pikasu
in
crosswards
[FIC]untold
title: untold
author: pikasu
length: oneshot
rating: pg-13
genre: romance, angst
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
summary: everyone has stories they never tell the world.
Everyone has stories they never tell the world.
The lady with her groceries slung across her shoulder, standing precariously beside you may have lost her children in a fire. That teenager bobbing along with his music might have been scolded by his teacher a few hours back. The man with green hair in front of you may have won the lottery when he was twenty. It's all possible. But you'll never know. Because they'll never say a single word to you. Because they are strangers. And because you are going to forget about them once this bus stops and you alight.
So you may not know how that lady with her groceries fell into depression and cried so badly when she had lost her children, and you may not know how that teenager nearly threw a chair at his teacher. You will definitely never find out how that man with the green hair donated all his winnings to charity, and you will never know how some of the people around you may be having the worst day of their life. But if you look closely enough at their faces, you may spot something a little off about the man with the chestnut brown hair and earphones dangling from his ears, sitting at the third seat from the back. You may notice how his eyes glisten a little too bright, perhaps glazed with tears, and you may notice how he occasionally chews on his lips while he casts a glance outside the window. You may guess, then, that perhaps he is trying to hold everything in. You may wonder, if there is a story untold, behind the uncertain, glazed eyes and the music blasting from his earphones.
And there really is a story. There's a story behind why he is on this bus, and why he is listening to something with his earphones. There's a story behind this man with distant eyes and the ghost of a smile on his face. There's a story behind him, Kim Jaejoong, and how he fell in love.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong's known Yunho ever since they were little and shoving each other to the ground because the other stole the red crayon during 'colour time'. Jaejoong spends his free time with Yunho, and Yunho spends all his time with Jaejoong. There's nothing else in between them, or so they believed. We're best friends forever, Yunho tells him on a high school weekday. Jaejoong ignores a faint stab piercing through his heart, and smiles lazily instead. Yes, you asshole. You better not leave me for someone else, he says. Jaejoong punches him across the shoulder, lightly. Yunho laughs; it grates silently against Jaejoong's heart, so he barely manages to hold his smile.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Yunho gets a girlfriend at the end of their senior year. She has huge eyes and a mop of chestnut brown hair that skims across her shoulders; a smile that made you feel as if you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. After school, they sit by the bench and send playful nudges and soft touches to each other, like how Jaejoong did with Yunho in the past. Yunho also steals time during lunch to escape with her to the furthest corner of the school, where Jaejoong used to lie at and simply watch the clouds drift by, with Yunho's hand enveloped against his own. At night, Yunho is with Jaejoong again. But this time he tells Jaejoong not about how difficult the homework for that day had been and not about how Jaejoong looked a little prettier that day (to which Yunho receives a hard smack across his shoulder and a huge flush across Jaejoong's face). Instead, it is about how beautiful and wonderful she is and how she's so kind and so selfless and so herself that he can't help but fall a little deeper.
Jaejoong seals his lips then, and smiles softly in response. Inside, he knows that no matter how much Yunho loves her, she'll never be as beautiful or as wonderful as he is.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong decides to work for a year after they graduate from high school. He enters college a year later only to find Yunho encircled by a group of people. They're his friends, Yunho tells Jaejoong, and he introduces them one after the other just for Jaejoong. Jaejoong does not remember a single one of their names, and shoots them a glare when they are not looking.
They share a room at the dorm now, and Jaejoong's happy with that. But when Yunho's friends drop by every single day and take up his bed and his Yunho, Jaejoong doesn't think he is that happy after all. Every other day, it is Yunho they drag to the bars and it is Jaejoong they leave behind, because Jaejoong's the 'strange kid' that's a year behind them. Yunho only smiles apologetically, and promises to make it up to him on the days he is free. But Jaejoong knows that there's never a day that Yunho's going to be free. He keeps mum about it though, and smiles everything away.
It is during the exam period when Yunho locks himself up in their room and studies, because he's not going to get promoted if he doesn't try hard. Yunho's never had a flair for academics after all. He studies and studies so hard he barely talks to Jaejoong anymore. Jaejoong knows it's needed, but he cannot help but think about the time when there had been nothing in between them. Yunho had been his, and only his.
Jaejoong feeds him a pill and gives him a glass of water the night before the exams, and Yunho smiles appreciatively at him. He's going to need it to soothe his migraine after all. Jaejoong merely beams, and pats him on the shoulder.
The next day, Yunho oversleeps, and he misses the exams. He gets held back a year.
Well, at least we'll be together, Yunho mutters jokingly in between tears, as he buries himself against Jaejoong's shoulder the night he receives the news.
