[fanfic] I missed you
Title: I missed you
Pairing: none really. Junsu Centric, a bit YooSu if you squint
Genre: drama. angst. a bit fluff. friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 350
Warning: unbetad. could be a few time mistakes in this xx. also deals with the lawsuit issue, don't like, don't read.
Summary: Junsu slowly watches their group falling apart and feels like falling apart inside himself as well.
Dedicated to: everyone who misses Junsu and them as five.
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK.
A/N:
I wrote this because I realized how much I actually misses Junsu. His voice, his passion, his laughter, his embarassment, just everything. He is still one of my bigger biases, in the kpopworld and in DBSK. So yeah, this came out.
Lol, I wanted to write Junsu!centric and a bit general, but somehow it ended up with YooSu at the end, even if just a bit.
I just can't avoid my biggest OTP ♥
I don't know if I portrayed him and them well enough. This is my third fic that deals with the current situation. Actually I like the previous ones better, especially the OT5 one~
But well, this happened and here it is haha
Hope you enjoy and please leave a comment afterwards!? ^^
~
They are only three now, not five and everything became a bit more difficult.
Like the silence that is now just too difficult to bear sometimes, or that someone accidentally calls one of the missing members and realizes too late that there will be no answer.
It became more difficult and Junsu slowly watches their group falling apart and feels like falling apart inside himself as well, together with the outside on going events.
He already saw the little gap when Jaejoong and Yoochun went on the promotions for their single together. He noticed how he slowly got separated from the group and felt a bit lost when he didn’t listen to them smoking outside on the balcony because they just weren’t there.
He already saw the difficulties that were to come when Yunho went to the filming set of his new drama, day by day. He noticed how Yunho barely shaved anymore when he didn’t need to and how he became more and more silent, more than he usually already was.
And he felt the separated life they had now when the first lawsuit was over, when the MAMA awards and the Smile Again event was over and he started practicing for his musical, when Changmin started filming his drama.
They have watched sweet little videos made by their fans for them, telling them they will keep the faith and waiting for them. But they can’t feel what he feels when they have to take different flights just because the entertainment says so and not because of their different schedule.
Junsu becomes more and more silent himself, trying not to show it, but when the cameras go off he just sits there and waits for something to happen, like that they turn on again.
He lost along the way his habit of humming whenever he was travelling and walking around and practices his lines for the musical instead.
When they visit Australia, he just merely grins at Yoochun holding the video camera and can only slightly feel excitement and happiness when he sees the fans waiting for them.
Hands clutched at the rose he had gotten from them he follows his two band mates and don’t even realize they are already on their way in the van until Jaejoong points at something interesting outside of their car.
The rose still in his hands, Junsu wonders why they can’t meet Changmin if he also is in this country and thinks about Yunho who is visiting his family back in his hometown.
He thinks of the time before they grew apart and before that, before they even became one group. He thinks about the time when Yunho had to live with him in his room because he had no place to go to.
Junsu don’t feel like smiling or humming at all. He misses the soft and caring look in Yunho’s eyes whenever he looks at him, at them and he misses the snarky comments or even the usual silence of their magnae.
They come back and Junsu hasn’t really got anything from the trip. He had practiced for his musical and sometimes watched the foreign country moving around him but never quite got the feeling he had in Paris. It was different, after all.
The silence is deafening and just when he concentrates he can hear the quiet chatter of his two band mates outside on the balcony.
It makes him smile a bit, and sad.
He remembered the feeling he had when the two went on their promotions as JaeChun and it just felt worse because he was the only one left behind and not like back then, three of them.
The two soulmates get more and more along with each other and Junsu knows that their bond just tightened, with the Color promotions and now with the lawsuit. It is just that they know each other best and he can’t help but think that it was good that they are together in this, these two. It is so normal that Jaejoong and Yoochun are soulmates, have the same tattoos and share their feelings and thoughts with each other.
Junsu stares at some point on the paper in his hands. Again, it is about the musical and his role he has to learn.
