Eggshell White
Title: Eggshell White
Rating: PG 13
Side pairing/s: suchen
Length: 6276 words
Summary: Who even liked Kyungsoo, honestly? Definitely not Baekhyun - which made things problematic when their two bestfriends decided to get married.
Warning/s: n/a
Notes: Originally written for sooenaemoured exchange 2014.
Who even liked Kyungsoo, honestly?
He was such a bore. It's not like it was Baekhyun's fault that Kyungsoo had been the only other person in the room when he'd accidentally spilled coffee all over the boss' expensive suit jacket - who else was he supposed to blame?
Kyungsoo hadn't even gotten fired, so he really had nothing to whine about anyway.
"My conscience is clear!" Baekhyun announced firmly, throwing a dart towards the bulls-eye target across the room, but instead landing it in the drywall three inches to the left. Jongdae snorted from the couch behind him.
"Joonmyun said that Kyungsoo said you were immature and a nuance."
"Nuance?" Baekhyun frowned, closing one eye to aim for the target before throwing a second dart (he missed again), "He said I'm a nuance?"
"Joonmyun said it meant you were annoying."
"Annoying... oh! Nuisance! He must have said 'nuisance', right?" he turned around excitedly, a wide grin on his lips and third dart still in hand, eager to have guessed the correct word since this happened so often, what with Jongdae being a complete and total -- wait, nuisance?
"... He called me annoying?!"
Jongdae laughed evilly from his spot on the couch, digging through the bowl in his lap for more chips. When he spoke it was through a mouthful, "well, yeah. I mean, have you met yourself?"
"I am not annoying!" declared Baekhyun, throwing the dart at his friend for emphasis and pointedly ignoring the chorus of why did you do that oh my god Baekhyun that was my good arm both of my arms are good why did you do that oh my god why and accompanying whines.
"You're lucky my aim sucks. It was supposed to hit you in the face."
Oh my god Baekhyun you are literally the worst friend like no wonder everybody calls you annoying my face is too beautiful to be hit with tiny sharp missiles like have you SEEN my JAWLINE its perfect if you had my jawline instead of that squished chin of yours you would-
"Will you shut up and just tell me why you care about me and Kyungsoo?!"
"Oh," Jongdae's cheeks colored.
"Well?" he began to tap his foot impatiently, brow raised and hip cocked.
"Well uh... Joonmyun and I... Joonmyun proposed-"
"What?!"
"I know! And I said yes!"
"Oh my god!"
"I know!"
"Oh my god!"
"And you're my best friend so you're helping with the wedding!"
"Oh my god!"
"And Kyungsoo too!"
"Oh my-- wait, what?"
They paused their bouncing and flailing, Baekhyun's look of excitement turning to one of confusion. Jongdae's expression was still bright as ever.
"Yeah, he's Joonmyun's best friend."
"No..." Baekhyun whispered darkly, confusion turning to understanding turning to horror.
"So you two get to work together."
"No!"
His wailing was almost drowned out by Jongdae's menacing laughter.
"Baekhyun?"
"Yes, sir?"
"How did coffee get all over my suit jacket?"
"KYUNGSOO DID IT."
"I-- What?!"
The crisp autumn wind stung his eyes, making him have to nose his way further into the knit of his scarf.
"It's too cold," he grumbled, "I shouldn't have to be out in the cold."
"We're almost there," Jongdae assured him, tugging at his elbow insistently as they padded through the street. Baekhyun sighed and quickened his steps to keep from stumbling, painfully aware that they likely resembled a pair of penguins waddling around with their layers of sweaters and jackets and mittens and scarves to keep out the October chill. Joonmyun just couldn't have proposed in the summertime, could he?
By the time they finally reached the cafe, their cheeks were scarlet and their noses runny. Eagerly they shuffled inside, Baekhyun bumping around awkwardly in all the lumps of his clothes, and absentmindedly trailed after Jongdae as he focused on the more pressing issue of untangling his seemingly never ending scarf from around his neck.
"Oh, there you two are!" he could hear Joonmyun's sickeningly sincere voice say, followed by the wet sounds of a kiss. Baekhyun was still scowling down at his chest, face scrunched up in concentration as he attempted to dislodge the fabric zipped into his jacket.
"Sorry for being late, we got a little lost."
Baekhyun ignored the greetings, tugging at the ends of his scarf which refused to come free.
"Oh no, it's perfectly alright. Just fifteen minutes, it's nothing, dear."
Baekhyun tried not to gag. He decided he hated scarves from that point onward.
"We're here now, at least!"
He decided he also hated zippers.
"Hello, Jongdae. It's good to see you again."
Stupid fucking zipper--
"... And you, Baekhyun."
He froze then, eyes widening as he saw a hand reach toward him and gently tug the zipper down, freeing his scarf with ease. Glancing up through the mop of his mouse-colored hair, he saw Kyungsoo leaning over to him, fingers still on his zipper.
Kyungsoo smirked, Jongdae snorted.
"... Thanks."
Clearing his throat, Baekhyun nodded curtly towards Joonmyun and more stiffly to Kyungsoo, slipping into the booth and pressing himself against the window. He tried to ignore the heat flushing in his cheeks.
"Thank you both so much for coming and agreeing to help!" Joonmyun began after they'd ordered coffee and pastries, "we have a lot to do. I was thinking that we could decorate the entire ballroom with white lilies! And maybe even a few--" How boring.
Craning his neck, Baekhyun tried to get a glimpse of what the waitress was doing. They'd gotten their coffee already, but he was much more interested in the arrival of his carrot cake.
In truth Baekhyun had never particularly liked weddings, and although he'd never even attended one before, he did love a good party - which was what he planned to turn this wedding into. If it was left up to Joonmyun The Senior and Jongdae The Toddler it'd probably end up closer to a funeral than a wedding - only with a coloring table for Jongdae in the corner. Baekhyun wouldn't be surprised if Jongdae gave his fiance an onion ring instead of an actual wedding band on the big day.
"What do you think, Baekhyun?"
"Huh?" Baekhyun blinked into focus, staring a very eager looking Joonmyun in the eyes.
"What do you think should be top priority. You know," answered Kyungsoo, "for the wedding you agreed to help plan?"
Wow. Dick.
After throwing an impatient glare at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun turned back to the other two, "Uh--"
Only then he saw the waitress walking towards their booth.
"Cake!" he exclaimed, tossing his arms up excitedly.
"Oh, good thinking, Baekhyun! What kind of cake should we have?!" Joonmyun gushed, "We could have a giant vanilla one, or-"
"A strawberry shortcake?!"
"Yes, dear, even better thinking! We could spell out 'love' with strawberries on the top, and our names in pink frosting, and-"
Baekhyun pretended that it hadn't been his carrot cake he had exclaimed excitedly about.
"Your relationship is basically illegal."
"What? Why?!"
"Because he's basically ninety and you're basically six."
"I'll have you know he says my child-like free spirit is endearing. And he's only a few years older than I am!"
"You say this now, but just wait until you'll have to do old people things with him."
"He's not old!"
"What if he wears diapers?"
"Joonmyun doesn't wear a diaper, Baekhyun, oh my god."
"But what if he does? Are you prepared to deal with diapers, Jongdae? Big floppy old people diapers?"
"He doesn't--"
"What if he just acts old because he has like, an old person fetish."
"Baekh--"
"What if he's into diaper kink?"
"..."
"So, Joonmyun is calling another wedding planner meeting."
Baekhyun incoherently groaned for three and a half minutes. Jongdae eventually just talked over him.
"Only this time he's not coming, he's got a paperwork to do or something."
Baekhyun's groaning raised in pitch and transformed into a happy sounding hum, only with question marks - so like a ughughhhhh-hmm!?
"Yeah, thought you'd like to hear that... Only I can't make it either because I have a yoga class and you know how I can't miss those because I have such high tension and all so it'll just be you and Kyungsoo make sure to meet him at the cafe again in fifteen and don't be late because apparently he hates that okay good luck I'm off to yoga love you bye~"
Before Baekhyun could even righten himself from laying face down on the couch he heard the door slam; and Jongdae was gone. He scowled at the empty space where his best friend had just been mere seconds ago.
"Yoga? Yoga!?" Baekhyun mumbled incredulously, looking at the ticking clock on the wall, "Yoga my ass!"
He dragged himself up off the couch.
