i dont even know what to call this.
Well. although i have been insanely upset and depressed lately... it's looking up.
my ride home from work was...
how eventhough i would probalby take a bullet for him. he will never like me like i like him.
and that i'll never be pretty enough, or good enough for him.
that i will never be happy... and that nothing will ever make sense in my life.
what would make me think i am special enough for him? nothing. nothing at all.
it was all just a dream. that maybe for once in my life i wasn't worthless....
just once. but no. i am worthless, just plain out worthless.
he's in college, i mean nothing ot him... and he means everything to me.
but anywho. positive. that's my goal, i want to be happy. i am going ot make myself happy..
the only person who can change me is me. not him, not her. not anyone else. just me.
lets see... senior year definitely is the best, but i want it to be summer now. last summer
was amazing and i miss it so much... so very very much. well. im going to get through the rest
of the school year, that is my goal. to get out of high school in one piece. and i will do it.
so fucking pumped for this:
02.02 - Augustana.
02.17 - Gym Class Heroes
feb. vaca- ROAD TRIP WITH JULIA. [we dont even know where we are going]
mar & apr- dance competitions
05.18 - senior prom yo.
05.20 - last dance recital :[
05.23-28 - DANCE AT DISNEY <33
06.16 - graduation... whoa.
07.15-20 - dance nationals
07.28 - Flip- Flop Summer tour 2007
08.14 - 18th birthday/ [canada?]
i love most of my life. like that stuff. but some things just need to be better.
i'm working on it. but i can't do it alone. i need help. i dont know what to do.
my ride home from work was...
how eventhough i would probalby take a bullet for him. he will never like me like i like him.
and that i'll never be pretty enough, or good enough for him.
that i will never be happy... and that nothing will ever make sense in my life.
what would make me think i am special enough for him? nothing. nothing at all.
it was all just a dream. that maybe for once in my life i wasn't worthless....
just once. but no. i am worthless, just plain out worthless.
he's in college, i mean nothing ot him... and he means everything to me.
but anywho. positive. that's my goal, i want to be happy. i am going ot make myself happy..
the only person who can change me is me. not him, not her. not anyone else. just me.
lets see... senior year definitely is the best, but i want it to be summer now. last summer
was amazing and i miss it so much... so very very much. well. im going to get through the rest
of the school year, that is my goal. to get out of high school in one piece. and i will do it.
so fucking pumped for this:
02.02 - Augustana.
02.17 - Gym Class Heroes
feb. vaca- ROAD TRIP WITH JULIA. [we dont even know where we are going]
mar & apr- dance competitions
05.18 - senior prom yo.
05.20 - last dance recital :[
05.23-28 - DANCE AT DISNEY <33
06.16 - graduation... whoa.
07.15-20 - dance nationals
07.28 - Flip- Flop Summer tour 2007
08.14 - 18th birthday/ [canada?]
i love most of my life. like that stuff. but some things just need to be better.
i'm working on it. but i can't do it alone. i need help. i dont know what to do.