It seems like he don’t do anything else these days. It seems normal that he don’t do anything else.
He misses the magnae who would distract him after some time and persuade him to play games with him. He misses the leader who would drag him away from the papers to show him his newest composition and play some sports with him. He also misses his best friend who would drape around his shoulders from behind and lie his chin on his shoulder, asking him softly if he wants to stop for once and cuddle with him. And he lastly misses his caring hyung who would put a bowl of hot kimchi jigae in front of him and force him to eat it until it is empty.
He misses his band, his friends, his family. He misses the way they were before it started and sometimes, not too often but often enough he regrets it, regrets that they went this way.
His thoughts are disrupted with the opening and closing of the balcony door and he stands up to go to bed.
Even if the talking and smoking of the two goes on for hours in the night and even morning, he still waits every night until they come back inside until he tries to sleep.
Sometimes he doesn’t sleep at all and just listens to their soft breathing, behind the door in their shared bedroom.
He prefers to sleep in the living room though Yoochun offered him to just come into his bed when he feels lonely, since they couldn’t put a third bed in the bedroom.
They greet him with soft, tired smiles and even more tired eyes that give away what they were talking about. He watches them going to the bathroom and wishes them good night when they retrieve to their room.
Again Junsu can’t find any sleep and after two hours he hears the bedroom door opening and a shadow finds his way through the corridor.
With wide open eyes and almost holding his breath he watches how Jaejoong goes in the kitchen and soon he hears faint sounds like he is cooking something.
Slowly and a bit hesitated Junsu stands up and follows his older friend, until he stands in the door frame and watches Jaejoong preparing food, at 3 o’clock in the morning.
“What are you doing, hyung?”
Jaejoong turns around, slightly shocked and with wide eyes, looking at him like he is a ghost.
“God, Junsu. Don’t shock me like that.”
He shakes the head and returns to cut the vegetables.
“Again, what are you doing?”
Junsu frowns and walks to him until he can look over his shoulder.
“Don’t you see? I’m cooking.”
“But it’s 3 in the morning. Seriously… Jaejoong.”
His tone is serious and worried and Jaejoong pauses for a moment and sighs, before he turns to face Junsu.
With a soft smile and a tired hand movement he answers in a hesitant voice.
“I just… couldn’t sleep.”
Junsu waits for more but there doesn’t come more, so he takes his hyung’s hand, puts the knife away and leads him with him in the living room.
“Make yourself comfortable, I will get Yoochun. I bet he is also wide awake.”
He smiles at Jaejoong’s confused gaze and presses him down on the bed they moved in the living room so Junsu could sleep there.
Then he goes to the bedroom and just enters without knocking.
Yoochun turns around when he hears the door being opened and smiles slightly at Junsu.
“Hm?”
He seems like he wants to tug his younger friend with him in the bed and just cuddle, but Junsu kneels down in front of it and looks at him closely.
“What do you think about a few hours of watching drama and cuddling with me and Jaejoong in the living room?”
Yoochun seems a bit confused first, but then he smiles and lets his fingers graze for a moment over Junsu’s cheek.
“Sounds like a good idea.”
They go back into the living room, arms full with pillows and blankets out of the bedroom and Junsu settles down everything and arranges it together with Jaejoong while Yoochun puts in a DVD and turns on the TV.
There is too much space on the bed when they all, three, finally cuddle together under the blankets and Junsu can see on his friend’s faces that they think the same.
Instantly he grabs their hands and hold them tight, links his feet with Yoochun’s and smiles at them.
They just smile back and lie in comfortable silence, watching the first drama. After one hour Jaejoong is fast asleep and forgotten are the vegetables and food in the kitchen.
Junsu chuckles slightly at his friend’s relaxed and tired face and pulls the blanket more over him, stroking his cheek softly.
Yoochun is also half asleep and murmurs something into Junsu’s stomach, moving a bit so his head lies now on Junsu’s chest.
His eyes are closed, but Junsu know he isn’t asleep yet and watches his best friend scrunching his nose a bit.
“You smell.”