"Jongdae doesn't even have high tension."
He stomped into his bedroom.
"He told me he signed up for yoga so he could be more flexible."
He swung open his closet door and rummaged for a sweater.
"Not even because he wanted to be healthier!"
Were all his sweaters dirty?
"He just wanted to do that one god awful circus sex position with Joonmyun!"
Underneath a pile of t shirts he found a clean sweater. He clutched it in his fingers, frowning down at the laundry-fresh fabric for a few moments. Then he tossed it onto his bed and got a dirty one anyway. Kyungsoo didn't deserve a clean sweater.
Baekhyun grumpily marched out of his apartment a few minutes later, looked at his watch while he was locking the front door, and then strode back in and waited another ten before he left again. Kyungsoo didn't deserve punctuality, either.
Just before he left - actually left - he quickly swiped his sunglasses off the shelf. He might look vaguely homeless, sporting a worn gray sweater and tattered jeans, but he would be fashionably vaguely homeless, damn it.
He regretted choosing the fashionably vaguely homeless look as soon as he stepped outside into the evening chill of autumn.
He regretted the sunglasses as soon as he tripped over a curb and was nearly hit by a car because he couldn't see anything in the dim evening light.
He blamed Kyungsoo for both his coldness and his near death experience.
By the time he reached the cafe, he was freezing and his knees stung from where the wind slapped at his skin through the holes in his jeans. The bell that hung from the doorframe jingled merrily when he pushed his way inside - Baekhyun wanted to destroy it.
"Ah, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo greeted upon seeing him, but Baekhyun was too busy glaring venomously up at the bell to bother, "... Don't you look nice."
Swinging his head around, he noticed Kyungsoo looking him up and down and pointedly snickering at his wardrobe.
"Very appropriate for the weather."
"I'm fashionable."
"You look like you climbed out of a dumpster."
"Uh, I look like I fashionably climbed out of a fashionable dumpster, Kyungsoo, please."
"Right. Let's just sit down."
They went to a booth a short ways from the cafe's entrance, and Baekhyun slid into the seat across from Kyungsoo.
"So, uhm... Joonmyun left me... quite a bit of... notes..."
"Can we ignore them?"
"I think that would be best, yes."
Kyungsoo shoved the clump of papers to the other side of the table, nodding politely to the waitress who had stopped to take their orders. Kyungsoo asked for a coffee, black, while Baekhyun ordered more carrot cake.
"The first thing Joonmyun wanted us to take care of was a general color scheme. I was thinking a traditional eggshell white--"
"Eggshell white?" Baekhyun's face scrunched up in disgust, "It should obviously be off-white."
Eggshell white. Who even used eggshell white?
"Baekhyun, please, we need to be serious here. Eggshell white with an ivory finish."
"Ew. Off-white with a champagne trim."
"Champagne is a drink, Baekhyun."
"And a color! And don't you 'Baekhyun' me in that tone of voice."
"We'll be serving champagne, not coloring the tapestries with it."
"Uh, no, we'll be serving white wine. Much classier."
"You can't even dress yourself, how do you expect to design a wedding?"
Baekhyun paused, still midway through shoving a generous helping of carrot cake into his mouth. He stared at Kyungsoo in bewilderment as a tense, silent moment passed them.
"You may as well have come in a trash bag, since the look you were apparently going for was garbage," Kyungsoo went on, leaning back in his seat and raising a defiant brow.
Baekhyun dropped his fork and Kyungsoo pressed the lip of his coffee mug to his mouth with a smirk.
Oh, he did not.
"I'm perfectly fashionable!"
"Uh huh."
"Don't you 'uh huh' me you walking bag of dicks! Who the hell wears a puffy astronaut coat in autumn?! Who wears a puffy astronaut coat at all?"
"At least I can dress for the weather! Your outfit's filthy and covered in holes."
"You didn't deserve a clean sweater!"
"I-- What?"
"I almost got hit by a car because of you!"
"How is your idiocy my fault?!"
"I could have died, Kyungsoo."
"Oh, what a tragedy that would have been."
"Your eyebrows look like fuzzy dicks on your face!" Baekhyun exclaimed, stabbing his fork into the wooden tabletop for emphasis.
Kyungsoo choked on his coffee.
21:44 Me: kyungsoo is color blind
21:45 Me: he wanted the color scheme of the wedding to be eggshell white and ivory
21:45 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): oh
21:45 Me: i said off white with champagne
21:47 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): i see
21:47 Me: what do you think
21:47 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): arent those all white
21:48 Me: yes but which KIND of white do you want for your wedding jongdae
21:48 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): cum
21:48 Me: omfg
21:48 Me: you want your wedding to be cum colored
21:49 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): yes
21:50 Me: this is why youre saved as jongdumb on my phone
21:51 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): wait u said u changed that
21:51 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): o btw joonbug is gonna text u rn
21:51 Me: why
21:52 Diaper kink: Hey there Baekhyun !! im gonna give you Kyungsoo's number, alright??? that way it will be easier for you two to contact each other to make plans!! ^^
21:53 Me: great
Baekhyun showed up for the cake testing in a black suit and a white speckled bowtie.
Everyone else showed up in cardigans and pullovers - save for Joonmyun, who always wore ugly, pastel colored polo shirts.
Baekhyun sauntered into the empty bakery without missing a step, bending over when he passed Kyungsoo to whisper fashion into his ear before taking his readied seat across the table. It took Joonmyun a total of three seconds before he started emotionally gushing about cake, but this was a topic Baekhyun was an expert on.
"We've already tasted a good deal of flavors," Joonmyun began, flapping his hands around for emphasis, "and we came down to two final options. We can't decide between the two - so that's why you're both here!"
"What are the flavors?" Kyungsoo asked with an annoyingly high amount of interest in his annoyingly annoying tone of voice. Baekhyun scoffed.
Joonmyun looked like he was about to cry - which Jongdae had always assured him was just the guy's excited expression.
"Jongdae, fetch the samples, sweetheart!"
Jongdae was busily pushing straws into his mouth so that he resembled a walrus.
"I'll bring them, it's alright," Kyungsoo said with a smile, starting to get up from his seat.
Oh no you don't, dick-brows.
Standing up suddenly and sending his chair screeching behind him, Baekhyun squinted with suspicion at Kyungsoo.
"I'll help you," he said slowly, accusingly.
Kyungsoo grumpily stared back, clearly unamused - but really, when was Kyungsoo ever amused to begin with?
Jongdae blinked owlishly between them, straws still secured between his upper lip and his teeth. He jerked a thumb backwards towards the bakery's kitchen.
Stalking off with Baekhyun in tow, Kyungsoo led them into the kitchen area where the baker had left the samples. They barely managed to get through the swinging doors before Kyungsoo had spun around, poking a finger at Baekhyun's nose.
"Just what is your problem?!"
Baekhyun stared at the finger in his face, cross-eyed, for a few seconds. Then, with an angry swat, he shoved the other man's hand away and retorted with a glare, "you are my problem."
"Look, I know you don't like me--"
"I hate you."
"-- but are you really immature enough to let your feelings towards me get in the way of your best friend's wedding? His happiness?"
"Yes."
"Oh my god."
With an impatient sigh Kyungsoo rubbed at his temples, taking a deep breath before looking back at Baekhyun, "Fine. Let's just get the cakes and get this over with."
Just as Kyungsoo turned and went to reach for a pretty vanilla cake with pink frosting sitting on the counter, Baekhyun hip checked him aside and reached to pick it up first - only he shoved Kyungsoo a bit too hard and sent the other tripping into a rack of hanging pots and pans.
"Do you do things just for the sake of disrupting me?" Kyungsoo grunted over the clatter of metal, frantically trying to keep things from falling.
"Only sometimes."
"You're insufferable."
"You're ugly."
Baekhyun shrieked in surprise when Kyungsoo thwacked him in the cheek with a wooden spoon, nearly dropping the cake in the process.
"My beautiful face!"
"You look like a ten year old."
"It's cute, shut up!" Baekhyun wailed, swinging his head around to glare daggers at Kyungsoo, one hand balancing the cake and the other rubbing at his reddening cheek. He glanced down at the cake in his hand then back to the other man, who was tapping the wooden spoon against the back of his knuckle with a smug smile.
With gaze narrowed Baekhyun lowered his hand from his face, locking eyes with Kyungsoo as he hovered his palm above the edge of the cake.
