(no subject)
Just to let everyone know, my mother died this past Saturday from complications of a very rapidly progressing form of cancer called myosarcoma (muscle cancer). According to my aunt, she suffered minimally and was comforted into her death, which says to me she had excellent palliative care.
The hard thing is, my mother and father and I have not had much of a relationship, if any, since Alex and I got married last October. I have already lost my parents at this point, and had not talked to any family member since May, and even then, it was short and simple (your mother had a heart attack and did not want you to know, but I called anyway). So I have grieved already for that loss, which made my mother's death somewhat easier to deal with when I found out yesterday.
The sad thing is, when I called my grandparent's today (my mother's parents), no one wanted to talk to me, other than to blame me anf guilt me for not being there. Only my mother's sister, My Aunt Sherrie, who was like an older sister to me growing up, was "able" to talk to me. She told me what happened, and that she loved me, and asked me if I needed anything. Now, she was not all compassion and sweetness. She made sure to place some well thought statements in the conversation for me. Not harsh, just thoguht provoking. She also told me my father and grandparents did not want to see me, and that if I did come to the memorial service on Saturday, that I should not expect anyone to be warm or compassionate, or to even talk to me. So I am not going.
This is devastating, but also allows me to carry on. I finally know how my fmaily feels, and now I can process this information, and move on with life. This may seem cold and overly logical, but trust me...I ahve had my anger and sorrow in the past two days, and will continue to have it for some time, I am sure. I actually have a sense of relief for now, because I can finally begin to approach closure on these issues and move on to a better place than the past year has found me.
Please, do not take this as a cry for sympathy or your sorrows. I appreciate the condolances and the well wishing. I just wnated to put this out there, and if anyone has had similar experiences, I would love to share and discuss and see how others have dealt with their loss of family. Thank you for your time.
J
The hard thing is, my mother and father and I have not had much of a relationship, if any, since Alex and I got married last October. I have already lost my parents at this point, and had not talked to any family member since May, and even then, it was short and simple (your mother had a heart attack and did not want you to know, but I called anyway). So I have grieved already for that loss, which made my mother's death somewhat easier to deal with when I found out yesterday.
The sad thing is, when I called my grandparent's today (my mother's parents), no one wanted to talk to me, other than to blame me anf guilt me for not being there. Only my mother's sister, My Aunt Sherrie, who was like an older sister to me growing up, was "able" to talk to me. She told me what happened, and that she loved me, and asked me if I needed anything. Now, she was not all compassion and sweetness. She made sure to place some well thought statements in the conversation for me. Not harsh, just thoguht provoking. She also told me my father and grandparents did not want to see me, and that if I did come to the memorial service on Saturday, that I should not expect anyone to be warm or compassionate, or to even talk to me. So I am not going.
This is devastating, but also allows me to carry on. I finally know how my fmaily feels, and now I can process this information, and move on with life. This may seem cold and overly logical, but trust me...I ahve had my anger and sorrow in the past two days, and will continue to have it for some time, I am sure. I actually have a sense of relief for now, because I can finally begin to approach closure on these issues and move on to a better place than the past year has found me.
Please, do not take this as a cry for sympathy or your sorrows. I appreciate the condolances and the well wishing. I just wnated to put this out there, and if anyone has had similar experiences, I would love to share and discuss and see how others have dealt with their loss of family. Thank you for your time.
J