....
i am oddly......very very content right now.
i remember how last christmas i was so excited to come home. it was the first time away from home. i was at college for one semester and all i wanted was my bed and home cooking. now, one year later.....i feel like i am being squashed with attention from my mom....and soon to be my dad, when he gets home this weekend.
i don't like all the attention. i don't want to hang out with them all the time. and i certainly don't like them standing over my shoulder while i am online. it is not me being bratty or selfish....it is just me getting use to the freedom of late nights and seeing who i was to see, etc.
but back to the whole...me being content. i think i may have finally shed my shell. i have always been so guarded (and i still am to some extent), so closed up. i have become more emotional. i did not like being so cold. maybe instead of me portraying an image of being untouchable, unbreakable.....i can let more of myself come through. it takes a long time for someone to let go of the past. i can do that now for the most part. cut out the bad, leave the good. i am content with myself. i have truly found the friends i will have throughout college. and i truly am thankful they were set down in my path so that i could find them.
i long for school now.ugh
it's like i have reached some sort of epiphany the past month or so. i found that daily, i made some sort of magnificent connection to everything in my life. odd how those things happen.
thank you.
my next task is to not be so afraid- i am slowly, but surely working on that.
i remember how last christmas i was so excited to come home. it was the first time away from home. i was at college for one semester and all i wanted was my bed and home cooking. now, one year later.....i feel like i am being squashed with attention from my mom....and soon to be my dad, when he gets home this weekend.
i don't like all the attention. i don't want to hang out with them all the time. and i certainly don't like them standing over my shoulder while i am online. it is not me being bratty or selfish....it is just me getting use to the freedom of late nights and seeing who i was to see, etc.
but back to the whole...me being content. i think i may have finally shed my shell. i have always been so guarded (and i still am to some extent), so closed up. i have become more emotional. i did not like being so cold. maybe instead of me portraying an image of being untouchable, unbreakable.....i can let more of myself come through. it takes a long time for someone to let go of the past. i can do that now for the most part. cut out the bad, leave the good. i am content with myself. i have truly found the friends i will have throughout college. and i truly am thankful they were set down in my path so that i could find them.
i long for school now.ugh
it's like i have reached some sort of epiphany the past month or so. i found that daily, i made some sort of magnificent connection to everything in my life. odd how those things happen.
thank you.
my next task is to not be so afraid- i am slowly, but surely working on that.