"Don't you dare, Byun Baekhyun. That isn't even our--"
Kyungsoo was cut off when Baekhyun smooshed a handful of dessert into his face, making sure to rub it all along his cheek and chin. When he pulled his hand away Kyungsoo looked livid.
"Now nobody has to look at your eyebrows," Baekhyun said with a laugh, licking off the stray bits of icing from his fingertips.
Kyungsoo gently tossed the wooden spoon onto the counter, Baekhyun's gaze following the utensil as it slid across the marble by his hip and hit the the wall, fingers still between his lips, and only noticed Kyungsoo right in front of him when it was far too late.
One hand grabbing at Baekhyun's wrist while the other gripped at the back of his head, Kyungsoo forced Baekhyun's head down just as he forced his wrist up, effectively slamming Baekhyun's face into the center of the cake. He whined into the frosting.
When the back of his neck was finally released Baekhyun bobbed his head up to suck in a breath, blinking and having to squint with all the bits of cake in his eyes - but Kyungsoo was one step ahead of him, and shoved another handful of cake into his face.
He stumbled back, trying to escape the ruthless force squishing frosting onto his nose, but didn't get far before the back of his waist bumped into the counter, his lips parting with a startled squeak. Squirming left and right didn't help now that he was trapped, and out of a desperate knee-jerk reaction he ended up licking Kyungsoo's fingers into his mouth, tonguing at them to create the ultimate gross sensation so that he would be freed.
Unfortunately he tasted cake before he realized he had half of Kyungsoo's - no sense of humor KyungEw's - hand in his mouth.
"It's carrot cake!" he tried to chirp, only it came out more as a issth cawwoht cakk instead. He tongued at the pads of Kyungsoo's fingers, trying to suck off as much of the frosting as possible.
Baekhyun didn't even get a chance to register Kyungsoo's look of horror before Joonmyun poked his head into the kitchen, halfway through mumbling something about all the noise, when Joonmyun froze, jaw hanging open.
Glancing from Joonmyun to Kyungsoo in front of him, Baekhyun stiffened. Kyungsoo's eyes were wide like a deer in headlights, his pale skin dusted in pink where it wasn't covered in frosting.
Then Baekhyun realized he was essentially suckling at his worst enemy's hands.
Jerkily yanking Kyungsoo's wrist to tug the man's fingers out of his mouth, Baekhyun cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Uhm, I think I like the vanilla one better."
He decided he didn't like carrot cake anymore.
17:02 Me hey
17:02 Melook i'm sorry ok
17:02 Me you were right i am being immature
17:03 Me joonmyun looked really sad today about the cake and jongdae did too... so can we just pull it together for them
17:04 Ew No.
17:04 Me what why
17:04 Ew You're incredibly annoying.
17:04 Me WOW
17:07 Me fine you douche
17:08 Hella Ew You started it.
17:08 Me ass
17:08 Hella Ew Baby.
17:08 Me gross don't call me pet names
17:10 Hella Ew I MEANT THAT IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ARE CHILDISH DONT PLAY WITH MY WORDS BYUN BAEKHYUN
17:10 Me don't worry i'd never play with anything of yours
17:10 Hella Ew Are you implying something sexual?
17:10 Me yes
17:11 Hella Ew Why are you like this?
Hopping out of his car and directly into a puddle, Baekhyun took it as an omen for the disasters that were sure to greet him that afternoon.
Ahead of him was a quaint looking studio with a big sign that read JJANGU MONGGU'S TANGO TONGU and in tinier cursive letters underneath THE ART OF MUSIC & DANCE.
"What the fuck."
Baekhyun wasn't sure how Joonmyun had managed to find such an incredibly lame sounding company to do the music for the wedding, but at least it didn't look busy. Pulling the drawstrings of his hoodie and nuzzling into the fabric with a huff, Baekhyun walked inside, his every step accented with a squelching sound from his wet shoes.
He left a trail of sopping footprints behind him across the hardwood floors, which earned him an irritated scowl from the lady sitting behind the front desk. He bowed his head and muttered an apology, asking for directions and shuffling off as quick as he could, shoes squeaking all the way.
Kyungsoo, of course, was already there, waiting for him inside a cramped practice room with instruments tucked in one corner and mirrors lining the walls.
"Do you ever actually dress appropriately for anything?"
"Do you ever actually stop being a dick?"
Kyungsoo smiled and Baekhyun wanted to punch him.
"Since you'll automatically disagree with whatever I suggest, what kind of band do you think we should get?"
Flopped onto the floor, Baekhyun tugged busily at his shoelaces to undo them, flicking his fingers with a disgusted expression when he got mucky water on them, "Uh, I was thinking something like a swing band might be fun."
"A swing band? For a wedding?"
"Yeah."
"No."
"What?" Baekhyun frowned up at Kyungsoo, toeing off his shoes - his socks were just as wet, "Why not?"
"It's a wedding, Baekhyun," answered the man with arms folded across his chest, "It should be elegant."
"Well, what would you suggest, then?"
"A waltz."
"A waltz."
"Yes, a waltz. Elegant and appropriate, unlike swing."
"You just want to make this as boring as possible, don't you?" he grumbled, dragging himself up and frowning down at his feet at the slapping sound his soaked socks made. His toes were starting to itch from the rainwater.
"Waltzes are nice! They're perfectly enjoyable, just not as... temperamental as swing dancing."
"Oh, come on, Kyungsoo. How are you so god damn boring? No wonder you and Joonmyun are friends."
"Who even knows how to swing dance?"
"There are people!"
"See, you don't even know how!"
"What's your point?"
"Hardy anyone knows how to swing dance, is my point. Everyone knows how to waltz."
Baekhyun fidgeted his feet quietly, staring at the floor with a grumpy pout.
"... You can waltz, can't you Baekhyun?"
"It's an old people dance why would I know how to waltz I'm not a dancer I'm not an old people dancer I want to learn how to do the mamba not how to sleepwalk to classical music okay--"
"I'll teach you."
"What?"
"I'll teach you," Kyungsoo said again, his expression seeming to soften a bit, "Everyone should know how to waltz."
"It's for old people!"
His expression turned dead and soulless again - back to normal.
"Baekhyun?"
"Yeah?"
"Do me a favor."
"What?"
"Stop talking."
And with that Kyungsoo started off towards the door of the practice room, with a frantic Baekhyun pattering after him chirping out a string of wait where are you going come back we need to decide on a fucking band god damn it Kyungsoo you bitch patrol on wheels will you just--
"I told you to stop talking."
Wow. Who died and put dick-brows in charge?
"But--"
"I'm only going to the front desk. Relax."
Puffing out a soft oh, Baekhyun trailed after him silently.
Until they got to the front desk and Kyungsoo asked the lady to put on a waltz for them in practice room 6. In a panic Baekhyun tried to protest, only to have Kyungsoo's hand slap against his mouth and nose to effectively muffle anything he said. After a curt nod from the woman, Kyungsoo dragged him back into the practice room by the hood of his sweater.
"You're the girl," said Kyungsoo firmly with a hand on Baekhyun's waist.
"I don't wanna be the girl!" he wailed, trying desperately to wriggle free.
"You don't know how to do this," Kyungsoo adjusted his grip so that it was on Baekhyun's lower back and tugged him closer, their chests bumping, "And the man leads. So you're the girl."
Swallowing awkwardly and grumbling in defeat, Baekhyun scowled at Kyungsoo's hand a minute before begrudgingly placing his own on top. Just as Kyungsoo raised their hands up by their shoulders, there was a crackle of static and then music from the speakers.
"Shostakovich," murmured Kyungsoo approvingly, his breath puffing right into Baekhyun's face and making him frown, "a lovely choice. You step on your toes and move in a square shape, follow me."
There was tripping and bumping and sliding because of Baekhyun's wet socks, even the occasional squishing of toes, but by midway through the song he was already starting to get the hang of it.
His strides grew more confidant, the beginnings of a smile upturning the corners of his lips, and despite himself he actually admitted to enjoying the dance - internally, of course. Kyungsoo didn't deserve the satisfaction. Any satisfaction.
It was fun - only then suddenly he was falling, his feet scrambling for purchase on the smooth floors and his fingers clutching desperately at the other's shoulder for balance, but then everything stopped, and he was hovering a short ways from the ground and looking up he saw Kyungsoo grinning, his hand still firmly secured at Baekhyun's lower back.
