Well, well, well...
Well, I finally decided it was time for me to get one of these things. I feel sort of like Bridget Jones, don't know if that's good or bad. Let's see where to start, where to start. Hmm... well what's happening for me right now is the ending of a year and about two months relationship with Ben, my high-school sweetheart. Well really it's been two weeks since it ended so I guess I'm all right with that. There's nothing really for me to do except to be ok with things as they are now. He decided that he really needed a change and built upon that by changing our relationship. This was unknown to me until the Sunday we got back to school from Spring Break. Kind of not cool yes, but I would have to agree that there wasn't something right with us for a while. Overall, I would have to say that I am ok with the decisions that have been made, even though it has taken me a while to get there. I don't want to keep being mad about how things turned out and mostly I just want us to remain open to any possibilities that may remain. I think that I emphasize that the most because I don't want to give up myself. Meaning, out of the two of us, I think I'm the one more likely to close off other options. So, I guess I ask him not to because maybe that will rub off on me some and I will remain open. It's all very confusing and I'm so tired of thinking about it all, but it is complex. There's nothing that can be done about that. It's still too serious right now I suppose. I mean I want flowy as well as just a goodness, but I'm not sure how to get to it or what more I can do to get to it. I feel like I am trying to see what he wanted me to see, and probably what he still wants me to see. This is an awesome time for me to begin to see what I need to see too. I've realized that in my relationship with him I sort of lost myself. I began to buy into what we had always had and it wasn't special anymore. There are several things that I want now too. I want to feel special again to someone. I miss that. I'm not sure how long it's been since I was special to someone in particular. Ah anyways, right now, am looking forward to summer, seeing as how it's only 6 weeks away. That seems such a short time. Ahhh can't wait for the summer. Can't wait for familiarity again.