(no subject)
I feel ashamed...
Ashamed that I don't feel completely happy and blessed every minute like I should.
I have a beautiful and adorable baby that is growing up so quickly that the days are passing like hours. I have a wonderful boyfriend who has become a great father and a very compassionate partner. I have a great family that I have seen more in the last month then I have in the last year and amazing friends that are so supportive. But...
Being grown up has that whole responsibility thing attached to it so eventually finances come into play and I've never learned how to just relax and pay the bills. I'm constantely worrying and stressing about them and its not that we don't have the money- we have just enough and its not that we're making late payments-we get them in on time. But we are running thin and thats why I'm going back to work- but for some reason- I am stressing, every night.
Every time Jay goes to sleep I'm up for another hour or two laying and worrying. And then as soon as I fall asleep Gavin wakes up about an hour later and then its just this vicious cycle and I never seem to get that much sleep. And when I'm tired, I stress. So I don't know how to calm this. All Jay can tell me is not to worry, he'll take care of it- but that reassurance isn't enough.
And I don't know if it's truley just money issues or if theres more that aches at me and I just can't figure it out. I'm thankful and happy about every aspect of my life and everything is working out- but I'm always worrying.
I felt complete bliss when I was pregnant and when Gavin was first here- I never worried like this, this extreme and all the same concerns have always been there. So now I'm wondering- is it because I'm a real mom now? Are these worries always going to be so distracting?
Being the first to have a baby does have one down fall- no one to relate to.
(But I know you're trying)
Ashamed that I don't feel completely happy and blessed every minute like I should.
I have a beautiful and adorable baby that is growing up so quickly that the days are passing like hours. I have a wonderful boyfriend who has become a great father and a very compassionate partner. I have a great family that I have seen more in the last month then I have in the last year and amazing friends that are so supportive. But...
Being grown up has that whole responsibility thing attached to it so eventually finances come into play and I've never learned how to just relax and pay the bills. I'm constantely worrying and stressing about them and its not that we don't have the money- we have just enough and its not that we're making late payments-we get them in on time. But we are running thin and thats why I'm going back to work- but for some reason- I am stressing, every night.
Every time Jay goes to sleep I'm up for another hour or two laying and worrying. And then as soon as I fall asleep Gavin wakes up about an hour later and then its just this vicious cycle and I never seem to get that much sleep. And when I'm tired, I stress. So I don't know how to calm this. All Jay can tell me is not to worry, he'll take care of it- but that reassurance isn't enough.
And I don't know if it's truley just money issues or if theres more that aches at me and I just can't figure it out. I'm thankful and happy about every aspect of my life and everything is working out- but I'm always worrying.
I felt complete bliss when I was pregnant and when Gavin was first here- I never worried like this, this extreme and all the same concerns have always been there. So now I'm wondering- is it because I'm a real mom now? Are these worries always going to be so distracting?
Being the first to have a baby does have one down fall- no one to relate to.
(But I know you're trying)