"Did... did you just dip me?"
Kyungsoo's grin only broadened.
"I am Byun Baekhyun, and Byun Baekhyun does not get dipped!" he screeched as Kyungsoo pulled him back up, rightening both of their positions before continuing the waltz. Kyungsoo didn't miss a beat.
"You're the girl, and girls get dipped."
And before Baekhyun could protest he felt Kyungsoo shift forward again, forcing him to tip backwards accordingly in another dip - just to be an ass, probably. Baekhyun was already partway down before he had the chance to squirm, and even then it was hardly successful - he ended up jutting his hips forward to try and keep himself upright, his back already bent, and in his haste he slammed his crotch right into Kyungsoo's, who grunted in surprise.
Kyungsoo stumbled back and nearly dropped Baekhyun in the process, only tugging him up last second. Messily Baekhyun bumped into the other man, and being Byun Baekhyun, managed to carelessly grind against him in the process of trying to regain balance.
He sighed automatically at the friction, but there was Kyungsoo with his deer-in-headlights expression again only a few centimeters from Baekhyun's face, their bodies stiff and their hands clinging and grappling onto one another for balance. Shit.
The ever-smooth Baekhyun flapped his arms and tried to push Kyungsoo away, only Kyungsoo was the one holding up most of his body weight and so when he slipped, his wet socks dooming him, Kyungsoo tumbled right down too. They landed with a thud and a chorus of groans.
Baekhyun shifted first, whining and moaning and patting the back of his head gingerly when he propped himself up on an elbow. Kyungsoo began moving shortly after, picking himself up off Baekhyun enough to hover overtop on hands and knees - only as Kyungsoo went to shift one thigh it ended up pressing right against Baekhyun's crotch and he sucked in a sharp breath automatically.
It was only then that he realized how they were positioned. Kyungsoo was looming over him with a knee rutting against Baekhyun's dick, and Kyungsoo's lips were just close enough that he could lean forward and kiss him if he wanted - which he obviously didn't and he realized that all at once because Hella Ew Soo was far beyond punching proximity he was in fact within pinching proximity and--
"Oh, fuck," Kyungsoo was muttering, but his voice was suddenly low and raspy and it went straight to Baekhyun's cock despite himself and he had to bite his lip to keep quiet, skittering from underneath the other man as fast as he could.
He pulled his hoodie down below his belt and murmured a frantic something about Kyungsoo being right and going with the waltz, and without a second glance he scampered out the practice room and out the building and straight to his car, wet socks and all.
"I think I'm the only person," Baekhyun was muttering to himself, "who manages to get hard while dancing a waltz."
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): so i heard u have 2 left feet
11:25 Me: no shutup
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): i also heard u cant waltz
11:25 Me: i learned
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): I ALSO HEARD U WENT OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE U CRAWLED OUT A DUMPSTER THE OTHER DAY
11:28 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdouche): why are u taking so long to reply im trying to make fun of u what are u doing
11:28 Me: nothing
11:29 Me: also dont make fun of me you probably cant waltz either
11:29 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdouchewaffle): plz joonbug taught me how forever ago
11:31 Me: you have the grossest pet names
11:31 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdickhead): u know whats grosser
11:31 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdickbag): waltzing with kyungsoo
11:33 Me: omg
11:33 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdipshit): did u get all close
11:34 Me: WE WERE WALTZING WE HAD TO
11:34 Why do i talk to you (kim jongd): did u grind
11:36 Me: no
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongd): did u spring a boner
11:36 Me: fuck you
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): OMG U DID
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): did u jerk off in the bathroom or wat
11:37 Me: there was some fondling of the dumplings in the car BUT THATS ONLY BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT TIME CHANYEOL AND I HOOKED UP AND HE GOT ME OFF ON HIS ROOF
11:37 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): tmi
11:37 Me: you fucking knew that story already jongdae
11:37 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): DOESNT MEAN I WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN
11:38 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): also why do u call ur balls dumplings its so weird and disturbing
11:38 Me: because theyre my little dumplings
11:38 Me: i love my balls i love dumplings they look similar its a perfect nickname
11:38 Me: we can call yours the onion because theyre gross and make people cry
11:38 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): the onions
11:38 Me: no onion
11:38 Me: singular
11:39 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): but i have 2 balls
11:39 Me: yeah but youre you so you probably have like a uni-ball
11:39 Uni-ball: u have seen me naked baekhyun u have literally already seen my balls
11:39 Me:thats how i know
11:41 Me: <3
"Have the guests arrived?!"
"It's five hours early, Joonmyun, nobody's here yet except for us and the staff."
"Is all the food in place?!"
"It's being set up now."
"Did Jongdae remember to book the priest?!"
"No, but I took the liberty of doing it for him. He should be here in three hours."
"How's my hair?! Has the cake been delivered?! Will--"
Kyungsoo grabbed Joonmyun by the shoulders and gave him a stern shush, "Deep breaths, Joonmyun. Everything's fine. You look great, Jongdae looks better than usual, and everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. Calm down."
Joonmyun nodded, sighed, and was calm for about ten seconds before he saw someone misplacing a fork at a table and shuffled off in an angry huff. Kyungsoo shook his head and turned around, fidgeting with what looked like his tie in the hallway mirror.
Baekhyun, who had been watching while sucking a juice box, got up from his chair and shifted to stand beside Kyungsoo.
"Your tie's crooked."
After a second Baekhyun frowned impatiently, squinting at Kyungsoo's reflection, "don't ignore me."
"It's not crooked," Kyungsoo sighed, smoothing out his suit jacket.
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"It's clearly crooked."
"Baekhyun."
"Kyungsoo."
Kyungsoo turned around to properly glare at him. Baekhyun only raised an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest.
"Don't get me started on wardrobe choices today, Baekhyun."
"No kidding. All I said was that your tie is crooked - which it is. I wasn't even gonna mention how your pants are poorly hemmed."
"You're one to talk. Your pants don't even fit you properly."
"It's not my fault! I have honey thighs!"
"I wasn't talking about your thighs, you idiot, I was talking about your pants."
"Are you insulting my thighs?"
"Baekhyun, your pants--"
"I will crush your skull between my thighs, don't think I won't."
"You're impossible."
"You have an ugly tie! Like, beyond it being crooked - which it is!"
"Pinstripe is classy! At least I didn't show up in a tacky dotted suit!"
"My dotty suit is cute, you jackass!"
"Who wears dots on their wedding day, Byun Baek--"
"Excuse me," interrupted Jongdae, who was sitting a few tables away deconstructing finger sandwiches, "I thought Joonmyun and I were the ones getting married today."
Baekhyun's face began to heat, but when he glanced over to catch a glimpse of Kyungsoo, he was already red as a lobster.
"But let's be honest, you two don't even need to get married - you act like you are already, anyway," Jongdae continued with a laugh, "would you just go makeout in a closet or something for an hour? All the sexual tension is sort of grossing me out."
“There is no sexual tension,” Baekhyun said firmly, scowling at his friend. Jongdae snorted.
“Oh, none at all. That’s why you popped a boner while waltzing, right?”
“Uh, that was a perfectly natural reaction, Jongdae! When dicks touch they get excited and it’s perfectly natural and has nothing to do with Kyungsoo!”
“It’s okay, it’s mutual,” Jongdae went on, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head, “he wants to fondle your dumplings too.”
“Dumplings?”
“My balls,” Baekhyun explained with a dismissive flick of his fingers, only then he realized what Jongdae had said, “wait, you want to fondle my dumplings?!”
“I… don’t know about that, but I… am… rather fond of you… yes.”
“Oh. I uh… guess I… like you, too… I guess.”
“Oh my god, I didn’t sign up for a third grade soap opera on my wedding day. I’m leaving, goodbye.”
“I like you more, you know,” murmured Kyungsoo as they watched Jongdae patter off to find something else to destroy. He turned to look at Baekhyun with a mischievous smile.
Baekhyun grinned back.
“Nuh uh, I definitely like you more.”
“Lies. You care about yourself too much to like anybody else.”
“Nope! You rudely shoved yourself in underneath all my narcissism. I like you more.”
"Clearly you don't. You said my eyebrows looked like fuzzy dicks."
"But... but I love dicks."
