Where There's A Sassy Gay Tron, There's A Way
Title: Where There's A Sassy Gay Tron, There's A Way
Author: crystalshard
Fandom: Tron
Characters: Tron, Flynn, Clu
Rating: PG
Warnings: Step away from the drinks. This is crack.
Disclaimer: I do not own Tron, Tron: Legacy or anything associated with the franchise, save for a copy of the original film on DVD. It belongs to Disney. No money is being made from this story.
Summary: Flynn and Clu are about to make some major mistakes. This could all have been avoided if they'd had a Sassy Gay Tron.
A/N: Total, utter, crack. Written for a prompt on the meme.
Meet Kevin Flynn and Clu 2.0. Clu's about to pull a coup that will lead to him taking over the Grid, the murder of lots of special snowflake ISOs, and Kevin being stuck in a dull, colorless white house for the next thousand cycles. This could all have been avoided if they'd had a Sassy Gay Tron.
"Flynn! Am I still to create the perfect system?"
Flynn stopped in his tracks at the words, turning to see Clu coming towards them. Tron had halted by his side, but Flynn wasn't paying attention to Tron right now. His eyes were only for the program before him, his circuits stained vivid yellow.
". . . yeah?" Flynn tried.
Clu's expression hardened, and his helmet rezzed into place. Before either of them could move, however, they were interrupted by Tron.
"What are you doing? What. What. What are you doing?"
Flynn turned to stare incredulously at the security program. Tron had rezzed an orange scarf from somewhere - certainly not from any programming Flynn had ever done, he knew that much. It looked supremely incongruous over his armor.
When Clu spoke, he sounded as dumbfounded as Flynn was. "I - I'm taking over the Grid."
"Taking over the Grid?" Tron flipped his scarf back, and was the program pouting? "Oh, yes, taking over the Grid. And why? Because Flynn doesn't spend enough time with you, Flynn doesn't explain things right, Flynn prefers the ISOs over you. Well boo-hoo to you, at least your User talks to you in person! Right?"
"That's . . ." Clu began, and Flynn winced as Tron verbally steamrollered straight over the top of him.
"Did you ever bother to talk to Flynn? Tell him what the problem was? No, you just sat and brooded for hundreds of cycles - you do brood very well, I must say - and then you decided to throw a temper tantrum. Grow up, you big idiot."
Clu was left gaping as Tron turned his attention back to Flynn. "And you! Gone-again, here-again, gone-again Finnegan! Did you ever bother to think of what you were doing to the Grid with your half-baked ideas - seriously, were you high when you wrote some of this code? - and half-thought-out concepts. A perfect system. Hah! I thought Users knew better. We're programs, Flynn. Smart, self-aware ones, sure, but still programs. We need better directions than 'this needs to be done, you figure it out'."
"I thought . . ." Flynn tried, but Tron wasn't about to be interrupted.
"Balance between the User world and the Grid, my perfectly formed ass. And honestly, a portal that can only be opened from the outside? How stupid an idea is that? That's a situation that's just begging for somebody to come along and trap you in the Grid. You don't even have anyone on the outside who knows enough to let you out again!"
Flynn flushed. Tron was right, now that he thought about it. He should have included some kind of autorun command that he could trigger from inside the Grid.
"In and out within eight hours. What's that, ten, twelve minutes on the User side? Come on, Flynn, if you didn't have that time limit, you could spend the night with us -" was that a suggestive grin on Tron's face? "- and while a few hours would pass in the User world, you could spend days on the Grid. And then maybe Clu wouldn't have gone batshit crazy."
"Hey!" Clu protested. Flynn noticed that Clu's helmet had gone back down while Tron was berating him, and that he'd moved close enough to touch.
"Come on. I think that what you both need right now is a drink at the End of Line club." Tron slung a friendly arm around their shoulders and determinedly steered them away. "Then you can pour out your hearts to each other, have a good cry on each others' shoulders and we'll all be much happier."
Flynn exchanged a look with Clu, and saw that his system admin program's expression was a combination of shock and amused resignation. Flynn suspected that his own face was probably a mirror of Clu's right now. Their eyes met behind Tron's head, and something - possibly mutual embarrassment - pulled joint awkward smiles from both of them.
Tron looked serenely into the distance, and announced to no-one, "They're both stupid bitches."
