new letter from Mike
Hey baby,
How are things going? I am so sorry I have not written to you in so long. Believe me I have not forgotten about you, I could never forget about my baby girl...and right about now that would be damn near impossible..lol. A lot has been going on lately, I am in a very tough and delicate situation..that's why I haven't written in a while. Lets see if I can explain a little bit. The first part is simple. This place thought that I went out on pass and got you pregnant. They got that impression from some of your letters..(not your fault, it just happened that way). That's what they get for digging into my personal ####..but that is the simple part of it all and I think I got most of that cleared up. See it would be different if we had a kid together before I came in or after I came in here, but getting you pregnant on a pass would not be a good thing and I/we would not benefit from that...but see that obviously didn't happen and we both know that..I wouldn't deny it if it did. I take that back we could possibly benefit from that, but them just finding out now, would keep me here longer. So that is kind of the simple part of it all and I think I got most of that taken care of. I mean there is still some rumor going around the facility, but not with anyone who really matters..lol. Anyways, that is the first and most simple part of it all. It gets way more complicated. There were definitely some concerns about us being together when I get out for different reasons..nothing bad against you, trust me. It was mainly based around me and what's best for me. Well, I know what I want and what's best for me and I am very capable of taking care of myself...in more then one way, but apparently they don't understand that. My counselor "requested" to read a letter from you..preferably the one that started all this madness. First off, he doesn't realize it wasn't just one letter, it was a course of many different letters. Second, his "request" is more like a mandatory demand, because if I don't let him, then he will question my honesty and creditability and take my passes..on top of that I would be set back so far, it would be almost pointless to try and work my way back up. Not really pointless, but I would be looking at sitting here for another extra few months...then I would have like 4 months left until discharge. So I ended up swallowing my pride and I let him read a letter from two weeks ago and one from March. I chose them myself. So he reads these letters and it's like his attitude changes. He was like, wow this girl shows a lot of affection for you...Well, at this point, I am not in a very good mood, I am very frustrated, so all I manage to say is, "You think?"...after all that, we talked about how I feel about you and all..and obviously you mean a lot to me, more then you know..I mean, I really care about you girl..He made me look at you in a few different views, some #### I never really thought about, but it didn't change how I feel about you..if anything it made my feelings stronger. So after that little session he didn't really seem against us, more neutral I guess. He said that you seemed like a big support for me...and I said, yeah, I guess. It seemed kind of awkward because I am used to doing #### on my own, but the truth is you have been a big support for me. You haven't given up on me yet, which is very surprising. I would of given up on me, personally...I mean, I am an awesome guy, good personality, a lot of respect, a lot of friends in high places...but because I am the way I am, I don't expect anybody to stick by my side...I would never ask for it, but that's just because that is how I am...I would do anything for anybody, especially someone I care about..and not expect anything in return..but that's just the type of guy I am. Anyways so that sort of gives you an idea of the situation I am in. It's a little more complicated then what I just explained, but it's hard to explain. It does get way more complicated, believe me...They asked me a lot of questions about you too..They asked me what your name is and I told them, Andrea Timmons..they asked me why I write to your mom's house, in your mom's name..I said cause you don't live home. I really got pressured, hard. They said something about a background check a few days ago..I don't know if they can legally do that..but either way, who cares, they are just wasting their time. I can almost guarantee they will be monitoring my mail..so keep things on the low, kind of neutral, I guess. Just watch what you say. Don't stress girl...nevermind Allen's letter, don't worry about anything. I don't know if he is reading my mail or anything, but I know for sure someone does before I read it. I am not worried about it though..so you don't need to be. Just watch what you say baby..Anyways, I don't feel like talking about this situation anymore, because it ####### pisses me off, so we'll just move on now.
As far as I know my pass is still all good for the 28th-30th. Which would be this Friday. Everyone, including my counselor, says it's still all good there. I haven't given them a reason to take my passes, so hopefully nothing happens next week. The 28th is my little sisters (Ashlee's) birthday..I would feel pretty bad if I missed that. I think my pass will be alright though...
I have a picture I want to send you. It's of my mom and me. It's not that great of a picture of me (or my mom for that matter)..but I love it anyways. In the background is a "in loving memory" picture of my step-dad Ron and to the right is a picture of my sister Jessica..it was taken a few years ago. She is 21 now..she's a very pretty girl. The picture of my mom and me was taken at like the very end of February, beginning of March. Like I said, it's not that great of a picture of me, but I am sure you will like it...I love it, but for more then one reason. It's definitely better then the ones you got...lol. I can't send it tonight, because I don't even know if I am allowed to send pictures out in the mail. I wouldn't want to set myself up for disaster...I will check into it and try to send it out sometime over the weekend. It was actually take on my 6 hour pass to Calais.
I hope your not to upset with me for not writing you in so long..I hope you don't think I am mad at you or something. I am really sorry baby, I just had a lot of things I needed to deal with...It was nothing against you baby...I miss you like crazy girl. You really mean a lot to me..I hope you know that. I wish I could tell you just how much...but I can't right now. I don't really know why..I just can't. My feelings scare me sometimes...(You won't hear me admit something like that to often.) I feel really close to you girl...I hope you feel the same as I do.
I think I am just going to end this letter with that. I am just going to turn on the radio and pass out for the night..
I miss you baby,
Sweet dreams...