Rating: PG 13
Side pairing/s: suchen
Length: 6276 words
Summary: Who even liked Kyungsoo, honestly? Definitely not Baekhyun - which made things problematic when their two bestfriends decided to get married.
Warning/s: n/a
Notes: Originally written for sooenaemoured exchange 2014.
Who even liked Kyungsoo, honestly?
He was such a bore. It's not like it was Baekhyun's fault that Kyungsoo had been the only other person in the room when he'd accidentally spilled coffee all over the boss' expensive suit jacket - who else was he supposed to blame?
Kyungsoo hadn't even gotten fired, so he really had nothing to whine about anyway.
"My conscience is clear!" Baekhyun announced firmly, throwing a dart towards the bulls-eye target across the room, but instead landing it in the drywall three inches to the left. Jongdae snorted from the couch behind him.
"Joonmyun said that Kyungsoo said you were immature and a nuance."
"Nuance?" Baekhyun frowned, closing one eye to aim for the target before throwing a second dart (he missed again), "He said I'm a nuance?"
"Joonmyun said it meant you were annoying."
"Annoying... oh! Nuisance! He must have said 'nuisance', right?" he turned around excitedly, a wide grin on his lips and third dart still in hand, eager to have guessed the correct word since this happened so often, what with Jongdae being a complete and total -- wait, nuisance?
"... He called me annoying?!"
Jongdae laughed evilly from his spot on the couch, digging through the bowl in his lap for more chips. When he spoke it was through a mouthful, "well, yeah. I mean, have you met yourself?"
"I am not annoying!" declared Baekhyun, throwing the dart at his friend for emphasis and pointedly ignoring the chorus of why did you do that oh my god Baekhyun that was my good arm both of my arms are good why did you do that oh my god why and accompanying whines.
"You're lucky my aim sucks. It was supposed to hit you in the face."
Oh my god Baekhyun you are literally the worst friend like no wonder everybody calls you annoying my face is too beautiful to be hit with tiny sharp missiles like have you SEEN my JAWLINE its perfect if you had my jawline instead of that squished chin of yours you would-
"Will you shut up and just tell me why you care about me and Kyungsoo?!"
"Oh," Jongdae's cheeks colored.
"Well?" he began to tap his foot impatiently, brow raised and hip cocked.
"Well uh... Joonmyun and I... Joonmyun proposed-"
"What?!"
"I know! And I said yes!"
"Oh my god!"
"I know!"
"Oh my god!"
"And you're my best friend so you're helping with the wedding!"
"Oh my god!"
"And Kyungsoo too!"
"Oh my-- wait, what?"
They paused their bouncing and flailing, Baekhyun's look of excitement turning to one of confusion. Jongdae's expression was still bright as ever.
"Yeah, he's Joonmyun's best friend."
"No..." Baekhyun whispered darkly, confusion turning to understanding turning to horror.
"So you two get to work together."
"No!"
His wailing was almost drowned out by Jongdae's menacing laughter.
"Baekhyun?"
"Yes, sir?"
"How did coffee get all over my suit jacket?"
"KYUNGSOO DID IT."
"I-- What?!"
The crisp autumn wind stung his eyes, making him have to nose his way further into the knit of his scarf.
"It's too cold," he grumbled, "I shouldn't have to be out in the cold."
"We're almost there," Jongdae assured him, tugging at his elbow insistently as they padded through the street. Baekhyun sighed and quickened his steps to keep from stumbling, painfully aware that they likely resembled a pair of penguins waddling around with their layers of sweaters and jackets and mittens and scarves to keep out the October chill. Joonmyun just couldn't have proposed in the summertime, could he?
By the time they finally reached the cafe, their cheeks were scarlet and their noses runny. Eagerly they shuffled inside, Baekhyun bumping around awkwardly in all the lumps of his clothes, and absentmindedly trailed after Jongdae as he focused on the more pressing issue of untangling his seemingly never ending scarf from around his neck.
"Oh, there you two are!" he could hear Joonmyun's sickeningly sincere voice say, followed by the wet sounds of a kiss. Baekhyun was still scowling down at his chest, face scrunched up in concentration as he attempted to dislodge the fabric zipped into his jacket.
"Sorry for being late, we got a little lost."
Baekhyun ignored the greetings, tugging at the ends of his scarf which refused to come free.
"Oh no, it's perfectly alright. Just fifteen minutes, it's nothing, dear."
Baekhyun tried not to gag. He decided he hated scarves from that point onward.
"We're here now, at least!"
He decided he also hated zippers.
"Hello, Jongdae. It's good to see you again."
Stupid fucking zipper--
"... And you, Baekhyun."
He froze then, eyes widening as he saw a hand reach toward him and gently tug the zipper down, freeing his scarf with ease. Glancing up through the mop of his mouse-colored hair, he saw Kyungsoo leaning over to him, fingers still on his zipper.
Kyungsoo smirked, Jongdae snorted.
"... Thanks."
Clearing his throat, Baekhyun nodded curtly towards Joonmyun and more stiffly to Kyungsoo, slipping into the booth and pressing himself against the window. He tried to ignore the heat flushing in his cheeks.
"Thank you both so much for coming and agreeing to help!" Joonmyun began after they'd ordered coffee and pastries, "we have a lot to do. I was thinking that we could decorate the entire ballroom with white lilies! And maybe even a few--" How boring.
Craning his neck, Baekhyun tried to get a glimpse of what the waitress was doing. They'd gotten their coffee already, but he was much more interested in the arrival of his carrot cake.
In truth Baekhyun had never particularly liked weddings, and although he'd never even attended one before, he did love a good party - which was what he planned to turn this wedding into. If it was left up to Joonmyun The Senior and Jongdae The Toddler it'd probably end up closer to a funeral than a wedding - only with a coloring table for Jongdae in the corner. Baekhyun wouldn't be surprised if Jongdae gave his fiance an onion ring instead of an actual wedding band on the big day.
"What do you think, Baekhyun?"
"Huh?" Baekhyun blinked into focus, staring a very eager looking Joonmyun in the eyes.
"What do you think should be top priority. You know," answered Kyungsoo, "for the wedding you agreed to help plan?"
Wow. Dick.
After throwing an impatient glare at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun turned back to the other two, "Uh--"
Only then he saw the waitress walking towards their booth.
"Cake!" he exclaimed, tossing his arms up excitedly.
"Oh, good thinking, Baekhyun! What kind of cake should we have?!" Joonmyun gushed, "We could have a giant vanilla one, or-"
"A strawberry shortcake?!"
"Yes, dear, even better thinking! We could spell out 'love' with strawberries on the top, and our names in pink frosting, and-"
Baekhyun pretended that it hadn't been his carrot cake he had exclaimed excitedly about.
"Your relationship is basically illegal."
"What? Why?!"
"Because he's basically ninety and you're basically six."
"I'll have you know he says my child-like free spirit is endearing. And he's only a few years older than I am!"
"You say this now, but just wait until you'll have to do old people things with him."
"He's not old!"
"What if he wears diapers?"
"Joonmyun doesn't wear a diaper, Baekhyun, oh my god."
"But what if he does? Are you prepared to deal with diapers, Jongdae? Big floppy old people diapers?"
"He doesn't--"
"What if he just acts old because he has like, an old person fetish."
"Baekh--"
"What if he's into diaper kink?"
"..."
"So, Joonmyun is calling another wedding planner meeting."
Baekhyun incoherently groaned for three and a half minutes. Jongdae eventually just talked over him.
"Only this time he's not coming, he's got a paperwork to do or something."
Baekhyun's groaning raised in pitch and transformed into a happy sounding hum, only with question marks - so like a ughughhhhh-hmm!?
"Yeah, thought you'd like to hear that... Only I can't make it either because I have a yoga class and you know how I can't miss those because I have such high tension and all so it'll just be you and Kyungsoo make sure to meet him at the cafe again in fifteen and don't be late because apparently he hates that okay good luck I'm off to yoga love you bye~"
Before Baekhyun could even righten himself from laying face down on the couch he heard the door slam; and Jongdae was gone. He scowled at the empty space where his best friend had just been mere seconds ago.
"Yoga? Yoga!?" Baekhyun mumbled incredulously, looking at the ticking clock on the wall, "Yoga my ass!"
He dragged himself up off the couch.
"Jongdae doesn't even have high tension."
He stomped into his bedroom.