Junsu suppresses laughter and pokes Yoochun’s cheek, pressing a bit longer into his skin.
“And your head is heavy, although you have no brain mass, how is that possible, hm?!”
Yoochun can feel the vibrations under him when Junsu finally laughs, muffled by his hand, but still a laugh.
He looks up and grins happily at this sight.
“Hey, I missed you.”
Yoochun crawls higher until he is directly facing Junsu’s laughing eyes and lets the whisper touch his cheek.
“But I was here, all the time.”
Now Junsu is also whispering and he doesn’t even know why. He can see himself in Yoochun’s eyes and notices at the same time the familiar, soft and a bit vulnerable look in his best friend’s eyes.
“Not really. You were different, you are different.”
Yoochun sighs and follows the curves of Junsu’s mouth how they turn a bit downwards with his eyes.
Junsu presses his finger again in Yoochun’s cheek and lets it rest there, carefully and a bit stroking.
“We all are different. This whole thing changed us.” Didn’t you notice?
Slowly and like he has to think about it Yoochun nods finally and settles his head down on Junsu’s shoulder, breathing quietly against Junsu’s skin.
“I miss your humming and your little habit of stroking your side bangs. And I miss your oyaji gags and the sudden outbursts of your dolphin squeal laughter.”
“Hey! I don’t sound like a dolphin!”
Yoochun chuckles at the response and can almost feel the pout on Junsu’s lips, though he can’t see it, since he closed his eyes.
Actually Junsu flushes a bit at the words of his friend, embarrassed and not sure what to response to that.
He leans a bit more into the warm body next to him, all sharp bones and too thin skin, but so soft and familiar like barely anything else.
While he takes in the scent of Yoochun’s hair, a bit smoke and apple shampoo, he remembers all the times he lied like this with Yoochun before. He can recall almost every time they were this close, comfortable and silent with each other.
He can feel Yoochun’s breath slowing down and his whole body more and more relaxing next to his, so familiar the sleeping body of his friend.
“I missed you too.”
It is just a whisper and Junsu thinks Yoochun hasn’t heard it, but he can feel the body shifting and then how the breathing at his neck comes closer, the lips almost touching his skin.
A shiver runs through his body and he is tempted to move away a bit, but then Yoochun’s fingers find his own and intertwine them.
“But I was here all the time, Kim Junsu.”
There is just slight amusement in his voice and Junsu grins, holding tight onto the delicate fingers in his own.
He hesitates a moment, gazing for a short moment to the sleeping Jaejoong next to them, curled peacefully into the blanket.
“But you were so far away, always talking and smoking.” With Jaejoong
He can feel how the breath against his skin becomes unsteady for a moment before soft lips are pressed at his skin.
“Don’t be jealous, Babe. You are still my only best friend.” lover, beloved one, precious one…
Junsu wants to chuckle but it gets stuck in his throat and he moves closer to Yoochun, wants him to hold his shivering body for a moment, confused feelings inside him and butterflies slowly but tangible in his stomach.
“Chun-ah…”
Yoochun looks up and sees the glint in Junsu’s eyes, the tears threatened to fall. He wants to kiss them away, but don’t dare to, since he would touch unknown ground with that action.
Instead he lets go for a moment of Junsu’s hand and catches the falling teardrops with his fingers, smiling tenderly at his friend.
“Let’s sleep, Junsu-yah.”
Junsu just nods and shifts a bit to get his control back, over his body and his feelings, thoughts.
He feels Yoochun’s arm moving over his stomach and holding onto his waist, kind of possessive but also protective and safe.
With a soft kiss on Yoochun’s head which again lies on his chest, Junsu closes his eyes and is ready to fall asleep, until he hears the warm whisper just above his heart.
“Thank you, for tonight. For every day and night. To be with me in this.”
It says everything Junsu needs to hear and he swallows, swallows down the tears that want to fall again.
Embraced by the warmth and quiet breathing of his friend Junsu slowly drifts off to sleep, dreaming from a better future, five stars and a tender kiss on his lips.
