Twins, Friendships, and the Norm.
I guess right now i just feel quite weird about my life. Being a twin is abnormally hard, and i really doubt anyone can understand that doesn't wake up and see themselves, not in the mirror, but standing 10 feet away. It's like i've got another me starting at me in the face, talking to the same people as me, having the same friends as i have...it seems like my friends classify Nick and myself as a single person...probably not the implied intention, but it is awkward to feel that 1+1 equals 1...(Jonick). And the only time we really are seperate people is when we argue, and it's always about stupid little stuff...I know we are each unique and his own man, but i constantly fight for people to recognize i'm there too. Maybe i don't know how to communicate, I don't know. I'm sure when i was 5 i liked having a twin around, but now it seems like it's just another me. We have different approaches to life, different ideals, but if someone's talking to Nick, it seems like there's no reason to talk to me. I guess i feel like i'm removed from everyone right now, and i don't know why. I'm on a personal quest to find myself, and i keep running into Nick, except that i'm not Nick and i don't want to be like Nick.
And normal...i hate the word. It seems like that if you are normal, everyone assumes you don't have a need for companionship, friendship, fellowship...i honestly think at times it would be better if i were a fucked up kid. In reality, i'm glad of my life, but maybe, at least, there'd be people who cared for me enough to bring me "back," i could experience that gratifying feeling when life is all great compared to the shithole it was before, and that my friends stood by my side. But i travel the weary middle road of normalcy, and now i feel like i'm just skimming over the surface of life, occasionally hanging around, chilling...it seems like every conversation i have is meaningless...who is Jon? I don't know, and from taking to a few people, they don't seem to know either.
And normal...i hate the word. It seems like that if you are normal, everyone assumes you don't have a need for companionship, friendship, fellowship...i honestly think at times it would be better if i were a fucked up kid. In reality, i'm glad of my life, but maybe, at least, there'd be people who cared for me enough to bring me "back," i could experience that gratifying feeling when life is all great compared to the shithole it was before, and that my friends stood by my side. But i travel the weary middle road of normalcy, and now i feel like i'm just skimming over the surface of life, occasionally hanging around, chilling...it seems like every conversation i have is meaningless...who is Jon? I don't know, and from taking to a few people, they don't seem to know either.