"He told me he signed up for yoga so he could be more flexible."
He swung open his closet door and rummaged for a sweater.
"Not even because he wanted to be healthier!"
Were all his sweaters dirty?
"He just wanted to do that one god awful circus sex position with Joonmyun!"
Underneath a pile of t shirts he found a clean sweater. He clutched it in his fingers, frowning down at the laundry-fresh fabric for a few moments. Then he tossed it onto his bed and got a dirty one anyway. Kyungsoo didn't deserve a clean sweater.
Baekhyun grumpily marched out of his apartment a few minutes later, looked at his watch while he was locking the front door, and then strode back in and waited another ten before he left again. Kyungsoo didn't deserve punctuality, either.
Just before he left - actually left - he quickly swiped his sunglasses off the shelf. He might look vaguely homeless, sporting a worn gray sweater and tattered jeans, but he would be fashionably vaguely homeless, damn it.
He regretted choosing the fashionably vaguely homeless look as soon as he stepped outside into the evening chill of autumn.
He regretted the sunglasses as soon as he tripped over a curb and was nearly hit by a car because he couldn't see anything in the dim evening light.
He blamed Kyungsoo for both his coldness and his near death experience.
By the time he reached the cafe, he was freezing and his knees stung from where the wind slapped at his skin through the holes in his jeans. The bell that hung from the doorframe jingled merrily when he pushed his way inside - Baekhyun wanted to destroy it.
"Ah, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo greeted upon seeing him, but Baekhyun was too busy glaring venomously up at the bell to bother, "... Don't you look nice."
Swinging his head around, he noticed Kyungsoo looking him up and down and pointedly snickering at his wardrobe.
"Very appropriate for the weather."
"I'm fashionable."
"You look like you climbed out of a dumpster."
"Uh, I look like I fashionably climbed out of a fashionable dumpster, Kyungsoo, please."
"Right. Let's just sit down."
They went to a booth a short ways from the cafe's entrance, and Baekhyun slid into the seat across from Kyungsoo.
"So, uhm... Joonmyun left me... quite a bit of... notes..."
"Can we ignore them?"
"I think that would be best, yes."
Kyungsoo shoved the clump of papers to the other side of the table, nodding politely to the waitress who had stopped to take their orders. Kyungsoo asked for a coffee, black, while Baekhyun ordered more carrot cake.
"The first thing Joonmyun wanted us to take care of was a general color scheme. I was thinking a traditional eggshell white--"
"Eggshell white?" Baekhyun's face scrunched up in disgust, "It should obviously be off-white."
Eggshell white. Who even used eggshell white?
"Baekhyun, please, we need to be serious here. Eggshell white with an ivory finish."
"Ew. Off-white with a champagne trim."
"Champagne is a drink, Baekhyun."
"And a color! And don't you 'Baekhyun' me in that tone of voice."
"We'll be serving champagne, not coloring the tapestries with it."
"Uh, no, we'll be serving white wine. Much classier."
"You can't even dress yourself, how do you expect to design a wedding?"
Baekhyun paused, still midway through shoving a generous helping of carrot cake into his mouth. He stared at Kyungsoo in bewilderment as a tense, silent moment passed them.
"You may as well have come in a trash bag, since the look you were apparently going for was garbage," Kyungsoo went on, leaning back in his seat and raising a defiant brow.
Baekhyun dropped his fork and Kyungsoo pressed the lip of his coffee mug to his mouth with a smirk.
Oh, he did not.
"I'm perfectly fashionable!"
"Uh huh."
"Don't you 'uh huh' me you walking bag of dicks! Who the hell wears a puffy astronaut coat in autumn?! Who wears a puffy astronaut coat at all?"
"At least I can dress for the weather! Your outfit's filthy and covered in holes."
"You didn't deserve a clean sweater!"
"I-- What?"
"I almost got hit by a car because of you!"
"How is your idiocy my fault?!"
"I could have died, Kyungsoo."
"Oh, what a tragedy that would have been."
"Your eyebrows look like fuzzy dicks on your face!" Baekhyun exclaimed, stabbing his fork into the wooden tabletop for emphasis.
Kyungsoo choked on his coffee.
21:44 Me: kyungsoo is color blind
21:45 Me: he wanted the color scheme of the wedding to be eggshell white and ivory
21:45 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): oh
21:45 Me: i said off white with champagne
21:47 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): i see
21:47 Me: what do you think
21:47 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): arent those all white
21:48 Me: yes but which KIND of white do you want for your wedding jongdae
21:48 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): cum
21:48 Me: omfg
21:48 Me: you want your wedding to be cum colored
21:49 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): yes
21:50 Me: this is why youre saved as jongdumb on my phone
21:51 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): wait u said u changed that
21:51 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): o btw joonbug is gonna text u rn
21:51 Me: why
21:52 Diaper kink: Hey there Baekhyun !! im gonna give you Kyungsoo's number, alright??? that way it will be easier for you two to contact each other to make plans!! ^^
21:53 Me: great
Baekhyun showed up for the cake testing in a black suit and a white speckled bowtie.
Everyone else showed up in cardigans and pullovers - save for Joonmyun, who always wore ugly, pastel colored polo shirts.
Baekhyun sauntered into the empty bakery without missing a step, bending over when he passed Kyungsoo to whisper fashion into his ear before taking his readied seat across the table. It took Joonmyun a total of three seconds before he started emotionally gushing about cake, but this was a topic Baekhyun was an expert on.
"We've already tasted a good deal of flavors," Joonmyun began, flapping his hands around for emphasis, "and we came down to two final options. We can't decide between the two - so that's why you're both here!"
"What are the flavors?" Kyungsoo asked with an annoyingly high amount of interest in his annoyingly annoying tone of voice. Baekhyun scoffed.
Joonmyun looked like he was about to cry - which Jongdae had always assured him was just the guy's excited expression.
"Jongdae, fetch the samples, sweetheart!"
Jongdae was busily pushing straws into his mouth so that he resembled a walrus.
"I'll bring them, it's alright," Kyungsoo said with a smile, starting to get up from his seat.
Oh no you don't, dick-brows.
Standing up suddenly and sending his chair screeching behind him, Baekhyun squinted with suspicion at Kyungsoo.
"I'll help you," he said slowly, accusingly.
Kyungsoo grumpily stared back, clearly unamused - but really, when was Kyungsoo ever amused to begin with?
Jongdae blinked owlishly between them, straws still secured between his upper lip and his teeth. He jerked a thumb backwards towards the bakery's kitchen.
Stalking off with Baekhyun in tow, Kyungsoo led them into the kitchen area where the baker had left the samples. They barely managed to get through the swinging doors before Kyungsoo had spun around, poking a finger at Baekhyun's nose.
"Just what is your problem?!"
Baekhyun stared at the finger in his face, cross-eyed, for a few seconds. Then, with an angry swat, he shoved the other man's hand away and retorted with a glare, "you are my problem."
"Look, I know you don't like me--"
"I hate you."
"-- but are you really immature enough to let your feelings towards me get in the way of your best friend's wedding? His happiness?"
"Yes."
"Oh my god."
With an impatient sigh Kyungsoo rubbed at his temples, taking a deep breath before looking back at Baekhyun, "Fine. Let's just get the cakes and get this over with."
Just as Kyungsoo turned and went to reach for a pretty vanilla cake with pink frosting sitting on the counter, Baekhyun hip checked him aside and reached to pick it up first - only he shoved Kyungsoo a bit too hard and sent the other tripping into a rack of hanging pots and pans.
"Do you do things just for the sake of disrupting me?" Kyungsoo grunted over the clatter of metal, frantically trying to keep things from falling.
"Only sometimes."
"You're insufferable."
"You're ugly."
Baekhyun shrieked in surprise when Kyungsoo thwacked him in the cheek with a wooden spoon, nearly dropping the cake in the process.
"My beautiful face!"
"You look like a ten year old."
"It's cute, shut up!" Baekhyun wailed, swinging his head around to glare daggers at Kyungsoo, one hand balancing the cake and the other rubbing at his reddening cheek. He glanced down at the cake in his hand then back to the other man, who was tapping the wooden spoon against the back of his knuckle with a smug smile.
With gaze narrowed Baekhyun lowered his hand from his face, locking eyes with Kyungsoo as he hovered his palm above the edge of the cake.