Pairing: none really. Junsu Centric, a bit YooSu if you squint
Genre: drama. angst. a bit fluff. friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 350
Warning: unbetad. could be a few time mistakes in this xx. also deals with the lawsuit issue, don't like, don't read.
Summary: Junsu slowly watches their group falling apart and feels like falling apart inside himself as well.
Dedicated to: everyone who misses Junsu and them as five.
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK.
A/N:
I wrote this because I realized how much I actually misses Junsu. His voice, his passion, his laughter, his embarassment, just everything. He is still one of my bigger biases, in the kpopworld and in DBSK. So yeah, this came out.
Lol, I wanted to write Junsu!centric and a bit general, but somehow it ended up with YooSu at the end, even if just a bit.
I just can't avoid my biggest OTP ♥
I don't know if I portrayed him and them well enough. This is my third fic that deals with the current situation. Actually I like the previous ones better, especially the OT5 one~
But well, this happened and here it is haha
Hope you enjoy and please leave a comment afterwards!? ^^
~
They are only three now, not five and everything became a bit more difficult.
Like the silence that is now just too difficult to bear sometimes, or that someone accidentally calls one of the missing members and realizes too late that there will be no answer.
It became more difficult and Junsu slowly watches their group falling apart and feels like falling apart inside himself as well, together with the outside on going events.
He already saw the little gap when Jaejoong and Yoochun went on the promotions for their single together. He noticed how he slowly got separated from the group and felt a bit lost when he didn’t listen to them smoking outside on the balcony because they just weren’t there.
He already saw the difficulties that were to come when Yunho went to the filming set of his new drama, day by day. He noticed how Yunho barely shaved anymore when he didn’t need to and how he became more and more silent, more than he usually already was.
And he felt the separated life they had now when the first lawsuit was over, when the MAMA awards and the Smile Again event was over and he started practicing for his musical, when Changmin started filming his drama.
They have watched sweet little videos made by their fans for them, telling them they will keep the faith and waiting for them. But they can’t feel what he feels when they have to take different flights just because the entertainment says so and not because of their different schedule.
Junsu becomes more and more silent himself, trying not to show it, but when the cameras go off he just sits there and waits for something to happen, like that they turn on again.
He lost along the way his habit of humming whenever he was travelling and walking around and practices his lines for the musical instead.
When they visit Australia, he just merely grins at Yoochun holding the video camera and can only slightly feel excitement and happiness when he sees the fans waiting for them.
Hands clutched at the rose he had gotten from them he follows his two band mates and don’t even realize they are already on their way in the van until Jaejoong points at something interesting outside of their car.
The rose still in his hands, Junsu wonders why they can’t meet Changmin if he also is in this country and thinks about Yunho who is visiting his family back in his hometown.
He thinks of the time before they grew apart and before that, before they even became one group. He thinks about the time when Yunho had to live with him in his room because he had no place to go to.
Junsu don’t feel like smiling or humming at all. He misses the soft and caring look in Yunho’s eyes whenever he looks at him, at them and he misses the snarky comments or even the usual silence of their magnae.
They come back and Junsu hasn’t really got anything from the trip. He had practiced for his musical and sometimes watched the foreign country moving around him but never quite got the feeling he had in Paris. It was different, after all.
The silence is deafening and just when he concentrates he can hear the quiet chatter of his two band mates outside on the balcony.
It makes him smile a bit, and sad.
He remembered the feeling he had when the two went on their promotions as JaeChun and it just felt worse because he was the only one left behind and not like back then, three of them.
The two soulmates get more and more along with each other and Junsu knows that their bond just tightened, with the Color promotions and now with the lawsuit. It is just that they know each other best and he can’t help but think that it was good that they are together in this, these two. It is so normal that Jaejoong and Yoochun are soulmates, have the same tattoos and share their feelings and thoughts with each other.
Junsu stares at some point on the paper in his hands. Again, it is about the musical and his role he has to learn.
It seems like he don’t do anything else these days. It seems normal that he don’t do anything else.
