pikasu
in
crosswards
cross species mating
Title: cross-species mating
Pairing: kyumin (kyuhyun/changmin), ninja!yunjae, ninja!hyuksu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack, Romance
Summary: jaejoong is too protective a band!umma. kyuhyun and changmin have been dating for ages. jaejoong finds out. chaos ensues.
Warnings: all written in lowercase except for shouts.
cross-species mating
jaejoong likes to think of himself as a perfectly calm and collected person who has a little protective side for his cute little dongsaengs: always staring at him with wide-eyed innocent looks and adorably lost gazes (with the exception of yunho, even though technically he's older than him give or take a few weeks, yunho's a little special - he decides.)
so that leaves him with junsu, yoochun and changmin.
or in other words, a recipe for disaster.
jaejoong has never seen anyone grow up as fast as yoochun - coming home reeking of alcohol and silly grins gracing his face on his eighteenth birthday, stealing kisses in the corners of dark alleys and puffing a cigarette just hours after that birthday. yoochun grew up too fast for jaejoong's liking - it was as if it was only yesterday when yoochun used to crawl under his blankets, voice trembling with the fears of not succeeding, of dong bang shin ki no more. and jaejoong always manages to coddle him and whisper reassurances into his ears: no we're not going anywhere, no we'll stick through this together. but it seems as if yoochun couldn't wait to grow up, and doesn't allow jaejoong to whisper sweet comforts like mothers usually do anymore.
junsu is like every mother's sweetest dream at a glance, and their worst nightmares in the long run, with his silly pranks (stuffing marshmallows into yunho's shoes, that brat!) and ungodly hours of video gaming ('shut up hyung,' junsu always shouts. 'let me clear this level first'). jaejoong doesn't have the chance to really shower him with care, instead clicking his tongue in disapproval and always forcibly dragging him off to sleep. or you won't have enough energy for dance practices tomorrow! junsu always becomes the main cause for jaejoong's splitting headaches and ramblings to yunho - he grows up too fast, yet his mentality shrinks at the speed of light.
so he's left with changmin, his sweet, adorable, innocent, little minnie. the one who never fails to make him smile when he eyes go mismatched, the one who never does anything to annoy jaejoong, the one always following his instructions. so jaejoong always obliges when changmin whines of a hungry stomach, and cooks the best dish he can for him. changmin, jaejoong decides, is someone he's going to see growing up properly - not too fast like yoochun, not too annoying like junsu. changmin, is someone jaejoong thinks he can watch over, the one who'll tell jaejoong of his first kisses and first dates and all relationships after. he is the dongsaeng to his hyung.
so you can imagine jaejoong's reaction when he finds out that his innocent dongsaeng isn't really as innocent as he thinks after all-
-obviously it doesn't end well.
---
it all begins on a seemingly normal monday morning, when jaejoong retreats to changmin's room after watching super junior on some variety show. watching leeteuk's smile in pixels reminds jaejoong that his monthly ritual of exchanging comfort tips with the leader of super junior has been long overdue. jaejoong makes it a point to ring leeteuk afterwards.
jaejoong walks in to see changmin instant messaging with kyuhyun again. changmin has been spending a lot of time communicating with kyuhyun nowadays, jaejoong realizes. he sneaks across the room and pokes changmin on the cheek, chuckling when changmin lets out a yelp in surprise.
"kyuhyun again?" he asks dryly.
jaejoong should have known something was up when changmin's cheeks flush a dozen shades of red, and how he abruptly minimizes the window, but jaejoong, unfortunately, was born a little slow.
"mmm," changmin lets out a noncommittal response.
"if i didn't know better, i would think you two are dating," jaejoong teases, throwing his head back in delightful laughter while nudging changmin with his elbows.
changmin twitches.
"we are," he says, humming a little tune while proceeding to call up the window again, typing in a 'sorry for the late reply' to kyuhyun's chat window.
jaejoong freezes. did he hear correctly? was his precious little dongsaeng dating someone under the noses of all his hyungs?!
jaejoong takes in a deep breath, then another, and another. okay, calm down jae, jaejoong screams to himself hysterically. maybe it's recent, and he's going to tell us soon. but alas, the image of his changmin kissing kyuhyun proved too much for jaejoong, and sends him crumbling on the floor, staring at a particular patch of black in shock.
