i give up
I wonder...
Have you ever been made to feel like you're worthless?
Have you ever been made to feel like what you say doesn't matter?
Have you ever been made to feel like you pour your heart out and they don't care?
Have you ever felt like you could give everything you have and they'll just throw it all away?
So many questions run through my mind, all of them unanswered. I wonder why I even exist anymore. Am I just a bitching post? I only matter when someone needs to make someone else feel like shit to make them feel better? I get upset and try to let it out and I'm a bitch. He gets angry and can call me names, tell me "fuck you" tell me "I won't see you for a week and I intend to stick to it this time." Good riddance asshole. I no longer give a rip...I can't cry about it...I cried about it for weeks last time he said that to me, even though 2 days after he was next to me, telling me it'd be okay. I'm sick of saying I'm sorry and him just accepting it. When does his apologies start? Never. They never come, I hope, but they don't...he's always in the right. His dad and Dawn know what's going on, they probably side with him. He always tells his side, never mine. He just makes it sound like I'm some horrid bitch who treats him like shit. His words, "I won't live like this my entire life." Mine~"so don't, leave if you want..." and he told me "it's over, forget it, it's over, never again..." then he left. I don't want to cry, I want to be angry and hate him, yet I can't. I've tried, I can't do it. I hate myself for not being able to. I don't want to cry, make the tears stop. I see no point in crying, it won't fix anything. I left my house while he was outside on the phone so that I could clear my head and not bitch him out. He comes up to the fire dept. and bitches me out for it, telling me I don't give a damn about him or what we have because I walked away so that I didn't say things I'd regret. Am I that bad? Am I really that horrible of a person? I know I have a temper, but after I say shit, I always run to that person and cry and apologize because I feel like shit. It's always that way, isn't it? I can't do this anymore. If I'm depressed, he bitches me out for not being happy. If he hurts me and I call him out on it, he bitches me out for not just accepting being treated like that. I can't go on like this anymore...I can't deal with it. It's not right..it's not okay. I don't deserve that...maybe it's better, maybe he's happier this way...if so...so be it...so yeah, i have all the free time in the world...aim me: cuddlie1985 or call me...i wouldnt mind going out and doing stuff coz quite frankly im sick of being stuck in my house waiting by the phone for it ring...that's all it ever is anymore...i'm sure he'll be out with his friends so time for me to rejoin mine...goodnight
Have you ever been made to feel like you're worthless?
Have you ever been made to feel like what you say doesn't matter?
Have you ever been made to feel like you pour your heart out and they don't care?
Have you ever felt like you could give everything you have and they'll just throw it all away?
So many questions run through my mind, all of them unanswered. I wonder why I even exist anymore. Am I just a bitching post? I only matter when someone needs to make someone else feel like shit to make them feel better? I get upset and try to let it out and I'm a bitch. He gets angry and can call me names, tell me "fuck you" tell me "I won't see you for a week and I intend to stick to it this time." Good riddance asshole. I no longer give a rip...I can't cry about it...I cried about it for weeks last time he said that to me, even though 2 days after he was next to me, telling me it'd be okay. I'm sick of saying I'm sorry and him just accepting it. When does his apologies start? Never. They never come, I hope, but they don't...he's always in the right. His dad and Dawn know what's going on, they probably side with him. He always tells his side, never mine. He just makes it sound like I'm some horrid bitch who treats him like shit. His words, "I won't live like this my entire life." Mine~"so don't, leave if you want..." and he told me "it's over, forget it, it's over, never again..." then he left. I don't want to cry, I want to be angry and hate him, yet I can't. I've tried, I can't do it. I hate myself for not being able to. I don't want to cry, make the tears stop. I see no point in crying, it won't fix anything. I left my house while he was outside on the phone so that I could clear my head and not bitch him out. He comes up to the fire dept. and bitches me out for it, telling me I don't give a damn about him or what we have because I walked away so that I didn't say things I'd regret. Am I that bad? Am I really that horrible of a person? I know I have a temper, but after I say shit, I always run to that person and cry and apologize because I feel like shit. It's always that way, isn't it? I can't do this anymore. If I'm depressed, he bitches me out for not being happy. If he hurts me and I call him out on it, he bitches me out for not just accepting being treated like that. I can't go on like this anymore...I can't deal with it. It's not right..it's not okay. I don't deserve that...maybe it's better, maybe he's happier this way...if so...so be it...so yeah, i have all the free time in the world...aim me: cuddlie1985 or call me...i wouldnt mind going out and doing stuff coz quite frankly im sick of being stuck in my house waiting by the phone for it ring...that's all it ever is anymore...i'm sure he'll be out with his friends so time for me to rejoin mine...goodnight