But there's beauty in the breakdown.
Somehow I can't get over anything. I am so sick and all this crying because it is making me weak. I want a family. I want a family. I want a family. I want a family. I've never had a breakdown this bad, to the point where I don't know if I'll be at school tomorrow. I want people's help but all they do is repeat like a recorded message, "It's going to get better.." What if it doesn't? What if all my life I'm going to be this way? ..so out of touch that even letters can't reach me? Why can't I just be.. normal again? Normal to the point where I looked forward to Holidays.. It will never be how I want it to be, but that's alright. It's okay. I've come face to face with the horror of real life.
I don't want to be out here on my own so fast.
Can't I just have a childhood?
I've had the worst fight with my mom. She threatening things and this time she sounds serious. She threw.. a calculator at me.. It had been me that had thrown the chair, the lamp.. I cracked the window and I locked my door. It didn't keep her out though, I love her but I can't handle her emotional side. I can hardly stand my own emotional side. She makes these remarks about my dad and I just want to kill her. I don't know what I am going to do.
I am the pawn that is going to be sacraficed.