"how long," jaejoong manages a whisper, voice trembling a little.
changmin raises an eyebrow, wondering why his hyung was taking the news so badly. heck, if he didn't know about jaejoong's drama fits better, he would have thought that he was overreacting.
changmin adverts his gaze from jaejoong and looks at the ceiling, mind deep in thought, fingers counting the number of months, years, since he's been with kyuhyun.
jaejoong tries not to hyperventilate. he fails, terribly.
"mm, a few years?" changmin eventually says, giving up on counting the exact date. he swerves his chair back to facing the screen again, smiling a little at kyuhyun's amusing response.
"why didn't you tell us?" jaejoong half-whispers, half trembles in hysteria.
"you didn't ask," changmin says dismissively, eyes focused on typing another reply to kyuhyun.
it takes a whole of five seconds for jaejoong to crack.
"SHIM CHANGMIN," jaejoong screeches. "y-y-y-you!" jaejoong proceeds to break down into hysterical sobs, screaming and shouting a little in between.
changmin sighs - he should have known this was coming. "hyu-"
"what the fuck is going on?" yunho's deep voice rumbles. deep and displeased voice, changmin amends.
"and changmin," yunho sighs. "what did you do to jae again?"
"i didn't-" changmin splutters.
"oh yunnie," jaejoong flails helplessly. "our little boy's growing up!" he says, throwing himself onto yunho dramatically.
yunho quirks an eyebrow suggestively at changmin. did jaejoong catch you watching porn?
changmin sighs. "no it wasn't porn."
"you watch porn?!" jaejoong screams at changmin's face, detaching himself from yunho. "how could you min-ah? you're not supposed to be watching porn at such a tender young age!"
changmin tries very hard not to facepalm, he stares a little appreciatively at yunho, now softly stroking jaejoong's hair, desperately trying to soothe his mumblings.
"what happened?" yunho finally says after jaejoong sufficiently calmed down to a reasonable level where yunho thinks he won't throw objects around the house. at least, he won't throw large objects around.
"it's nothing much," changmin sighs. "i mean, i'm just dating kyuhyun-"
"you're what?" yunho says, dangerously soft.
changmin gulps. "i'm uh- dating kyuhyun?"
"shim. chang. min." yunho hisses. "from today onwards, you are officially grounded."
"but, but, but i don't even get to go out in the first place!" changmin protests
"you're grounded from the computer then," yunho glares.
"you can't do this to me!" changmin shouts, voice a little louder now.
"try me!" yunho returns changmin's shout.
"but you-" changmin begins to shout, when he spots jaejoong clutching onto a phone with a serious look on the face. changmin shivers a little - the last time jaejoong had a serious look on his face was when junsu burnt his frying pan. jaejoong had not been pleased.
"finally realized your mistake?" yunho glares angrily at changmin. changmin resists the urge to sigh - yunho has definitely been spending too much time with jaejoong for him to overreact that much.
yunho opens his mouth, planning to shout a little more until he's satisfied, but cuts off when he hears jaejoong screeching to the phone.
"park jungsu! how dare your son corrupt our changmin!"
changmin facepalms when he sees yunho's face morph into a horrified expression. nothing good ever comes out of jaejoong's and leeteuk's phone conversations.
---
as usual, changmin was right.
so after much shouting and screeching (from jaejoong), hysterical sobs and remarks (also from jaejoong), and scoldings later (unfortunately, from yunho), changmin finds himself squeezed uncomfortably between an angry jaejoong and a resigned yunho, while he faces an apologetic looking kyuhyun and fourteen other very amused dong bang shin ki and super junior members.
"so," yesung begins. "we have come here today to settle the issue of cross-mating between our dear, beloved-" he coughs deliberately. "maknaes of our respective groups."
