Джон Лилли о Страхе как Необходимой Энергии для Выноса Сознания (Consciousness) на Новые Уровни
На Ютюбе есть интересная запись выступления Джона Лилли на конференции 1987 года по исследованию Йоги:
Dr John Lilly, Patanjali's Influence on Me
Dr. Lilly's presentation at the 1987 Yoga Research Society Conference in Philadelphia.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wQTfiKeb4E
Это одна из редких записей, в которой хороший звук и, благодаря «субтитр-распознавалке» Ютюба, пусть с ошибками, но можно понимать часто неразборчивую речь Лилли. Его выступление очень характерное и по нему можно увидеть своеобразный, полный самоподстебов прямолинейный дух «Я все понял» всех его выступлений и взаимодействия с аудиторией, которую он тоже стебет, особенно когда ему становится заметно скучно.
41-я минута:
Вопрос: How do you know you're not crazy? I'm not speaking about you it's like how would I know I wasn't crazy?
Лилли: You never know when you're involved in these things. It's only when you come back out and you talk to a psychiatrist you really really really know you were crazy according to him. So I stopped talking to psychiatrists years ago. I don't like the idea of depending on somebody else for that kind of input.
35:13
Woman: When I had my experiences they seem to be very powerful beings, very concerned you know with good things about the Earth but I mean are they always that way? How do we really know?
Lilly: We don't!
Woman: Right so... what do we do about them?
Lilly: Nothing! Believe it totally to them! They'll do it. You don't have to do a thing! Woman: Why why allow ourselves to be open to them for what purpose?
Lilly: Well I'm afraid you're still caught in the view that you somehow or other have a will and that you can will things to happen and you control things to happen that isn't true at all.
29:58
"I think very few people are privileged to do this and I happen to be one of them. I'm not saying you should do it no please don't do it and don't follow my example and please don't read my books because you may get seduced"
53:58
Woman: In what way has your contact with ECCO changed your life or enhanced your life?
Lilly: Well I had a lot of fun. I actually I don't believe it exists and everything I've said today is nonsense. You know why? Do you know why?
Woman: Why?
Lilly: I'll quote William James the great psychologist. In 1911 he wrote "The varieties of religious experience" and he said at one point - "The other realities are separated from this one by the filmist of screens". You know what the screen is? -Language. Words. So everything you say in language is not true because it is not the experience it's not the experiment you originally did.
1:04:44 The Natural Sciences (mathematics can be this also) - our means of studying ourselves the Universe (and so on) in order to find out How God Did It? Ok? So the better your Sience is the closer to God you are. Einstein knew this Feynman knows it and so on. The best people in Science all know this.
На 10 минуте Джон Лилли рассказывает историю про свой первый опыт приема ЛСД в «камере депривации». Незадолго до этого он принимал ЛСД «орально» в нормальной комнатной обстановке. Сейчас же он был в полной темноте, сидел на краю высокого (2.5 метра) чана с водой, куда забрался по приставной лестнице и вколол себе Sandoz в бедро (чтобы точнее контролировать дозу)... Он нарушил все основные правила Set and Setting несмотря на страшилки брошюры от Национального Института Психического Здоровья, что был один человек, который так вот нарушил «протокол» и его загрыз кассетный магнитофон...
Never take lsd alone - one of the researchers did it and his tape recorder eat him up!
Далее Джон рассказывает о накатившем на него неописуемом ужасе после погружения, но, обуздав эту «энергию», Лилли смог унестись на ней, словно на волне в неведомые ему «дали» и вернутсья с новым опытом.
10:54 «I climbed up the wall. There's a ladder on the thing so as you get over this wall eight feet high. While I was sitting on the wall in the dark I injected the acid in my thigh and went in and floated on the surface in absolute terror. I've never been so terrified and panic stricken in my life as I was at that particular point. The National Institute of Mental Health had issued a memorandum saying never take lsd alone - one of the researchers did it and his tape recorder eat him up!
Well I felt that was kind of silly but it reacted somehow on the child in me and so I was totally terror stricken.
All I can say is I recommend that you get terror stricken under these circumstances because it is the jet fuel which will carry you farther into the various states and farther out into the universes than anything else will. It's a very primitive kind of thing - the terror was transmuted somehow as I was transmuted. I became non-human and the terror became energy. Total pure primitive energy for moving.
Затем Джон Лилли пытался позднее проанализировать с научным подходом, на что же было похоже его путешествие и пришел к выводу, что его сознание уподобилось «микрочастице», способной лететь в «неопределенности / indeterminacy» в любые стороны и любые места вне времени.
What was I under those circumstances? I tried to figure out later what it was. I had some physics and I realized that a small enough particle say around 10 to the minus 33 centimeters could travel into the indeterminacy of that level of the universe and material universe and go anywhere and could end up any place and so I did this funny little exercise in physics afterwards and found that probably that's what I've done and I must say that I've never been able to achieve a six hour experience - of course it lasted eternally - there was no time limit on this in my mind.
