(no subject)
It seem's that recently the only thing I've been writing in here are personal triumphs and remembrances of the past. It's just something I have to do. This is another.
It's wierd, driving home tonight, I knew exactly what I was going to write in here. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. But sitting in this chair, going to write it and I just can't. It doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because things always made more sense to me in a car. I guess I'll try.
Life's been wierd lately. It seems strange the second my life is secure and different, the past returns. Not necessarily to haunt me because its an open invitation that I've accepted. And it's not even that I don't think I can handle it. I can. I've handle worse. It's just wierd that things don't change. It's wierd that a conversation I have with him now is no different then it was 2 years ago except now there is nothing left to fight over. We're two different people and I'm not quite sure either of us knows whether to hate the other or love them for it. Time will tell I guess. Time always tells. And I don't know how things are going to work out for her and I. I just don't. I'm going to pray for the best. I'm going to hope. But I also know the road she's on. And I know how many people I abandoned on my own struggle for sobriety. I wonder if she'll abandon me again. It's wierd thinking about this all. It's so wierd that my life is well.. coming.. full circle. I was the hopeless. I was the addict. I was the destruction. And now I'm the saver, the sober one, the controlled chaos. I guess I've always been it all. Maybe that's the only reason why I've lasted so long. I've always been able to live.
Before I go. There's are still so many things people don't know about me. And I wonder if one day I'll ever be able to share.
It's wierd, driving home tonight, I knew exactly what I was going to write in here. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. But sitting in this chair, going to write it and I just can't. It doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because things always made more sense to me in a car. I guess I'll try.
Life's been wierd lately. It seems strange the second my life is secure and different, the past returns. Not necessarily to haunt me because its an open invitation that I've accepted. And it's not even that I don't think I can handle it. I can. I've handle worse. It's just wierd that things don't change. It's wierd that a conversation I have with him now is no different then it was 2 years ago except now there is nothing left to fight over. We're two different people and I'm not quite sure either of us knows whether to hate the other or love them for it. Time will tell I guess. Time always tells. And I don't know how things are going to work out for her and I. I just don't. I'm going to pray for the best. I'm going to hope. But I also know the road she's on. And I know how many people I abandoned on my own struggle for sobriety. I wonder if she'll abandon me again. It's wierd thinking about this all. It's so wierd that my life is well.. coming.. full circle. I was the hopeless. I was the addict. I was the destruction. And now I'm the saver, the sober one, the controlled chaos. I guess I've always been it all. Maybe that's the only reason why I've lasted so long. I've always been able to live.
Before I go. There's are still so many things people don't know about me. And I wonder if one day I'll ever be able to share.