"cross-mating?" yoochun snickers.
yesung stares a little at yoochun; ryeowook tries not to snicker; sungmin and shindong fight through nudges over the sole cup of coffee on the table; jaejoong trembles along with leeteuk, trying to control their outbursts; kangin and yunho exchange looks; heechul yawns and begins poking hankyung and siwon; junsu and eunhyuk discreetly stuffs marshmallows down their respective leader's shoes; changmin and kyuhyun sigh a little.
donghae magically disappears.
"well technically it means crossover relationships between us," yesung gestures uncomfortably to his members. "and your members."
a moment of silence pass as yoochun scrunches his eyebrows to process the information.
"so that means i can have junsu?" eunhyuk finally says hopefully.
"hyuk!" junsu hisses in desperation, only to will a hole to appear when he sees the damage caused by his best friend's words.
"you stole my son's innocence!" jaejoong points accusingly at leeteuk.
"your son was the one that stole my son's innocence," leeteuk screams back.
"how dare you accuse my son of such-"
"hyung," changmin sighs. "no one corrupted anyone okay?" he stares pointedly at kyuhyun. "we decided on this together."
"shim changmin i expect you to shut your mouth right now!" jaejoong falls into hysterics again. "you don't know how much trouble you are in when you get home. no dessert for a week!"
"but-" changmin splutters. kyuhyun pats him sympathetically.
"cho kyuhyun you get your hands off changmin's back right now!" jaejoong screams.
"how dare you scream at my son you-" leeteuk punches jaejoong on the chest.
a moment of silence.
"you-you-you punched me," jaejoong says in horror. "HOW DARE YOU," he screeches and returns the punch.
eunhyuk and junsu laugh a little at the display, seizing the chance to stuff more marshmallows down their members shoes.
heechul snores a little.
sungmin and shindong continue fighting over the coffee. ("that's my coffee!" sungmin screams. "no it's mine!" shindong retorts.)
donghae still hasn't returned.
"SILENCE," yunho and kangin simultaneously shout in exasperation.
yunho clears his throat awkwardly when sixteen pairs of eyes stare at him, freezing in their spots.
"firstly, uh, let's all calm down and-"
"calm down!" jaejoong screams. "yunnie-ah, how on earth do you expect me to calm down when this," he points accusingly at leeteuk. "person here refuses to admit that his son corrupted our changmin?"
"like i said," leeteuk shouts. "our son didn't corrupt anyone-"
yunho sighs again, deciding to head out to get a drink to calm his thoughts. when he slips his foot into his shoe though, he stares in horror when he meets with something squishy and sticky and-
"WHO ON EARTH PUT MARSHMALLOWS INTO MY SHOES?" yunho shouts in frustration.
a moment of silence, as everyone stares at yunho, before checking their own shoes. eunhyuk and junsu shift their gazes uneasily.
"oh my gosh my boots are ruined!" jaejoong wails, flinging the boots about, displaying the marshmallows stuck dreadfully inside.
"my shoes!" yoochun weeps in horror.
"hyukjae..." leeteuk's gaze narrows.
"uhm i uh-" eunhyuk squeaks. "didn't do it!"
"yeah," junsu giggles nervously. "we didn't do it!"
eunhyuk stares at junsu a little. "you idiot," he sighs.
"LEE HYUKJAE, KIM JUNSU, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE," yunho and kangin shout simultaneously.
eunhyuk and junsu giggle nervously, before skittering away.
jaejoong screams a little in horror, immediately getting up and chasing them with his boots in tow.
shindong and sungmin reach a truce, and exchange sips from the same cup of coffee.
leeteuk magically accio's a bundle of forks, and tries to viciously fling them at the retreating figures.
changmin sighs, and scoots over to kyuhyun.
"should we tell them about donghae and taemin?" changmin whispers into kyuhyun's ear, enveloping his hand with his own.
"no," kyuhyun immediately says, grinning a little in content at changmin's actions, before entwining their fingers tightly together. "onew doesn't deserve this-" he gestures to the chaos, "crap."
"yeah," changmin agrees, smiling amiably at kyuhyun before leaning closer in his touch . "he doesn't."