"Don't you dare, Byun Baekhyun. That isn't even our--"
Kyungsoo was cut off when Baekhyun smooshed a handful of dessert into his face, making sure to rub it all along his cheek and chin. When he pulled his hand away Kyungsoo looked livid.
"Now nobody has to look at your eyebrows," Baekhyun said with a laugh, licking off the stray bits of icing from his fingertips.
Kyungsoo gently tossed the wooden spoon onto the counter, Baekhyun's gaze following the utensil as it slid across the marble by his hip and hit the the wall, fingers still between his lips, and only noticed Kyungsoo right in front of him when it was far too late.
One hand grabbing at Baekhyun's wrist while the other gripped at the back of his head, Kyungsoo forced Baekhyun's head down just as he forced his wrist up, effectively slamming Baekhyun's face into the center of the cake. He whined into the frosting.
When the back of his neck was finally released Baekhyun bobbed his head up to suck in a breath, blinking and having to squint with all the bits of cake in his eyes - but Kyungsoo was one step ahead of him, and shoved another handful of cake into his face.
He stumbled back, trying to escape the ruthless force squishing frosting onto his nose, but didn't get far before the back of his waist bumped into the counter, his lips parting with a startled squeak. Squirming left and right didn't help now that he was trapped, and out of a desperate knee-jerk reaction he ended up licking Kyungsoo's fingers into his mouth, tonguing at them to create the ultimate gross sensation so that he would be freed.
Unfortunately he tasted cake before he realized he had half of Kyungsoo's - no sense of humor KyungEw's - hand in his mouth.
"It's carrot cake!" he tried to chirp, only it came out more as a issth cawwoht cakk instead. He tongued at the pads of Kyungsoo's fingers, trying to suck off as much of the frosting as possible.
Baekhyun didn't even get a chance to register Kyungsoo's look of horror before Joonmyun poked his head into the kitchen, halfway through mumbling something about all the noise, when Joonmyun froze, jaw hanging open.
Glancing from Joonmyun to Kyungsoo in front of him, Baekhyun stiffened. Kyungsoo's eyes were wide like a deer in headlights, his pale skin dusted in pink where it wasn't covered in frosting.
Then Baekhyun realized he was essentially suckling at his worst enemy's hands.
Jerkily yanking Kyungsoo's wrist to tug the man's fingers out of his mouth, Baekhyun cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Uhm, I think I like the vanilla one better."
He decided he didn't like carrot cake anymore.
17:02 Me hey
17:02 Melook i'm sorry ok
17:02 Me you were right i am being immature
17:03 Me joonmyun looked really sad today about the cake and jongdae did too... so can we just pull it together for them
17:04 Ew No.
17:04 Me what why
17:04 Ew You're incredibly annoying.
17:04 Me WOW
17:07 Me fine you douche
17:08 Hella Ew You started it.
17:08 Me ass
17:08 Hella Ew Baby.
17:08 Me gross don't call me pet names
17:10 Hella Ew I MEANT THAT IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ARE CHILDISH DONT PLAY WITH MY WORDS BYUN BAEKHYUN
17:10 Me don't worry i'd never play with anything of yours
17:10 Hella Ew Are you implying something sexual?
17:10 Me yes
17:11 Hella Ew Why are you like this?
Hopping out of his car and directly into a puddle, Baekhyun took it as an omen for the disasters that were sure to greet him that afternoon.
Ahead of him was a quaint looking studio with a big sign that read JJANGU MONGGU'S TANGO TONGU and in tinier cursive letters underneath THE ART OF MUSIC & DANCE.
"What the fuck."
Baekhyun wasn't sure how Joonmyun had managed to find such an incredibly lame sounding company to do the music for the wedding, but at least it didn't look busy. Pulling the drawstrings of his hoodie and nuzzling into the fabric with a huff, Baekhyun walked inside, his every step accented with a squelching sound from his wet shoes.
He left a trail of sopping footprints behind him across the hardwood floors, which earned him an irritated scowl from the lady sitting behind the front desk. He bowed his head and muttered an apology, asking for directions and shuffling off as quick as he could, shoes squeaking all the way.
Kyungsoo, of course, was already there, waiting for him inside a cramped practice room with instruments tucked in one corner and mirrors lining the walls.
"Do you ever actually dress appropriately for anything?"
"Do you ever actually stop being a dick?"
Kyungsoo smiled and Baekhyun wanted to punch him.
"Since you'll automatically disagree with whatever I suggest, what kind of band do you think we should get?"
Flopped onto the floor, Baekhyun tugged busily at his shoelaces to undo them, flicking his fingers with a disgusted expression when he got mucky water on them, "Uh, I was thinking something like a swing band might be fun."
"A swing band? For a wedding?"
"Yeah."
"No."
"What?" Baekhyun frowned up at Kyungsoo, toeing off his shoes - his socks were just as wet, "Why not?"
"It's a wedding, Baekhyun," answered the man with arms folded across his chest, "It should be elegant."
"Well, what would you suggest, then?"
"A waltz."
"A waltz."
"Yes, a waltz. Elegant and appropriate, unlike swing."
"You just want to make this as boring as possible, don't you?" he grumbled, dragging himself up and frowning down at his feet at the slapping sound his soaked socks made. His toes were starting to itch from the rainwater.
"Waltzes are nice! They're perfectly enjoyable, just not as... temperamental as swing dancing."
"Oh, come on, Kyungsoo. How are you so god damn boring? No wonder you and Joonmyun are friends."
"Who even knows how to swing dance?"
"There are people!"
"See, you don't even know how!"
"What's your point?"
"Hardy anyone knows how to swing dance, is my point. Everyone knows how to waltz."
Baekhyun fidgeted his feet quietly, staring at the floor with a grumpy pout.
"... You can waltz, can't you Baekhyun?"
"It's an old people dance why would I know how to waltz I'm not a dancer I'm not an old people dancer I want to learn how to do the mamba not how to sleepwalk to classical music okay--"
"I'll teach you."
"What?"
"I'll teach you," Kyungsoo said again, his expression seeming to soften a bit, "Everyone should know how to waltz."
"It's for old people!"
His expression turned dead and soulless again - back to normal.
"Baekhyun?"
"Yeah?"
"Do me a favor."
"What?"
"Stop talking."
And with that Kyungsoo started off towards the door of the practice room, with a frantic Baekhyun pattering after him chirping out a string of wait where are you going come back we need to decide on a fucking band god damn it Kyungsoo you bitch patrol on wheels will you just--
"I told you to stop talking."
Wow. Who died and put dick-brows in charge?
"But--"
"I'm only going to the front desk. Relax."
Puffing out a soft oh, Baekhyun trailed after him silently.
Until they got to the front desk and Kyungsoo asked the lady to put on a waltz for them in practice room 6. In a panic Baekhyun tried to protest, only to have Kyungsoo's hand slap against his mouth and nose to effectively muffle anything he said. After a curt nod from the woman, Kyungsoo dragged him back into the practice room by the hood of his sweater.
"You're the girl," said Kyungsoo firmly with a hand on Baekhyun's waist.
"I don't wanna be the girl!" he wailed, trying desperately to wriggle free.
"You don't know how to do this," Kyungsoo adjusted his grip so that it was on Baekhyun's lower back and tugged him closer, their chests bumping, "And the man leads. So you're the girl."
Swallowing awkwardly and grumbling in defeat, Baekhyun scowled at Kyungsoo's hand a minute before begrudgingly placing his own on top. Just as Kyungsoo raised their hands up by their shoulders, there was a crackle of static and then music from the speakers.
"Shostakovich," murmured Kyungsoo approvingly, his breath puffing right into Baekhyun's face and making him frown, "a lovely choice. You step on your toes and move in a square shape, follow me."
There was tripping and bumping and sliding because of Baekhyun's wet socks, even the occasional squishing of toes, but by midway through the song he was already starting to get the hang of it.
His strides grew more confidant, the beginnings of a smile upturning the corners of his lips, and despite himself he actually admitted to enjoying the dance - internally, of course. Kyungsoo didn't deserve the satisfaction. Any satisfaction.
It was fun - only then suddenly he was falling, his feet scrambling for purchase on the smooth floors and his fingers clutching desperately at the other's shoulder for balance, but then everything stopped, and he was hovering a short ways from the ground and looking up he saw Kyungsoo grinning, his hand still firmly secured at Baekhyun's lower back.