He misses the magnae who would distract him after some time and persuade him to play games with him. He misses the leader who would drag him away from the papers to show him his newest composition and play some sports with him. He also misses his best friend who would drape around his shoulders from behind and lie his chin on his shoulder, asking him softly if he wants to stop for once and cuddle with him. And he lastly misses his caring hyung who would put a bowl of hot kimchi jigae in front of him and force him to eat it until it is empty.
He misses his band, his friends, his family. He misses the way they were before it started and sometimes, not too often but often enough he regrets it, regrets that they went this way.
His thoughts are disrupted with the opening and closing of the balcony door and he stands up to go to bed.
Even if the talking and smoking of the two goes on for hours in the night and even morning, he still waits every night until they come back inside until he tries to sleep.
Sometimes he doesn’t sleep at all and just listens to their soft breathing, behind the door in their shared bedroom.
He prefers to sleep in the living room though Yoochun offered him to just come into his bed when he feels lonely, since they couldn’t put a third bed in the bedroom.
They greet him with soft, tired smiles and even more tired eyes that give away what they were talking about. He watches them going to the bathroom and wishes them good night when they retrieve to their room.
Again Junsu can’t find any sleep and after two hours he hears the bedroom door opening and a shadow finds his way through the corridor.
With wide open eyes and almost holding his breath he watches how Jaejoong goes in the kitchen and soon he hears faint sounds like he is cooking something.
Slowly and a bit hesitated Junsu stands up and follows his older friend, until he stands in the door frame and watches Jaejoong preparing food, at 3 o’clock in the morning.
“What are you doing, hyung?”
Jaejoong turns around, slightly shocked and with wide eyes, looking at him like he is a ghost.
“God, Junsu. Don’t shock me like that.”
He shakes the head and returns to cut the vegetables.
“Again, what are you doing?”
Junsu frowns and walks to him until he can look over his shoulder.
“Don’t you see? I’m cooking.”
“But it’s 3 in the morning. Seriously… Jaejoong.”
His tone is serious and worried and Jaejoong pauses for a moment and sighs, before he turns to face Junsu.
With a soft smile and a tired hand movement he answers in a hesitant voice.
“I just… couldn’t sleep.”
Junsu waits for more but there doesn’t come more, so he takes his hyung’s hand, puts the knife away and leads him with him in the living room.
“Make yourself comfortable, I will get Yoochun. I bet he is also wide awake.”
He smiles at Jaejoong’s confused gaze and presses him down on the bed they moved in the living room so Junsu could sleep there.
Then he goes to the bedroom and just enters without knocking.
Yoochun turns around when he hears the door being opened and smiles slightly at Junsu.
“Hm?”
He seems like he wants to tug his younger friend with him in the bed and just cuddle, but Junsu kneels down in front of it and looks at him closely.
“What do you think about a few hours of watching drama and cuddling with me and Jaejoong in the living room?”
Yoochun seems a bit confused first, but then he smiles and lets his fingers graze for a moment over Junsu’s cheek.
“Sounds like a good idea.”
They go back into the living room, arms full with pillows and blankets out of the bedroom and Junsu settles down everything and arranges it together with Jaejoong while Yoochun puts in a DVD and turns on the TV.
There is too much space on the bed when they all, three, finally cuddle together under the blankets and Junsu can see on his friend’s faces that they think the same.
Instantly he grabs their hands and hold them tight, links his feet with Yoochun’s and smiles at them.
They just smile back and lie in comfortable silence, watching the first drama. After one hour Jaejoong is fast asleep and forgotten are the vegetables and food in the kitchen.
Junsu chuckles slightly at his friend’s relaxed and tired face and pulls the blanket more over him, stroking his cheek softly.
Yoochun is also half asleep and murmurs something into Junsu’s stomach, moving a bit so his head lies now on Junsu’s chest.
His eyes are closed, but Junsu know he isn’t asleep yet and watches his best friend scrunching his nose a bit.
“You smell.”