('kim junsu i demand you come back here immediately or there will be hell to pay when we get home - and kyuhyun don't think i didn't see that you get your paws off my changmin now-)
Pairing: kyumin (kyuhyun/changmin), ninja!yunjae, ninja!hyuksu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack, Romance
Summary: jaejoong is too protective a band!umma. kyuhyun and changmin have been dating for ages. jaejoong finds out. chaos ensues.
Warnings: all written in lowercase except for shouts.
cross-species mating
jaejoong likes to think of himself as a perfectly calm and collected person who has a little protective side for his cute little dongsaengs: always staring at him with wide-eyed innocent looks and adorably lost gazes (with the exception of yunho, even though technically he's older than him give or take a few weeks, yunho's a little special - he decides.)
so that leaves him with junsu, yoochun and changmin.
or in other words, a recipe for disaster.
jaejoong has never seen anyone grow up as fast as yoochun - coming home reeking of alcohol and silly grins gracing his face on his eighteenth birthday, stealing kisses in the corners of dark alleys and puffing a cigarette just hours after that birthday. yoochun grew up too fast for jaejoong's liking - it was as if it was only yesterday when yoochun used to crawl under his blankets, voice trembling with the fears of not succeeding, of dong bang shin ki no more. and jaejoong always manages to coddle him and whisper reassurances into his ears: no we're not going anywhere, no we'll stick through this together. but it seems as if yoochun couldn't wait to grow up, and doesn't allow jaejoong to whisper sweet comforts like mothers usually do anymore.
junsu is like every mother's sweetest dream at a glance, and their worst nightmares in the long run, with his silly pranks (stuffing marshmallows into yunho's shoes, that brat!) and ungodly hours of video gaming ('shut up hyung,' junsu always shouts. 'let me clear this level first'). jaejoong doesn't have the chance to really shower him with care, instead clicking his tongue in disapproval and always forcibly dragging him off to sleep. or you won't have enough energy for dance practices tomorrow! junsu always becomes the main cause for jaejoong's splitting headaches and ramblings to yunho - he grows up too fast, yet his mentality shrinks at the speed of light.
so he's left with changmin, his sweet, adorable, innocent, little minnie. the one who never fails to make him smile when he eyes go mismatched, the one who never does anything to annoy jaejoong, the one always following his instructions. so jaejoong always obliges when changmin whines of a hungry stomach, and cooks the best dish he can for him. changmin, jaejoong decides, is someone he's going to see growing up properly - not too fast like yoochun, not too annoying like junsu. changmin, is someone jaejoong thinks he can watch over, the one who'll tell jaejoong of his first kisses and first dates and all relationships after. he is the dongsaeng to his hyung.
so you can imagine jaejoong's reaction when he finds out that his innocent dongsaeng isn't really as innocent as he thinks after all-
-obviously it doesn't end well.
---
it all begins on a seemingly normal monday morning, when jaejoong retreats to changmin's room after watching super junior on some variety show. watching leeteuk's smile in pixels reminds jaejoong that his monthly ritual of exchanging comfort tips with the leader of super junior has been long overdue. jaejoong makes it a point to ring leeteuk afterwards.
jaejoong walks in to see changmin instant messaging with kyuhyun again. changmin has been spending a lot of time communicating with kyuhyun nowadays, jaejoong realizes. he sneaks across the room and pokes changmin on the cheek, chuckling when changmin lets out a yelp in surprise.
"kyuhyun again?" he asks dryly.
jaejoong should have known something was up when changmin's cheeks flush a dozen shades of red, and how he abruptly minimizes the window, but jaejoong, unfortunately, was born a little slow.
"mmm," changmin lets out a noncommittal response.
"if i didn't know better, i would think you two are dating," jaejoong teases, throwing his head back in delightful laughter while nudging changmin with his elbows.
changmin twitches.
"we are," he says, humming a little tune while proceeding to call up the window again, typing in a 'sorry for the late reply' to kyuhyun's chat window.
jaejoong freezes. did he hear correctly? was his precious little dongsaeng dating someone under the noses of all his hyungs?!
jaejoong takes in a deep breath, then another, and another. okay, calm down jae, jaejoong screams to himself hysterically. maybe it's recent, and he's going to tell us soon. but alas, the image of his changmin kissing kyuhyun proved too much for jaejoong, and sends him crumbling on the floor, staring at a particular patch of black in shock.