"Did... did you just dip me?"
Kyungsoo's grin only broadened.
"I am Byun Baekhyun, and Byun Baekhyun does not get dipped!" he screeched as Kyungsoo pulled him back up, rightening both of their positions before continuing the waltz. Kyungsoo didn't miss a beat.
"You're the girl, and girls get dipped."
And before Baekhyun could protest he felt Kyungsoo shift forward again, forcing him to tip backwards accordingly in another dip - just to be an ass, probably. Baekhyun was already partway down before he had the chance to squirm, and even then it was hardly successful - he ended up jutting his hips forward to try and keep himself upright, his back already bent, and in his haste he slammed his crotch right into Kyungsoo's, who grunted in surprise.
Kyungsoo stumbled back and nearly dropped Baekhyun in the process, only tugging him up last second. Messily Baekhyun bumped into the other man, and being Byun Baekhyun, managed to carelessly grind against him in the process of trying to regain balance.
He sighed automatically at the friction, but there was Kyungsoo with his deer-in-headlights expression again only a few centimeters from Baekhyun's face, their bodies stiff and their hands clinging and grappling onto one another for balance. Shit.
The ever-smooth Baekhyun flapped his arms and tried to push Kyungsoo away, only Kyungsoo was the one holding up most of his body weight and so when he slipped, his wet socks dooming him, Kyungsoo tumbled right down too. They landed with a thud and a chorus of groans.
Baekhyun shifted first, whining and moaning and patting the back of his head gingerly when he propped himself up on an elbow. Kyungsoo began moving shortly after, picking himself up off Baekhyun enough to hover overtop on hands and knees - only as Kyungsoo went to shift one thigh it ended up pressing right against Baekhyun's crotch and he sucked in a sharp breath automatically.
It was only then that he realized how they were positioned. Kyungsoo was looming over him with a knee rutting against Baekhyun's dick, and Kyungsoo's lips were just close enough that he could lean forward and kiss him if he wanted - which he obviously didn't and he realized that all at once because Hella Ew Soo was far beyond punching proximity he was in fact within pinching proximity and--
"Oh, fuck," Kyungsoo was muttering, but his voice was suddenly low and raspy and it went straight to Baekhyun's cock despite himself and he had to bite his lip to keep quiet, skittering from underneath the other man as fast as he could.
He pulled his hoodie down below his belt and murmured a frantic something about Kyungsoo being right and going with the waltz, and without a second glance he scampered out the practice room and out the building and straight to his car, wet socks and all.
"I think I'm the only person," Baekhyun was muttering to himself, "who manages to get hard while dancing a waltz."
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): so i heard u have 2 left feet
11:25 Me: no shutup
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): i also heard u cant waltz
11:25 Me: i learned
11:25 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdumb): I ALSO HEARD U WENT OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE U CRAWLED OUT A DUMPSTER THE OTHER DAY
11:28 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdouche): why are u taking so long to reply im trying to make fun of u what are u doing
11:28 Me: nothing
11:29 Me: also dont make fun of me you probably cant waltz either
11:29 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdouchewaffle): plz joonbug taught me how forever ago
11:31 Me: you have the grossest pet names
11:31 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdickhead): u know whats grosser
11:31 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdickbag): waltzing with kyungsoo
11:33 Me: omg
11:33 Why do i talk to you (kim jongdipshit): did u get all close
11:34 Me: WE WERE WALTZING WE HAD TO
11:34 Why do i talk to you (kim jongd): did u grind
11:36 Me: no
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongd): did u spring a boner
11:36 Me: fuck you
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): OMG U DID
11:36 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): did u jerk off in the bathroom or wat
11:37 Me: there was some fondling of the dumplings in the car BUT THATS ONLY BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT TIME CHANYEOL AND I HOOKED UP AND HE GOT ME OFF ON HIS ROOF
11:37 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): tmi
11:37 Me: you fucking knew that story already jongdae
11:37 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): DOESNT MEAN I WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN
11:38 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): also why do u call ur balls dumplings its so weird and disturbing
11:38 Me: because theyre my little dumplings
11:38 Me: i love my balls i love dumplings they look similar its a perfect nickname
11:38 Me: we can call yours the onion because theyre gross and make people cry
11:38 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): the onions
11:38 Me: no onion
11:38 Me: singular
11:39 Why do i talk to you (kim jongo fuck yourself): but i have 2 balls
11:39 Me: yeah but youre you so you probably have like a uni-ball
11:39 Uni-ball: u have seen me naked baekhyun u have literally already seen my balls
11:39 Me:thats how i know
11:41 Me: <3
"Have the guests arrived?!"
"It's five hours early, Joonmyun, nobody's here yet except for us and the staff."
"Is all the food in place?!"
"It's being set up now."
"Did Jongdae remember to book the priest?!"
"No, but I took the liberty of doing it for him. He should be here in three hours."
"How's my hair?! Has the cake been delivered?! Will--"
Kyungsoo grabbed Joonmyun by the shoulders and gave him a stern shush, "Deep breaths, Joonmyun. Everything's fine. You look great, Jongdae looks better than usual, and everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. Calm down."
Joonmyun nodded, sighed, and was calm for about ten seconds before he saw someone misplacing a fork at a table and shuffled off in an angry huff. Kyungsoo shook his head and turned around, fidgeting with what looked like his tie in the hallway mirror.
Baekhyun, who had been watching while sucking a juice box, got up from his chair and shifted to stand beside Kyungsoo.
"Your tie's crooked."
After a second Baekhyun frowned impatiently, squinting at Kyungsoo's reflection, "don't ignore me."
"It's not crooked," Kyungsoo sighed, smoothing out his suit jacket.
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"It's clearly crooked."
"Baekhyun."
"Kyungsoo."
Kyungsoo turned around to properly glare at him. Baekhyun only raised an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest.
"Don't get me started on wardrobe choices today, Baekhyun."
"No kidding. All I said was that your tie is crooked - which it is. I wasn't even gonna mention how your pants are poorly hemmed."
"You're one to talk. Your pants don't even fit you properly."
"It's not my fault! I have honey thighs!"
"I wasn't talking about your thighs, you idiot, I was talking about your pants."
"Are you insulting my thighs?"
"Baekhyun, your pants--"
"I will crush your skull between my thighs, don't think I won't."
"You're impossible."
"You have an ugly tie! Like, beyond it being crooked - which it is!"
"Pinstripe is classy! At least I didn't show up in a tacky dotted suit!"
"My dotty suit is cute, you jackass!"
"Who wears dots on their wedding day, Byun Baek--"
"Excuse me," interrupted Jongdae, who was sitting a few tables away deconstructing finger sandwiches, "I thought Joonmyun and I were the ones getting married today."
Baekhyun's face began to heat, but when he glanced over to catch a glimpse of Kyungsoo, he was already red as a lobster.
"But let's be honest, you two don't even need to get married - you act like you are already, anyway," Jongdae continued with a laugh, "would you just go makeout in a closet or something for an hour? All the sexual tension is sort of grossing me out."
“There is no sexual tension,” Baekhyun said firmly, scowling at his friend. Jongdae snorted.
“Oh, none at all. That’s why you popped a boner while waltzing, right?”
“Uh, that was a perfectly natural reaction, Jongdae! When dicks touch they get excited and it’s perfectly natural and has nothing to do with Kyungsoo!”
“It’s okay, it’s mutual,” Jongdae went on, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head, “he wants to fondle your dumplings too.”
“Dumplings?”
“My balls,” Baekhyun explained with a dismissive flick of his fingers, only then he realized what Jongdae had said, “wait, you want to fondle my dumplings?!”
“I… don’t know about that, but I… am… rather fond of you… yes.”
“Oh. I uh… guess I… like you, too… I guess.”
“Oh my god, I didn’t sign up for a third grade soap opera on my wedding day. I’m leaving, goodbye.”
“I like you more, you know,” murmured Kyungsoo as they watched Jongdae patter off to find something else to destroy. He turned to look at Baekhyun with a mischievous smile.
Baekhyun grinned back.
“Nuh uh, I definitely like you more.”
“Lies. You care about yourself too much to like anybody else.”
“Nope! You rudely shoved yourself in underneath all my narcissism. I like you more.”
"Clearly you don't. You said my eyebrows looked like fuzzy dicks."
"But... but I love dicks."