garbled brain dump
I never know, when I am wired after working 10-plus hour days, and then cannot sleep, whether it's because I am on some kind of adrenaline kick from being alert for so long, or if it's that I need the privacy and quiet of everyone's sleeping after a day full of sweaty little bodies climbing all over me and showing me things every few minutes.
I put the littlest boy in underpants today, to see what he would do, because his Mom wants him potty trained so he can go to preschool when he turns 3. He mostly liked it, and peed on himself and took a dump in his train underpants, but didn't pee on me so I say YAY! He also peed in the toilet once, on purpose, so that was pretty cool. I like to let him spend the day in a t-shirt and tiny undies, dimply legs and baby feet running around. He got tired and lay down in the dog bed with the dog, so I put him in his own bed with a towel under him, and he woke up with no urine. Whee!
The biggest boy has these anxiety things, and I'm reading about them and trying to teach him to put himself in check before he explodes and gets all destructive. So far it's not going very quickly. Sometimes I just scoop him up and run us both outside with no shoes when I can see he's about to trash everything within reach and the cold surprises him and gets him to stop. It works better not in the summer. I wonder if it's a similar mechanism to how self injury can stop panic attacks, and holding ice cubes can be a way to stop self injury. I think that could be a useful thing to know but not one that would be easy to use in a humane way on children. Just on oneself.
The only girl is in first grade now, and is still the boss of everything she can be the boss of, which I appreciate.
I came home and there were three friends here, so we had dinner and watched videos of people popping blackheads and cysts on the internet. We planned to make many gingerbready type foods and then they left.
Then I tried to have sex but if you know what a hernia is you might imagine why I don't feel reckless abandon humping away at someone with intestines where they don't belong held in only by skin. So that was a pisser.
Something I like about myself: My left knuckles are always burnt because I can't seem to pull things in or out of the oven without burning them. I like to imagine that I punched someone in the mouth and their teeth scraped me. Or just that I am on my way to having tough chef hands. I'm not really though because my fingers hurt from heat still. And because I'm not a chef. But I do like to chop things up with a bigger knife than necessary, and whack things against a cutting board. By things I mean vegetables. And fruits. Not animals.
I didn't go swimming this week and I need to, because I like how it feels. I will never go scuba diving though and there is a scuba store on my way home called Silent World, which freaks me out and makes me clammy just reading that. It sums up all my bad dreams about depths and suffocation in two words. Grotesque. Why do people read that and say "oh, yes, Silent World, that sounds like a delightful way to spend my money!"? Hideous.
I put the littlest boy in underpants today, to see what he would do, because his Mom wants him potty trained so he can go to preschool when he turns 3. He mostly liked it, and peed on himself and took a dump in his train underpants, but didn't pee on me so I say YAY! He also peed in the toilet once, on purpose, so that was pretty cool. I like to let him spend the day in a t-shirt and tiny undies, dimply legs and baby feet running around. He got tired and lay down in the dog bed with the dog, so I put him in his own bed with a towel under him, and he woke up with no urine. Whee!
The biggest boy has these anxiety things, and I'm reading about them and trying to teach him to put himself in check before he explodes and gets all destructive. So far it's not going very quickly. Sometimes I just scoop him up and run us both outside with no shoes when I can see he's about to trash everything within reach and the cold surprises him and gets him to stop. It works better not in the summer. I wonder if it's a similar mechanism to how self injury can stop panic attacks, and holding ice cubes can be a way to stop self injury. I think that could be a useful thing to know but not one that would be easy to use in a humane way on children. Just on oneself.
The only girl is in first grade now, and is still the boss of everything she can be the boss of, which I appreciate.
I came home and there were three friends here, so we had dinner and watched videos of people popping blackheads and cysts on the internet. We planned to make many gingerbready type foods and then they left.
Then I tried to have sex but if you know what a hernia is you might imagine why I don't feel reckless abandon humping away at someone with intestines where they don't belong held in only by skin. So that was a pisser.
Something I like about myself: My left knuckles are always burnt because I can't seem to pull things in or out of the oven without burning them. I like to imagine that I punched someone in the mouth and their teeth scraped me. Or just that I am on my way to having tough chef hands. I'm not really though because my fingers hurt from heat still. And because I'm not a chef. But I do like to chop things up with a bigger knife than necessary, and whack things against a cutting board. By things I mean vegetables. And fruits. Not animals.
I didn't go swimming this week and I need to, because I like how it feels. I will never go scuba diving though and there is a scuba store on my way home called Silent World, which freaks me out and makes me clammy just reading that. It sums up all my bad dreams about depths and suffocation in two words. Grotesque. Why do people read that and say "oh, yes, Silent World, that sounds like a delightful way to spend my money!"? Hideous.