"how long," jaejoong manages a whisper, voice trembling a little.
changmin raises an eyebrow, wondering why his hyung was taking the news so badly. heck, if he didn't know about jaejoong's drama fits better, he would have thought that he was overreacting.
changmin adverts his gaze from jaejoong and looks at the ceiling, mind deep in thought, fingers counting the number of months, years, since he's been with kyuhyun.
jaejoong tries not to hyperventilate. he fails, terribly.
"mm, a few years?" changmin eventually says, giving up on counting the exact date. he swerves his chair back to facing the screen again, smiling a little at kyuhyun's amusing response.
"why didn't you tell us?" jaejoong half-whispers, half trembles in hysteria.
"you didn't ask," changmin says dismissively, eyes focused on typing another reply to kyuhyun.
it takes a whole of five seconds for jaejoong to crack.
"SHIM CHANGMIN," jaejoong screeches. "y-y-y-you!" jaejoong proceeds to break down into hysterical sobs, screaming and shouting a little in between.
changmin sighs - he should have known this was coming. "hyu-"
"what the fuck is going on?" yunho's deep voice rumbles. deep and displeased voice, changmin amends.
"and changmin," yunho sighs. "what did you do to jae again?"
"i didn't-" changmin splutters.
"oh yunnie," jaejoong flails helplessly. "our little boy's growing up!" he says, throwing himself onto yunho dramatically.
yunho quirks an eyebrow suggestively at changmin. did jaejoong catch you watching porn?
changmin sighs. "no it wasn't porn."
"you watch porn?!" jaejoong screams at changmin's face, detaching himself from yunho. "how could you min-ah? you're not supposed to be watching porn at such a tender young age!"
changmin tries very hard not to facepalm, he stares a little appreciatively at yunho, now softly stroking jaejoong's hair, desperately trying to soothe his mumblings.
"what happened?" yunho finally says after jaejoong sufficiently calmed down to a reasonable level where yunho thinks he won't throw objects around the house. at least, he won't throw large objects around.
"it's nothing much," changmin sighs. "i mean, i'm just dating kyuhyun-"
"you're what?" yunho says, dangerously soft.
changmin gulps. "i'm uh- dating kyuhyun?"
"shim. chang. min." yunho hisses. "from today onwards, you are officially grounded."
"but, but, but i don't even get to go out in the first place!" changmin protests
"you're grounded from the computer then," yunho glares.
"you can't do this to me!" changmin shouts, voice a little louder now.
"try me!" yunho returns changmin's shout.
"but you-" changmin begins to shout, when he spots jaejoong clutching onto a phone with a serious look on the face. changmin shivers a little - the last time jaejoong had a serious look on his face was when junsu burnt his frying pan. jaejoong had not been pleased.
"finally realized your mistake?" yunho glares angrily at changmin. changmin resists the urge to sigh - yunho has definitely been spending too much time with jaejoong for him to overreact that much.
yunho opens his mouth, planning to shout a little more until he's satisfied, but cuts off when he hears jaejoong screeching to the phone.
"park jungsu! how dare your son corrupt our changmin!"
changmin facepalms when he sees yunho's face morph into a horrified expression. nothing good ever comes out of jaejoong's and leeteuk's phone conversations.
---
as usual, changmin was right.
so after much shouting and screeching (from jaejoong), hysterical sobs and remarks (also from jaejoong), and scoldings later (unfortunately, from yunho), changmin finds himself squeezed uncomfortably between an angry jaejoong and a resigned yunho, while he faces an apologetic looking kyuhyun and fourteen other very amused dong bang shin ki and super junior members.
"so," yesung begins. "we have come here today to settle the issue of cross-mating between our dear, beloved-" he coughs deliberately. "maknaes of our respective groups."