Jaejoong nods once, and softly strokes Yunho's hair. Yeah, we'll be together, he says shakily. Unconsciously, he shoves the packet of pills deeper into his pocket, ignoring how the indentations of the words, 'sleeping pills', scrawled onto the packet starts to rub persistently against his fingertips.
They spend the next year together, and for once there is nothing between Jaejoong and Yunho again.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
After they graduate, Yunho decides to leave for Japan to pursue his studies. He doesn't tell Jaejoong, because he knows how his resolve is going to crumble if he does, and he knows that he's going to break down. They're too close for goodbyes after all, and so Yunho doesn't. Instead, he takes off for Japan with nothing but his passport, and leaves behind nothing but a message on the phone for Jaejoong.
The phone beeps once, twice, and there is static before Yunho's voice is heard.
''Jae...I'll - When you hear this, I'll probably be gone - no, don't panic, I'm safe, I'm alive. But Jae, you know how I always said I wanted to live in somewhere else other than Seoul? I - I'm going to Japan. It's a good place - I'll be fine, don't worry... But Jae, you know - I - we've been friends for so long, and I didn't - I didn't want us to end like that, just because we're distances apart. So...wait for me okay? I - I love you, Jae. You'll always be my best friend, forever.”
Jaejoong cries after the last beep is heard. He cries and cries until there's nothing left of him but his broken self. Then, he continues with his work, except this time he spends nothing and instead saves everything up, all for a one-way ticket to Japan.
Jaejoong saves Yunho's message into his phone, and plays it at night until he falls asleep. Then he saves it into his iPod, and plays it during the day until it's night, and then he plays it again while he sleeps.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
When Jaejoong arrives at Japan, he immediately sets off to find Yunho. He's gotten an address from Yunho's parents, so it comes to a shock when the door opens and he comes face to face with a woman instead.
Yunho appears by the door awhile later, and from their matching rings on their middle finger, there is nothing else to be said.
Jaejoong makes a quick bow, and mumbles a soft 'Congratulations' before he dashes off, fast enough for him to get away but slow enough for his tears to connect with Yunho's doorstep.
Jaejoong realizes how it's been so many years since he's fallen in love, and he isn't sure if the falling's over yet. But then he sees Yunho in a suit and a ring around his fourth finger and a woman beside him hidden in a veil, and he knows that Yunho's never going to be his. So he wipes away his tears and mulls over the thought of giving him up, in unfamiliar Japan on a hotel bed that smelt too much like Yunho's apartment.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong returns the day after, and this time he is all smiles. Yunho is more than happy to see him again, and they share such a bone-crushing hug, Jaejoong almost believed that things were back to normal again. But the ring around Yunho's finger always served as a reminder for Jaejoong, that Yunho's never going to love him. He clutches on a little tighter.
It's a month later that his fiancee discovers lipstick stains on Yunho's suit and little slips of paper tucked in his pockets with numbers scrawled on them. Then she finds messages in his phone and the foreign scent of perfume wafting in their house. So it comes to no surprise when Jaejoong finds himself with a sobbing Yunho on his shoulder weeks later, and a ring flushed down the sink.
He throws away the used tubes of lipstick and perfume, and a tattered notebook as soon as Yunho drifts off to sleep. And then he secretly heads back to Yunho's apartment to lend a comforting shoulder for his ex-fiancee. And he does this many nights after, until it is him, and her, wearing a ring on their middle finger.
Jaejoong returns to Korea then, with his fiancee and a broken heart in tow, and he doesn't even leave a voice message for Yunho.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
And now he is here, on this bus, with the same mop of chestnut brown hair and earphones dangling from his ears. The bus jerks, and he gets up from his seat, preparing to alight. Jaejoong stumbles, and finally when he reaches the door, his eyes meet yours. You see how bloodshot they are, and a brief thought flits through your mind, before it disappears once again. You look away from him, and instead focus on the woman with her groceries. Her eyes are half-closed now, and so you look away once again.
The bus stops, and he tries to alight, but one of the earpieces gets caught on the railing. It snags until it drops from his ear and lands right next to you. You look at it briefly, pick it up, and return it back to him. It is then that you hear a faint, soft and shaky voice coming from the speakers of the earpiece: 'I- I love you Jae. You'll always be my best friend forever.''
You don't think much of it, and after he takes the earpiece from you and gets off the bus, you forget about it, though there is a split second of uncertainty clouding your mind. It is banished, and the entire incident is immediately forgotten when you alight.
The bus rides on. People board, people alight. And the stories always remain untold.
But Jaejoong still loves Yunho. Jaejoong loves Yunho so very much.
Jaejoong loved Yunho.
But there is a thin line between love and hate after all.