Как иронически замечает Лилли в конце своего рассказа, вернулся он немного сам не свой, словно одна его часть обменялась местами с кем-то другим, кто давно «ждал этого шанса»...
And I don't think I came back. I think something else took over the body and came back and I think that the one that was in that body at that time was freed up and he could leave because somebody else was standing in line ready to take over the body. I think that's happened to me about 15 times this particular body so when somebody asked me are you John Lilly and I say - ...sometimes...
Эту историю Джон Лилли более подробно и с поэтическим «прикрасом» рассказал в своей знаменитой новеллизированной автобиографии «The Scientist» (1978 года):
Стр. 127 3-го переработанного издания 1988 года:
In the complete blackness of the isolation room at the edge of the tank he injected 100 micrograms of pure Sandoz LSD-25. He entered the tank and floated at the surface of the 93-degree-Fahrenheit seawater pumped in from the Caribbean and warmed in the tank.
His fear was profound. No one had ever done this experiment before; it had never been performed either on himself or on anyone else. The warnings of the staff at the National Institute of Mental Health entered his consciousness. "No one is to take LSD in solitude without a guide. The staff in the LSD research program have had some rather terrifying experiences when taking it alone. The director of the program forbids solitary administration of this agent in the research staff."
His floating body shook with the fear; it fast became terror and then panic. He was tempted to climb out of the tank but realized that this in itself might have been a dangerous procedure, climbing over the eight-foot-high wall under the influence of LSD.
He stayed floating and began his preprogramming once again.
"This fear is being generated by memory. Memory of that memorandum. The fear is coming from the lower circuits within my own brain and is expressing itself in my body. My negative reinforcement circuits are hyperactive. I have sufficient connections with those circuits to attenuate their activity. I can neutralize that fear without suppressing the energy. This is the first experiment that anyone has done of this type. I must summon up my courage and my control in order to come through this intact."
The LSD effect started. The electrical excitations traveling through the body were very familiar. He exerted the discipline learned in previous tank work and allowed the body to relax in the presence of the "electrical storms" moving through it. The darkness, the silence, the wetness, and the warmth disappeared.
The external reality of the tank disappeared.
His body disappeared: his conscious awareness of the bodily process, of the existence of the body. His knowledge of the brain disappeared; his knowledge of self was all that was left.
"I am a small point of consciousness in a vast domain beyond my understanding.
"Vast forces of the evolution of the stars are whipping me through colored streamers of light becoming matter, matter becoming light. The atoms are forming from light, light is forming from the atoms. A vast consciousness directs these huge transitions.
With difficulty I maintain my identity, my self. The surrounding processes interpenetrate my being and threaten to disrupt my own integrity, my continuity in time. There is no time; this is an eternal place, with eternal processes generated by beings far greater than I. I become merely a small thought in that vast mind that is practically unaware of my existence. I am a small program in the huge cosmic computer. There is no existence, no being but this forever. There is no place to go back to. There is no future, no past, but this."
Gradually the body reasserted itself, began to move in the tank. The Being re-entered the body a bit confused about which body this was.
"Where am I? I have been sent into a body. I feel it but there is no outside world. I am being constricted into a reality which I have not shared before. I am fast losing freedom to move in the multi-dimensional spaces in which I existed eternally. I am being constricted, I am being instructed, I am being programmed by this body. I am getting more and more caught, trapped within this head, within this body with two arms, a trunk, and two legs; from the farthest reaches of outer space, I am called to serve in this body. How am I to run it? How am I to know what it is that it must do? What does it believe? What are its relations to possible others here? Is this body totally alone?
(...)
"I am becoming a human being. I believe they call this the planet Earth. The name of this body is John. John does not believe in me. He believes that he lives in this body caught from birth to death within its confines."
Suddenly John returned to his body with exuberance, ecstatic enthusiasm. He remembered his initial fear on starting the experiment.
"The body is reactivated, the resident human is back, recreated in that body. There is not room for me at this point. The other two Beings have instructed me not to reveal my presence here as yet. Despite his close brush with death several weeks ago in which he experienced me and the others, he has yet to accept our existence. He has yet to accept me as his constant companion.
My instructions call for maintaining this unawareness of me until he can absorb it without becoming inoperative upon the planet Earth."
John Cunningham Lilly / Джон Каннингем Лилли - Собрание книг (23 книги) [1961-2003, FB2/EPUB/DOCX/PDF/DjVu, ENG/RUS]
Теренс Маккенна о Джоне Лилли
(Terence McKenna's Last Interview By Erik Davis, November, 1999):
Oh, my god... John such a trip... I mean some people are just yeah this guy is "there's no Lenny home". This guy cannot be left alone at home. He's like me. What a trip! And such an amazing arrogance. An amazing conviction of your own, that you've got it all figured. yeah a relentless character. He told me once we were at Esalen something... and he said "Nature loves you ruthlessly". And I thought - Hmm... That's an interesting observation - ruthlessly. It was just a private conversation. He used to have this obi-wan kenobe robe that he wore around Essalen. That was just hilarious!. And he would just show up out of the fog to lay these raps on you. They didn't make too many of John..."