyone personally, I just feel drained, physically and emotionally.
It just felt...I really don't know how it felt. It's a bag of mixed emotions, I'm thankful he's no longer suffering, I miss him, I feel guilty that I wasn't able to do anything, I'm proud of him for hanging on as long as he did. It's a cornucopia of feelings, sometimes I smile when I remember him, sometimes I break down, sometimes my chest tightens up. I keep telling him I'm okay, but I know those nights alone will be tough.
Luckily I'll only be alone for 2 nights (for now), I'm flying back to Manila on Friday. I feel like I'm getting sick though. I hope not. My wife is still recovering, I worry about her too. I worry about her going through post-partum depression when I'm not there.
When I was in NRT, I was walking from the lounge to the gate and was looking for a tissue to blow my nose, I reached inside the pocket of my hoodie and found his burp towel. The same towel I cried in during Hayes' last hours and his wake.
I thank everyone for the well wishes, I apologize for not being able to thank everyone personally, I just feel drained, physically and emotionally.