A/N: i got fed up with school and studying, so i wrote this. when will the studying ever end? :(
author: pikasu
length: oneshot
rating: pg-13
genre: romance, angst
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
summary: everyone has stories they never tell the world.
Everyone has stories they never tell the world.
The lady with her groceries slung across her shoulder, standing precariously beside you may have lost her children in a fire. That teenager bobbing along with his music might have been scolded by his teacher a few hours back. The man with green hair in front of you may have won the lottery when he was twenty. It's all possible. But you'll never know. Because they'll never say a single word to you. Because they are strangers. And because you are going to forget about them once this bus stops and you alight.
So you may not know how that lady with her groceries fell into depression and cried so badly when she had lost her children, and you may not know how that teenager nearly threw a chair at his teacher. You will definitely never find out how that man with the green hair donated all his winnings to charity, and you will never know how some of the people around you may be having the worst day of their life. But if you look closely enough at their faces, you may spot something a little off about the man with the chestnut brown hair and earphones dangling from his ears, sitting at the third seat from the back. You may notice how his eyes glisten a little too bright, perhaps glazed with tears, and you may notice how he occasionally chews on his lips while he casts a glance outside the window. You may guess, then, that perhaps he is trying to hold everything in. You may wonder, if there is a story untold, behind the uncertain, glazed eyes and the music blasting from his earphones.
And there really is a story. There's a story behind why he is on this bus, and why he is listening to something with his earphones. There's a story behind this man with distant eyes and the ghost of a smile on his face. There's a story behind him, Kim Jaejoong, and how he fell in love.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong's known Yunho ever since they were little and shoving each other to the ground because the other stole the red crayon during 'colour time'. Jaejoong spends his free time with Yunho, and Yunho spends all his time with Jaejoong. There's nothing else in between them, or so they believed. We're best friends forever, Yunho tells him on a high school weekday. Jaejoong ignores a faint stab piercing through his heart, and smiles lazily instead. Yes, you asshole. You better not leave me for someone else, he says. Jaejoong punches him across the shoulder, lightly. Yunho laughs; it grates silently against Jaejoong's heart, so he barely manages to hold his smile.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Yunho gets a girlfriend at the end of their senior year. She has huge eyes and a mop of chestnut brown hair that skims across her shoulders; a smile that made you feel as if you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. After school, they sit by the bench and send playful nudges and soft touches to each other, like how Jaejoong did with Yunho in the past. Yunho also steals time during lunch to escape with her to the furthest corner of the school, where Jaejoong used to lie at and simply watch the clouds drift by, with Yunho's hand enveloped against his own. At night, Yunho is with Jaejoong again. But this time he tells Jaejoong not about how difficult the homework for that day had been and not about how Jaejoong looked a little prettier that day (to which Yunho receives a hard smack across his shoulder and a huge flush across Jaejoong's face). Instead, it is about how beautiful and wonderful she is and how she's so kind and so selfless and so herself that he can't help but fall a little deeper.
Jaejoong seals his lips then, and smiles softly in response. Inside, he knows that no matter how much Yunho loves her, she'll never be as beautiful or as wonderful as he is.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong decides to work for a year after they graduate from high school. He enters college a year later only to find Yunho encircled by a group of people. They're his friends, Yunho tells Jaejoong, and he introduces them one after the other just for Jaejoong. Jaejoong does not remember a single one of their names, and shoots them a glare when they are not looking.
They share a room at the dorm now, and Jaejoong's happy with that. But when Yunho's friends drop by every single day and take up his bed and his Yunho, Jaejoong doesn't think he is that happy after all. Every other day, it is Yunho they drag to the bars and it is Jaejoong they leave behind, because Jaejoong's the 'strange kid' that's a year behind them. Yunho only smiles apologetically, and promises to make it up to him on the days he is free. But Jaejoong knows that there's never a day that Yunho's going to be free. He keeps mum about it though, and smiles everything away.
It is during the exam period when Yunho locks himself up in their room and studies, because he's not going to get promoted if he doesn't try hard. Yunho's never had a flair for academics after all. He studies and studies so hard he barely talks to Jaejoong anymore. Jaejoong knows it's needed, but he cannot help but think about the time when there had been nothing in between them. Yunho had been his, and only his.
Jaejoong feeds him a pill and gives him a glass of water the night before the exams, and Yunho smiles appreciatively at him. He's going to need it to soothe his migraine after all. Jaejoong merely beams, and pats him on the shoulder.
The next day, Yunho oversleeps, and he misses the exams. He gets held back a year.
Well, at least we'll be together, Yunho mutters jokingly in between tears, as he buries himself against Jaejoong's shoulder the night he receives the news.
