I can hide out under there ... i just made you say underwear
I havent felt much like writing in here lately..sorry to all who actually read this.
Nothing all that exciting has been happening really. I had spring break..but I just went home and didnt do much. I got my hair cut...and I really like it. But then chel came over and highlighted it, but it turned out to look more like it was dyed then highlighted and the blonde didnt come out blonde it came out like orangish or strawberry blonde. I dunno so i wasnt thrilled with that. But now its finally wearing out. Al said last week when we all got back to school that if I still didnt like it in a week they would dye it brown for me again. But its finally wearing out a bit so i dunno. I might just leave it.
Katums and I took a role of pictures of the 2 of us so I hope they came out nice. We stayed up all nite and took pictures and were bad asses and stuff lol. Ahh! I talked to Ben the other nite and he tells me its 5 months till vacation!! Im so excited!! So is Katums i think. It will be so much fun!! We're trying to think up car games to play to keep us occupied, like we're 5 or something lol. But its a long drive so were gonna have to do something. Anyone have any car game ideas?? It'll be sooo nice being at the beach and relaxing and seeing the ocean!! Were planning to sleep outside on the top deck one nite and watching the stars and listening to the ocean...it will be great. Theres gonna be a lot of kids this year. Normally its the guys and me but theres gonna be umm...8 or 9 kids this year. So it will be eventful lol but it will be like 9673820287 times better with katums there this year! :-)
I guess things havent been terrible emotionally for me lately. Very stressed these past few weeks with school stuff, but Ive made it through it so far. My lady was talking about putting me on anti-anxiety medicine finally because its been a big problem for me for a long time...especially lately though. But she says its highly addictive and sometimes its hard to come off of. But I think i need something bc i have a lot of anxiety attacks and stuff, especially when theres reasons for it. I dunno though. Depression wise things have been pretty consistant for a while now...not better but its not getting worse either so i guess thats alright. I dunno. Ive been trying really hard to be "good." Im tired of being self destructive. I dont know what happened. For the longest time...nearly 6 months...I was safe and then i messed up and since then Ive been on and off with it. I needa be good. Katums...if your reading this, yell at me if i fuck up..cuz ill listen to you. Ive lived like this for nearly 3 years now. Youd think that by now I would have learned that ultimately it doesnt do much in the long run anyways. So yea..new goal: BE GOOD.
On another note, I was working out quite a bit for a while. Then I went on spring break and didnt go to the gym at all that week. And last week was crazy busy and this week has been quite busy too. But i have to make sure i get myself back there. I have to run and do crunches. I dont know what I weigh right now...at home it says 118 with clothes on. But Katums scale says 119 with no clothes. So i dunno. Either way I gotta lose more. Ive been drinking lots of water lately. And Im trying to eat less crappy food and be healthier overall. I have to look better for the summer. Its extreeeeeeeeemly important...just because im making it important. I can tell just from some of the negatives from kates and my pictures that I look fat and I hate that. I have to be thinner. I think it would make me feel better overall if I lost more weight and could actually look at a picture of myself and say "oh I look good there." So yea...operation make jenny less of a fat ass is in process. lol. seriously though..i gotta get myself back to the gym.
I stilllll need someone to love me. And tell me so. And mean it...