"cross-mating?" yoochun snickers.
yesung stares a little at yoochun; ryeowook tries not to snicker; sungmin and shindong fight through nudges over the sole cup of coffee on the table; jaejoong trembles along with leeteuk, trying to control their outbursts; kangin and yunho exchange looks; heechul yawns and begins poking hankyung and siwon; junsu and eunhyuk discreetly stuffs marshmallows down their respective leader's shoes; changmin and kyuhyun sigh a little.
donghae magically disappears.
"well technically it means crossover relationships between us," yesung gestures uncomfortably to his members. "and your members."
a moment of silence pass as yoochun scrunches his eyebrows to process the information.
"so that means i can have junsu?" eunhyuk finally says hopefully.
"hyuk!" junsu hisses in desperation, only to will a hole to appear when he sees the damage caused by his best friend's words.
"you stole my son's innocence!" jaejoong points accusingly at leeteuk.
"your son was the one that stole my son's innocence," leeteuk screams back.
"how dare you accuse my son of such-"
"hyung," changmin sighs. "no one corrupted anyone okay?" he stares pointedly at kyuhyun. "we decided on this together."
"shim changmin i expect you to shut your mouth right now!" jaejoong falls into hysterics again. "you don't know how much trouble you are in when you get home. no dessert for a week!"
"but-" changmin splutters. kyuhyun pats him sympathetically.
"cho kyuhyun you get your hands off changmin's back right now!" jaejoong screams.
"how dare you scream at my son you-" leeteuk punches jaejoong on the chest.
a moment of silence.
"you-you-you punched me," jaejoong says in horror. "HOW DARE YOU," he screeches and returns the punch.
eunhyuk and junsu laugh a little at the display, seizing the chance to stuff more marshmallows down their members shoes.
heechul snores a little.
sungmin and shindong continue fighting over the coffee. ("that's my coffee!" sungmin screams. "no it's mine!" shindong retorts.)
donghae still hasn't returned.
"SILENCE," yunho and kangin simultaneously shout in exasperation.
yunho clears his throat awkwardly when sixteen pairs of eyes stare at him, freezing in their spots.
"firstly, uh, let's all calm down and-"
"calm down!" jaejoong screams. "yunnie-ah, how on earth do you expect me to calm down when this," he points accusingly at leeteuk. "person here refuses to admit that his son corrupted our changmin?"
"like i said," leeteuk shouts. "our son didn't corrupt anyone-"
yunho sighs again, deciding to head out to get a drink to calm his thoughts. when he slips his foot into his shoe though, he stares in horror when he meets with something squishy and sticky and-
"WHO ON EARTH PUT MARSHMALLOWS INTO MY SHOES?" yunho shouts in frustration.
a moment of silence, as everyone stares at yunho, before checking their own shoes. eunhyuk and junsu shift their gazes uneasily.
"oh my gosh my boots are ruined!" jaejoong wails, flinging the boots about, displaying the marshmallows stuck dreadfully inside.
"my shoes!" yoochun weeps in horror.
"hyukjae..." leeteuk's gaze narrows.
"uhm i uh-" eunhyuk squeaks. "didn't do it!"
"yeah," junsu giggles nervously. "we didn't do it!"
eunhyuk stares at junsu a little. "you idiot," he sighs.
"LEE HYUKJAE, KIM JUNSU, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE," yunho and kangin shout simultaneously.
eunhyuk and junsu giggle nervously, before skittering away.
jaejoong screams a little in horror, immediately getting up and chasing them with his boots in tow.
shindong and sungmin reach a truce, and exchange sips from the same cup of coffee.
leeteuk magically accio's a bundle of forks, and tries to viciously fling them at the retreating figures.
changmin sighs, and scoots over to kyuhyun.
"should we tell them about donghae and taemin?" changmin whispers into kyuhyun's ear, enveloping his hand with his own.
"no," kyuhyun immediately says, grinning a little in content at changmin's actions, before entwining their fingers tightly together. "onew doesn't deserve this-" he gestures to the chaos, "crap."
"yeah," changmin agrees, smiling amiably at kyuhyun before leaning closer in his touch . "he doesn't."
('kim junsu i demand you come back here immediately or there will be hell to pay when we get home - and kyuhyun don't think i didn't see that you get your paws off my changmin now-)