Flynn was quite sure that he'd never understand this, and he suspected that he didn't want to.
Author: crystalshard
Fandom: Tron
Characters: Tron, Flynn, Clu
Rating: PG
Warnings: Step away from the drinks. This is crack.
Disclaimer: I do not own Tron, Tron: Legacy or anything associated with the franchise, save for a copy of the original film on DVD. It belongs to Disney. No money is being made from this story.
Summary: Flynn and Clu are about to make some major mistakes. This could all have been avoided if they'd had a Sassy Gay Tron.
A/N: Total, utter, crack. Written for a prompt on the meme.
Meet Kevin Flynn and Clu 2.0. Clu's about to pull a coup that will lead to him taking over the Grid, the murder of lots of special snowflake ISOs, and Kevin being stuck in a dull, colorless white house for the next thousand cycles. This could all have been avoided if they'd had a Sassy Gay Tron.
"Flynn! Am I still to create the perfect system?"
Flynn stopped in his tracks at the words, turning to see Clu coming towards them. Tron had halted by his side, but Flynn wasn't paying attention to Tron right now. His eyes were only for the program before him, his circuits stained vivid yellow.
". . . yeah?" Flynn tried.
Clu's expression hardened, and his helmet rezzed into place. Before either of them could move, however, they were interrupted by Tron.
"What are you doing? What. What. What are you doing?"
Flynn turned to stare incredulously at the security program. Tron had rezzed an orange scarf from somewhere - certainly not from any programming Flynn had ever done, he knew that much. It looked supremely incongruous over his armor.
When Clu spoke, he sounded as dumbfounded as Flynn was. "I - I'm taking over the Grid."
"Taking over the Grid?" Tron flipped his scarf back, and was the program pouting? "Oh, yes, taking over the Grid. And why? Because Flynn doesn't spend enough time with you, Flynn doesn't explain things right, Flynn prefers the ISOs over you. Well boo-hoo to you, at least your User talks to you in person! Right?"
"That's . . ." Clu began, and Flynn winced as Tron verbally steamrollered straight over the top of him.
"Did you ever bother to talk to Flynn? Tell him what the problem was? No, you just sat and brooded for hundreds of cycles - you do brood very well, I must say - and then you decided to throw a temper tantrum. Grow up, you big idiot."
Clu was left gaping as Tron turned his attention back to Flynn. "And you! Gone-again, here-again, gone-again Finnegan! Did you ever bother to think of what you were doing to the Grid with your half-baked ideas - seriously, were you high when you wrote some of this code? - and half-thought-out concepts. A perfect system. Hah! I thought Users knew better. We're programs, Flynn. Smart, self-aware ones, sure, but still programs. We need better directions than 'this needs to be done, you figure it out'."
"I thought . . ." Flynn tried, but Tron wasn't about to be interrupted.
"Balance between the User world and the Grid, my perfectly formed ass. And honestly, a portal that can only be opened from the outside? How stupid an idea is that? That's a situation that's just begging for somebody to come along and trap you in the Grid. You don't even have anyone on the outside who knows enough to let you out again!"
Flynn flushed. Tron was right, now that he thought about it. He should have included some kind of autorun command that he could trigger from inside the Grid.
"In and out within eight hours. What's that, ten, twelve minutes on the User side? Come on, Flynn, if you didn't have that time limit, you could spend the night with us -" was that a suggestive grin on Tron's face? "- and while a few hours would pass in the User world, you could spend days on the Grid. And then maybe Clu wouldn't have gone batshit crazy."
"Hey!" Clu protested. Flynn noticed that Clu's helmet had gone back down while Tron was berating him, and that he'd moved close enough to touch.
"Come on. I think that what you both need right now is a drink at the End of Line club." Tron slung a friendly arm around their shoulders and determinedly steered them away. "Then you can pour out your hearts to each other, have a good cry on each others' shoulders and we'll all be much happier."
Flynn exchanged a look with Clu, and saw that his system admin program's expression was a combination of shock and amused resignation. Flynn suspected that his own face was probably a mirror of Clu's right now. Their eyes met behind Tron's head, and something - possibly mutual embarrassment - pulled joint awkward smiles from both of them.
Tron looked serenely into the distance, and announced to no-one, "They're both stupid bitches."
Flynn was quite sure that he'd never understand this, and he suspected that he didn't want to.