Jaejoong nods once, and softly strokes Yunho's hair. Yeah, we'll be together, he says shakily. Unconsciously, he shoves the packet of pills deeper into his pocket, ignoring how the indentations of the words, 'sleeping pills', scrawled onto the packet starts to rub persistently against his fingertips.
They spend the next year together, and for once there is nothing between Jaejoong and Yunho again.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
After they graduate, Yunho decides to leave for Japan to pursue his studies. He doesn't tell Jaejoong, because he knows how his resolve is going to crumble if he does, and he knows that he's going to break down. They're too close for goodbyes after all, and so Yunho doesn't. Instead, he takes off for Japan with nothing but his passport, and leaves behind nothing but a message on the phone for Jaejoong.
The phone beeps once, twice, and there is static before Yunho's voice is heard.
''Jae...I'll - When you hear this, I'll probably be gone - no, don't panic, I'm safe, I'm alive. But Jae, you know how I always said I wanted to live in somewhere else other than Seoul? I - I'm going to Japan. It's a good place - I'll be fine, don't worry... But Jae, you know - I - we've been friends for so long, and I didn't - I didn't want us to end like that, just because we're distances apart. So...wait for me okay? I - I love you, Jae. You'll always be my best friend, forever.”
Jaejoong cries after the last beep is heard. He cries and cries until there's nothing left of him but his broken self. Then, he continues with his work, except this time he spends nothing and instead saves everything up, all for a one-way ticket to Japan.
Jaejoong saves Yunho's message into his phone, and plays it at night until he falls asleep. Then he saves it into his iPod, and plays it during the day until it's night, and then he plays it again while he sleeps.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
When Jaejoong arrives at Japan, he immediately sets off to find Yunho. He's gotten an address from Yunho's parents, so it comes to a shock when the door opens and he comes face to face with a woman instead.
Yunho appears by the door awhile later, and from their matching rings on their middle finger, there is nothing else to be said.
Jaejoong makes a quick bow, and mumbles a soft 'Congratulations' before he dashes off, fast enough for him to get away but slow enough for his tears to connect with Yunho's doorstep.
Jaejoong realizes how it's been so many years since he's fallen in love, and he isn't sure if the falling's over yet. But then he sees Yunho in a suit and a ring around his fourth finger and a woman beside him hidden in a veil, and he knows that Yunho's never going to be his. So he wipes away his tears and mulls over the thought of giving him up, in unfamiliar Japan on a hotel bed that smelt too much like Yunho's apartment.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
Jaejoong returns the day after, and this time he is all smiles. Yunho is more than happy to see him again, and they share such a bone-crushing hug, Jaejoong almost believed that things were back to normal again. But the ring around Yunho's finger always served as a reminder for Jaejoong, that Yunho's never going to love him. He clutches on a little tighter.
It's a month later that his fiancee discovers lipstick stains on Yunho's suit and little slips of paper tucked in his pockets with numbers scrawled on them. Then she finds messages in his phone and the foreign scent of perfume wafting in their house. So it comes to no surprise when Jaejoong finds himself with a sobbing Yunho on his shoulder weeks later, and a ring flushed down the sink.
He throws away the used tubes of lipstick and perfume, and a tattered notebook as soon as Yunho drifts off to sleep. And then he secretly heads back to Yunho's apartment to lend a comforting shoulder for his ex-fiancee. And he does this many nights after, until it is him, and her, wearing a ring on their middle finger.
Jaejoong returns to Korea then, with his fiancee and a broken heart in tow, and he doesn't even leave a voice message for Yunho.
Jaejoong loves Yunho.
--
And now he is here, on this bus, with the same mop of chestnut brown hair and earphones dangling from his ears. The bus jerks, and he gets up from his seat, preparing to alight. Jaejoong stumbles, and finally when he reaches the door, his eyes meet yours. You see how bloodshot they are, and a brief thought flits through your mind, before it disappears once again. You look away from him, and instead focus on the woman with her groceries. Her eyes are half-closed now, and so you look away once again.
The bus stops, and he tries to alight, but one of the earpieces gets caught on the railing. It snags until it drops from his ear and lands right next to you. You look at it briefly, pick it up, and return it back to him. It is then that you hear a faint, soft and shaky voice coming from the speakers of the earpiece: 'I- I love you Jae. You'll always be my best friend forever.''
You don't think much of it, and after he takes the earpiece from you and gets off the bus, you forget about it, though there is a split second of uncertainty clouding your mind. It is banished, and the entire incident is immediately forgotten when you alight.
The bus rides on. People board, people alight. And the stories always remain untold.
But Jaejoong still loves Yunho. Jaejoong loves Yunho so very much.
Jaejoong loved Yunho.
But there is a thin line between love and hate after all.
A/N: i got fed up with school and studying, so i wrote this. when will the studying ever end? :(