Junsu suppresses laughter and pokes Yoochun’s cheek, pressing a bit longer into his skin.
“And your head is heavy, although you have no brain mass, how is that possible, hm?!”
Yoochun can feel the vibrations under him when Junsu finally laughs, muffled by his hand, but still a laugh.
He looks up and grins happily at this sight.
“Hey, I missed you.”
Yoochun crawls higher until he is directly facing Junsu’s laughing eyes and lets the whisper touch his cheek.
“But I was here, all the time.”
Now Junsu is also whispering and he doesn’t even know why. He can see himself in Yoochun’s eyes and notices at the same time the familiar, soft and a bit vulnerable look in his best friend’s eyes.
“Not really. You were different, you are different.”
Yoochun sighs and follows the curves of Junsu’s mouth how they turn a bit downwards with his eyes.
Junsu presses his finger again in Yoochun’s cheek and lets it rest there, carefully and a bit stroking.
“We all are different. This whole thing changed us.” Didn’t you notice?
Slowly and like he has to think about it Yoochun nods finally and settles his head down on Junsu’s shoulder, breathing quietly against Junsu’s skin.
“I miss your humming and your little habit of stroking your side bangs. And I miss your oyaji gags and the sudden outbursts of your dolphin squeal laughter.”
“Hey! I don’t sound like a dolphin!”
Yoochun chuckles at the response and can almost feel the pout on Junsu’s lips, though he can’t see it, since he closed his eyes.
Actually Junsu flushes a bit at the words of his friend, embarrassed and not sure what to response to that.
He leans a bit more into the warm body next to him, all sharp bones and too thin skin, but so soft and familiar like barely anything else.
While he takes in the scent of Yoochun’s hair, a bit smoke and apple shampoo, he remembers all the times he lied like this with Yoochun before. He can recall almost every time they were this close, comfortable and silent with each other.
He can feel Yoochun’s breath slowing down and his whole body more and more relaxing next to his, so familiar the sleeping body of his friend.
“I missed you too.”
It is just a whisper and Junsu thinks Yoochun hasn’t heard it, but he can feel the body shifting and then how the breathing at his neck comes closer, the lips almost touching his skin.
A shiver runs through his body and he is tempted to move away a bit, but then Yoochun’s fingers find his own and intertwine them.
“But I was here all the time, Kim Junsu.”
There is just slight amusement in his voice and Junsu grins, holding tight onto the delicate fingers in his own.
He hesitates a moment, gazing for a short moment to the sleeping Jaejoong next to them, curled peacefully into the blanket.
“But you were so far away, always talking and smoking.” With Jaejoong
He can feel how the breath against his skin becomes unsteady for a moment before soft lips are pressed at his skin.
“Don’t be jealous, Babe. You are still my only best friend.” lover, beloved one, precious one…
Junsu wants to chuckle but it gets stuck in his throat and he moves closer to Yoochun, wants him to hold his shivering body for a moment, confused feelings inside him and butterflies slowly but tangible in his stomach.
“Chun-ah…”
Yoochun looks up and sees the glint in Junsu’s eyes, the tears threatened to fall. He wants to kiss them away, but don’t dare to, since he would touch unknown ground with that action.
Instead he lets go for a moment of Junsu’s hand and catches the falling teardrops with his fingers, smiling tenderly at his friend.
“Let’s sleep, Junsu-yah.”
Junsu just nods and shifts a bit to get his control back, over his body and his feelings, thoughts.
He feels Yoochun’s arm moving over his stomach and holding onto his waist, kind of possessive but also protective and safe.
With a soft kiss on Yoochun’s head which again lies on his chest, Junsu closes his eyes and is ready to fall asleep, until he hears the warm whisper just above his heart.
“Thank you, for tonight. For every day and night. To be with me in this.”
It says everything Junsu needs to hear and he swallows, swallows down the tears that want to fall again.
Embraced by the warmth and quiet breathing of his friend Junsu slowly drifts off to sleep, dreaming from a better future, five stars and a tender kiss on his lips.