Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! :-) Happy Birthday Weekend theme!
20 Fucking Years!!!
Holy Hell... i cant believe im 20 tomarrow. That scares the shit outta me. I swear. I dont know whether to smile or cry.
WHY I SHOULD SMILE:
well its cathys bday weekend too. lol. we made it into this whole "Happy Birthday Weekend" deal so thats what all our friends are calling this weekend. It started last nite and I guess doesnt end till monday nite cuz cathys real bday is monday. But they all suprised us last nite. It was so great. I went to work and bla bla bla and came back and I guess while i was working they all went to the mall and spent like 3 hours going on a shopping spree for me and Cathy. Cathy was there cuz well she just was so she picked out her own clothes and then they all picked out clothes for me. And omg they are really really cute!! They were so funny...Pepe was like "I picked out the black belt with the pink stars on it cuz I thought it looked punky!!" hehe. so i got that belt, a sheer black sweaterish thing with a white tank top under it, a black painters hat, and balck bracelets. It looks really cute together. ahh i love those girls. :) The whole point of the clothes was bc were going out to some club tonite and cathy and i both needed club clothes. but yea. it so nice.
but...
WHY I FEEL SAD:
I DONT WANNA GROW UP!! I dont want big girl responsibilities and i dont wanna have to worry about if i get really bad again then having to be sure everything is perfect and i dont show what i feel and i act maturely and i dont do "stupid/bad things" or anything like that. cuz somehow its just wrong for a 20 yr old to do those things. Goddddd....i used to think that if i made it through my teenage years by the time i was 20 (which seemed really old at the time) everything would be just fine and i would be happy and know exactly what i wanted to do with my life and not even be close to the bad things kinda thing and i would have found the true meaning of happiness and felt a reason to live my life and actually want to live my life...all the days of my life till i die of natural causes when i get really old. I guess some of its true...i mean, i can honestly say that a lot of the time i DO want to live my life. but its not to the point where i thought it should be by now. And I guess i feel like i should be past some of the feelings i have had for far too long at this point. I just wanna be a kid still...to be able to be a little less responsible for random things...whatever it is adults suddenly become responsible for at some point in their 20s. I know my parents will continue to support me and everything so i dont know why i am worried about it but i am. I wanna be able to mess up with things and not get yelled at to no end or being looked down upon for it or whatever. But really...all i want is to be FUCKING BETTER!! completley better. I am doing better then i was a while ago (ya way to be vague jenn) but i just want to be to the point where i am living my life as i imagined i would be when i was "grown up." I want to be able to make mistakes...and have them not be considered childish. I want to be able to just live like a normal teenager does...cuz as my mom says i seem to have missed out on several significant years of my teenage life due to being sick emotionally.
Anyways
I went to the gym tonite...ran (rather then walked like i usually do) and did over my 100 min. crunches for the day! go me! i done good. :) Allison should be back around 10 with our alchie to prep us for our nite out! yayy!! and then we shall be off. I's so excited and I dont know why. Im not a club person normally. But it should be fun tonite...theres umm...6 or 7 of us going so that will be good. Cathy was worried about having too much drink in her before we go and then getting groped or something and Pepe goes "Cathy...no ones gonna grope a group of 6 girls" lol. I just hope i stay excited and dont start freaking out or become out of it or something once were there. Hopefully things will be fine though.
K..well byeeee! Its happy birthday weekend time!!!