Michael
How are things going? I am so sorry I have not written to you in so long. Believe me I have not forgotten about you, I could never forget about my baby girl...and right about now that would be damn near impossible..lol. A lot has been going on lately, I am in a very tough and delicate situation..that's why I haven't written in a while. Lets see if I can explain a little bit. The first part is simple. This place thought that I went out on pass and got you pregnant. They got that impression from some of your letters..(not your fault, it just happened that way). That's what they get for digging into my personal ####..but that is the simple part of it all and I think I got most of that cleared up. See it would be different if we had a kid together before I came in or after I came in here, but getting you pregnant on a pass would not be a good thing and I/we would not benefit from that...but see that obviously didn't happen and we both know that..I wouldn't deny it if it did. I take that back we could possibly benefit from that, but them just finding out now, would keep me here longer. So that is kind of the simple part of it all and I think I got most of that taken care of. I mean there is still some rumor going around the facility, but not with anyone who really matters..lol. Anyways, that is the first and most simple part of it all. It gets way more complicated. There were definitely some concerns about us being together when I get out for different reasons..nothing bad against you, trust me. It was mainly based around me and what's best for me. Well, I know what I want and what's best for me and I am very capable of taking care of myself...in more then one way, but apparently they don't understand that. My counselor "requested" to read a letter from you..preferably the one that started all this madness. First off, he doesn't realize it wasn't just one letter, it was a course of many different letters. Second, his "request" is more like a mandatory demand, because if I don't let him, then he will question my honesty and creditability and take my passes..on top of that I would be set back so far, it would be almost pointless to try and work my way back up. Not really pointless, but I would be looking at sitting here for another extra few months...then I would have like 4 months left until discharge. So I ended up swallowing my pride and I let him read a letter from two weeks ago and one from March. I chose them myself. So he reads these letters and it's like his attitude changes. He was like, wow this girl shows a lot of affection for you...Well, at this point, I am not in a very good mood, I am very frustrated, so all I manage to say is, "You think?"...after all that, we talked about how I feel about you and all..and obviously you mean a lot to me, more then you know..I mean, I really care about you girl..He made me look at you in a few different views, some #### I never really thought about, but it didn't change how I feel about you..if anything it made my feelings stronger. So after that little session he didn't really seem against us, more neutral I guess. He said that you seemed like a big support for me...and I said, yeah, I guess. It seemed kind of awkward because I am used to doing #### on my own, but the truth is you have been a big support for me. You haven't given up on me yet, which is very surprising. I would of given up on me, personally...I mean, I am an awesome guy, good personality, a lot of respect, a lot of friends in high places...but because I am the way I am, I don't expect anybody to stick by my side...I would never ask for it, but that's just because that is how I am...I would do anything for anybody, especially someone I care about..and not expect anything in return..but that's just the type of guy I am. Anyways so that sort of gives you an idea of the situation I am in. It's a little more complicated then what I just explained, but it's hard to explain. It does get way more complicated, believe me...They asked me a lot of questions about you too..They asked me what your name is and I told them, Andrea Timmons..they asked me why I write to your mom's house, in your mom's name..I said cause you don't live home. I really got pressured, hard. They said something about a background check a few days ago..I don't know if they can legally do that..but either way, who cares, they are just wasting their time. I can almost guarantee they will be monitoring my mail..so keep things on the low, kind of neutral, I guess. Just watch what you say. Don't stress girl...nevermind Allen's letter, don't worry about anything. I don't know if he is reading my mail or anything, but I know for sure someone does before I read it. I am not worried about it though..so you don't need to be. Just watch what you say baby..Anyways, I don't feel like talking about this situation anymore, because it ####### pisses me off, so we'll just move on now.
As far as I know my pass is still all good for the 28th-30th. Which would be this Friday. Everyone, including my counselor, says it's still all good there. I haven't given them a reason to take my passes, so hopefully nothing happens next week. The 28th is my little sisters (Ashlee's) birthday..I would feel pretty bad if I missed that. I think my pass will be alright though...
I have a picture I want to send you. It's of my mom and me. It's not that great of a picture of me (or my mom for that matter)..but I love it anyways. In the background is a "in loving memory" picture of my step-dad Ron and to the right is a picture of my sister Jessica..it was taken a few years ago. She is 21 now..she's a very pretty girl. The picture of my mom and me was taken at like the very end of February, beginning of March. Like I said, it's not that great of a picture of me, but I am sure you will like it...I love it, but for more then one reason. It's definitely better then the ones you got...lol. I can't send it tonight, because I don't even know if I am allowed to send pictures out in the mail. I wouldn't want to set myself up for disaster...I will check into it and try to send it out sometime over the weekend. It was actually take on my 6 hour pass to Calais.
I hope your not to upset with me for not writing you in so long..I hope you don't think I am mad at you or something. I am really sorry baby, I just had a lot of things I needed to deal with...It was nothing against you baby...I miss you like crazy girl. You really mean a lot to me..I hope you know that. I wish I could tell you just how much...but I can't right now. I don't really know why..I just can't. My feelings scare me sometimes...(You won't hear me admit something like that to often.) I feel really close to you girl...I hope you feel the same as I do.
I think I am just going to end this letter with that. I am just going to turn on the radio and pass out for the night..
I miss you baby,
Sweet dreams...
Michael