Things on my mind
Hey there, guys. I returned from my vacation at midnight on April 21, but I wasn't able to update my blog until now. As soon as we got back home, I quickly fixed my things and fell asleep because I had classes the next day. As some of you know, I'm going to spend a semester in Japan beginning this September, which is why my first semester of classes began last Tuesday. My classes end in July, and when I think about it, it isn't that far away (only three-and-a-half or four months, approximately), but I can't wait for the semester to end because I'm already feeling the stress. Imagine taking Philosophy, Operations Management, Finance, and Marketing in one semester - that's a whole lot of paperwork, computations, and more!
So far, my professors seem nice (I don't know if they're also nice grades-wise, haha), but the workload - oh, I'm just scared of it. I have great groupmates, but still, I'm afraid of getting low grades - my groupmates are good, yes, but what if, say, the panelists aren't impressed with our presentations? Also, because I'm stress-averse, I balk when thinking of all the stress that I'll have to go through. I'm not used to all-nighters and not having the least bit of free time (even I need a break from everything). Moreover, I don't drink coffee, because I dislike the taste and I don't want to be caffeine-dependent. I guess I'll force myself to stay awake during those nights when we'll be loaded with assignments.
Sometimes I wonder if studying abroad is worth it after all. At first, I was so excited about the opportunity of going to Japan again - so much that I even made a mental list of things I want to buy, activities I want to do and sights I want to see in Japan. Thinking about it, I suppose that my hard work might pay off, that the reward for all my hard work is the fun I will have in Japan, but the problem is...
...will I really be happy going there? Here's the problem. I have two younger sisters; one's age is close to mine, while the other is just a child. The former and I don't get along sometimes, but lately we haven't really been arguing; she understands that I will be going to Japan, so that's fine. But the thing is, my dad told my youngest sister that I'm going to Japan for four or five months. What we didn't expect is that my sister would be really upset about it. The first time she heard the news, she cried so badly that we spent a long time comforting her. I thought that that would be the end of the story, but lately she's been feeling down. She's a cheerful child who laughs a lot and asks a lot of questions, but now she keeps asking me how long I'll stay in Japan, and whether I'm going to Japan for sure (I haven't received an acceptance letter, but from what I know, it's more or less set in stone that I'm going there).
My sister also doesn't like being left alone now - just being alone in a room (even though we're in the other room, or, say, in the bathroom) is enough to make her sniffle and cry about being left alone. She thinks that we might go away for a long time and not return, and when I leave for class, she asks me what time I'll return. :( It breaks my heart, especially considering that my youngest sister and I are getting along fine now (at first, when she was born, I didn't appreciate having a new sibling). I already explained to her about webcams, and I said that she'd be visiting me at Christmas (I even said that she'd be able to see snow, drink her favorite miso soup every day, buy lots of FMA toys and go to Disneyland), but she's still upset. She says that she'd rather have me stay at home, and as much as I like going to Japan, I kind of feel like I'd be happy staying home. I don't want to see my little sister crying so badly; such a thought actually makes me cry (I got teary-eyed yesterday when she cried after bringing up the question).
I don't think I can quit, and I'm not 100% sure that I want to quit. My parents also think that since we've made the necessary preparations, I should just persevere and continue. At the same time, however, I don't mind staying in Manila. I can have fun with my friends, be with my sister, and maybe not have to be so stressed.
But even though I'm saying this, I still doubt that I'll quit. So how can I make my sister happy? Even if I don't bring up the topic, she always brings it up. Lately, I thought of cosplaying with her before I leave; she's seen kids her age cosplaying, and she wants to try it out (only problem is that my mom won't let her). I was reminded of a flashback scene of Euphie and Cornelia (from Code Geass) as kids, so I was thinking that we could cosplay young Euphie and young Cornelia before I leave, so that she can at least have a happy memory or something like that.
But I wonder, is there anything else I can do so that my sister won't cry about this? Because it makes me sad and worried just thinking about how hard my sister's going to cry when I'm not around. :( She really loves all of us, even though we're a less-than-perfect family; she doesn't like it when we're not around for a long time (e.g. when my dad is away for business, when I return home late because of exams or night classes).
So far, my professors seem nice (I don't know if they're also nice grades-wise, haha), but the workload - oh, I'm just scared of it. I have great groupmates, but still, I'm afraid of getting low grades - my groupmates are good, yes, but what if, say, the panelists aren't impressed with our presentations? Also, because I'm stress-averse, I balk when thinking of all the stress that I'll have to go through. I'm not used to all-nighters and not having the least bit of free time (even I need a break from everything). Moreover, I don't drink coffee, because I dislike the taste and I don't want to be caffeine-dependent. I guess I'll force myself to stay awake during those nights when we'll be loaded with assignments.
Sometimes I wonder if studying abroad is worth it after all. At first, I was so excited about the opportunity of going to Japan again - so much that I even made a mental list of things I want to buy, activities I want to do and sights I want to see in Japan. Thinking about it, I suppose that my hard work might pay off, that the reward for all my hard work is the fun I will have in Japan, but the problem is...
...will I really be happy going there? Here's the problem. I have two younger sisters; one's age is close to mine, while the other is just a child. The former and I don't get along sometimes, but lately we haven't really been arguing; she understands that I will be going to Japan, so that's fine. But the thing is, my dad told my youngest sister that I'm going to Japan for four or five months. What we didn't expect is that my sister would be really upset about it. The first time she heard the news, she cried so badly that we spent a long time comforting her. I thought that that would be the end of the story, but lately she's been feeling down. She's a cheerful child who laughs a lot and asks a lot of questions, but now she keeps asking me how long I'll stay in Japan, and whether I'm going to Japan for sure (I haven't received an acceptance letter, but from what I know, it's more or less set in stone that I'm going there).
My sister also doesn't like being left alone now - just being alone in a room (even though we're in the other room, or, say, in the bathroom) is enough to make her sniffle and cry about being left alone. She thinks that we might go away for a long time and not return, and when I leave for class, she asks me what time I'll return. :( It breaks my heart, especially considering that my youngest sister and I are getting along fine now (at first, when she was born, I didn't appreciate having a new sibling). I already explained to her about webcams, and I said that she'd be visiting me at Christmas (I even said that she'd be able to see snow, drink her favorite miso soup every day, buy lots of FMA toys and go to Disneyland), but she's still upset. She says that she'd rather have me stay at home, and as much as I like going to Japan, I kind of feel like I'd be happy staying home. I don't want to see my little sister crying so badly; such a thought actually makes me cry (I got teary-eyed yesterday when she cried after bringing up the question).
I don't think I can quit, and I'm not 100% sure that I want to quit. My parents also think that since we've made the necessary preparations, I should just persevere and continue. At the same time, however, I don't mind staying in Manila. I can have fun with my friends, be with my sister, and maybe not have to be so stressed.
But even though I'm saying this, I still doubt that I'll quit. So how can I make my sister happy? Even if I don't bring up the topic, she always brings it up. Lately, I thought of cosplaying with her before I leave; she's seen kids her age cosplaying, and she wants to try it out (only problem is that my mom won't let her). I was reminded of a flashback scene of Euphie and Cornelia (from Code Geass) as kids, so I was thinking that we could cosplay young Euphie and young Cornelia before I leave, so that she can at least have a happy memory or something like that.
But I wonder, is there anything else I can do so that my sister won't cry about this? Because it makes me sad and worried just thinking about how hard my sister's going to cry when I'm not around. :( She really loves all of us, even though we're a less-than-perfect family; she doesn't like it when we're not around for a long time (e.g. when my dad is away for business, when I return home late because of exams or night classes).