Supernatural Fanfic: I Feel Pretty
Rating: PG
Author: cuddyclothes
Disclaimer: I don't do disclaimers.
Genre: Crack
Wordcount: 600
Characters: Dean, Sam
A/N My first "Supernatural" fic. Be kind. Written for Cursed!Week at spn_bigpretzel
Their suits were so worn, they looked like the FBI shopped at the Salvation Army.
“Gotta get nice ones, Dean,” Sam said, opening the door to Bootlach’s Better Buys For Men. “They last longer than the stuff from Target.”
As they thumbed through the racks, Dean nudged Sam. “Check out the male model.”
A handsome guy was gazing at himself as if he wanted to lick the mirror. He turned, admiring himself from every angle. He caught the brothers staring at him.
“Don’t I look divine?” he asked smugly. “Everything looks perfect on me! I could wear a burlap bag and it would look like Tommy Hilfiger.”
“Yeah, yeah, you look like that Somerholder guy,” Dean nodded, and turned back to the rack. He gave Sam a look.
“Wow, Dean, that guy is more full of himself than you are,” Sam said. “Didn’t know it was possible.”
“I BEG your pardon?” said the man. He glared at Sam. “I heard that, you enormous toad!”
Sam sputtered an apology, and looked helplessly at Dean. When they turned back, the man was gone.
**********************************************
“Ya know, this is an awesome suit,” Sam observed back in the motel bathroom. He turned and lifted the suit coat. “Look at that ass. That is one tight, shapely ass.”
“Dude!” Dean’s head snapped up from his internet anime porn. “You don’t talk about your ass in front of your brother!”
“Why not?” Sam continued to look. “I work hard for this ass. I work hard for this perfect body. Have you seen my abs? My calves? My guns?”
Dean edged off his bed over to the one farther away. “Sammy, cut it out. It’s not funny.”
Sam briefly tore his eyes away from the mirror. “I’m not being funny, Dean. I’m pointing out the obvious. I’m tall, handsome-hell, I am one gorgeous hunk of man meat. Look at the size of my feet, Dean. No wonder every woman wants me.”
“Hold it right there, Fabio, you’re freaking me out.” Dean’s eyes grew wide. “That guy-that guy in the store-he was Narcissus! He put some kind of ‘I’m Matt Damon’ curse on you!”
“You’re jealous,” Sam said, his voice growing dreamy. “You’re shorter than I am. You’re dumber than I am. I’m masculine, and you’re...pretty.”
“I am not pretty!” Dean shot to his feet, outraged. “I will rip your nuts off!”
“You are not touching my amazingly large testicles or my immense cock.” Sam slipped the suit coat down his shoulders as if it was a mink stole. “Or I will use my Herculean strength to strangle you. I can do it, you know. I work out, you stuff your pretty, pretty face with cheeseburgers.”
“I am not pretty!”
“You’re pretty, and you’re bowlegged. Gaze upon these long, ideal legs. Jesus, how could I not notice my cheekbones?” Sam stripped off his coat, shirt, tie, pants, socks and underwear. His clothes fell to the bathroom tiles. “Oh. My. God.”
“Take it back! I am not pretty!” Dean stamped his feet like a five-year-old.
It was as if Dean wasn’t even there. Sam blew an surprised whistle at the mirror. “How did I not know this?” he murmured. “I must share this manly beauty with the world!” Sam strode to the motel door, stark naked.
Ordinarily Dean would have stopped him. But screw Sam, Dean was not pretty.
Dean ignored the shocked, angry yells from outside to take a peek in the bathroom mirror. He was a handsome sonovabitch, he had to admit that...
“Hey!” Dean jumped away from the mirror. No way he was going naked out into the motel parking lot.
Author: cuddyclothes
Disclaimer: I don't do disclaimers.
Genre: Crack
Wordcount: 600
Characters: Dean, Sam
A/N My first "Supernatural" fic. Be kind. Written for Cursed!Week at spn_bigpretzel
Their suits were so worn, they looked like the FBI shopped at the Salvation Army.
“Gotta get nice ones, Dean,” Sam said, opening the door to Bootlach’s Better Buys For Men. “They last longer than the stuff from Target.”
As they thumbed through the racks, Dean nudged Sam. “Check out the male model.”
A handsome guy was gazing at himself as if he wanted to lick the mirror. He turned, admiring himself from every angle. He caught the brothers staring at him.
“Don’t I look divine?” he asked smugly. “Everything looks perfect on me! I could wear a burlap bag and it would look like Tommy Hilfiger.”
“Yeah, yeah, you look like that Somerholder guy,” Dean nodded, and turned back to the rack. He gave Sam a look.
“Wow, Dean, that guy is more full of himself than you are,” Sam said. “Didn’t know it was possible.”
“I BEG your pardon?” said the man. He glared at Sam. “I heard that, you enormous toad!”
Sam sputtered an apology, and looked helplessly at Dean. When they turned back, the man was gone.
**********************************************
“Ya know, this is an awesome suit,” Sam observed back in the motel bathroom. He turned and lifted the suit coat. “Look at that ass. That is one tight, shapely ass.”
“Dude!” Dean’s head snapped up from his internet anime porn. “You don’t talk about your ass in front of your brother!”
“Why not?” Sam continued to look. “I work hard for this ass. I work hard for this perfect body. Have you seen my abs? My calves? My guns?”
Dean edged off his bed over to the one farther away. “Sammy, cut it out. It’s not funny.”
Sam briefly tore his eyes away from the mirror. “I’m not being funny, Dean. I’m pointing out the obvious. I’m tall, handsome-hell, I am one gorgeous hunk of man meat. Look at the size of my feet, Dean. No wonder every woman wants me.”
“Hold it right there, Fabio, you’re freaking me out.” Dean’s eyes grew wide. “That guy-that guy in the store-he was Narcissus! He put some kind of ‘I’m Matt Damon’ curse on you!”
“You’re jealous,” Sam said, his voice growing dreamy. “You’re shorter than I am. You’re dumber than I am. I’m masculine, and you’re...pretty.”
“I am not pretty!” Dean shot to his feet, outraged. “I will rip your nuts off!”
“You are not touching my amazingly large testicles or my immense cock.” Sam slipped the suit coat down his shoulders as if it was a mink stole. “Or I will use my Herculean strength to strangle you. I can do it, you know. I work out, you stuff your pretty, pretty face with cheeseburgers.”
“I am not pretty!”
“You’re pretty, and you’re bowlegged. Gaze upon these long, ideal legs. Jesus, how could I not notice my cheekbones?” Sam stripped off his coat, shirt, tie, pants, socks and underwear. His clothes fell to the bathroom tiles. “Oh. My. God.”
“Take it back! I am not pretty!” Dean stamped his feet like a five-year-old.
It was as if Dean wasn’t even there. Sam blew an surprised whistle at the mirror. “How did I not know this?” he murmured. “I must share this manly beauty with the world!” Sam strode to the motel door, stark naked.
Ordinarily Dean would have stopped him. But screw Sam, Dean was not pretty.
Dean ignored the shocked, angry yells from outside to take a peek in the bathroom mirror. He was a handsome sonovabitch, he had to admit that...
“Hey!” Dean jumped away from the mirror. No way he was going naked out into the motel parking lot.