pikasu
in
crosswards
we are golden
title: we are golden
author: pikasu
rating: pg
genre: romance
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
summary: along the underpass to the subway, yunho meets jaejoong, carefree and disquieting like the wind.
notes: inspired by chun_ji's do you remember what fearless felt like? and very much dedicated to her as well.
Maybe, if things had gone differently, Jaejoong and Yunho would now be two young men, singing and playing guitars in an underpass, a box in front of them to collect change from passerbys. And Yunho would smile at Jaejoong sometimes as they sang, carelessly, heart-achingly. Jaejoong thinks he wouldn’t have minded spending his life like that. Chasing dreams with Yunho.
-- do you remember what fearless felt like? chun_ji
jaejoong with pale skin over skinny thighs is nothing like yunho has ever seen. he spots him every day after training, at the dingy underpass connecting the subway lines to the world. the spot jaejoong stands at has a broken light, flickering on and off, sometimes a little too bright. but somehow it illuminates him just right. jaejoong, the stranger with a guitar under a broken subway light is beautiful like the lyrics he writes. six at night would signal the start of his songs; self-composed titles in harmony with a voice so gentle yet heartachingly raw it made the dirty flourescent lights sparkle a little brighter. we're all a little messed up, he sings. little bundles of joy sewn together with suspicion and fear, oh won't you rip them down? and his eyes roam over yunho's, slow and teasing, a playful lilt dancing across his face. it captivates yunho. to him, jaejoong is like the wind, so unrestrained and free that he feels just like a maple leaf, blown away by jaejoong's breeziness, very much willing.
once after jaejoong packs up, he swivels to meet yunho, ready to leave. jaejoong had insistently tugged at yunho's hand; a silent invitation, stunning yunho. but he agrees, just like any star-struck fan would; carted off to a place, any place - he didn't mind, as long as there was jaejoong.
jaejoong brings him to a rooftop yunho feels it's right smack in the middle of life in seoul. broken constellations of street lights and neon signboards map the floors beneath. it made yunho feel like the king of the world. he takes a deep breath and meets jaejoong's gaze. jaejoong smiles, so soft and sweet that it's as if he's glowing. and jaejoong's face illuminated allows yunho to see the sparkle in his eyes, and the tiny cracks that formed when his eyes catches the lights; broken. suddenly, yunho feels very small.
"yunho, right?" jaejoong asks, his voice deeper than yunho imagined. yunho blinks; he doesn't question as to how jaejoong had found out about his name, but nods instead. he is beckoned to a corner of the rooftop, 'i'll sing you a song', the only explanation he gets. when he settles, yunho is uncertain and fumbling, and this makes jaejoong very amused.
'you seemed nice,' he murmurs. there's something about jaejoong's voice that makes yunho want to fly, an air about it that traces wings onto his back, makes him feel like he's floating past clouds. perhaps it's jaejoong himself, the spontaneity in his every movement that spurs yunho to throw everything to the wind, to be reckless for once. no one knows if he's going to die young after all.
jaejoong sings lyrics unfamiliar to yunho, strums his guitar to the universal tune of heartbreak and new beginnings. let's fly away to the skies above / we'll parachute downwards / like a comet we'd burn / ashes to ashes / love to dust / we are all we are / we'll make it last
we'd make it last, yunho thinks. he'd want something like that.
-
the trips to the rooftop don't end. upon every meeting brings about a new jaejoong to yunho, and a new map of stars on seoul's nightlife. jaejoong sings a new song every time they're there. some covers, others unrefined originals that made yunho feel a little special whenever he gets to hear them. there's always a tinge of pain in yunho's heart whenever jaejoong sings though, as if a perpetual sorrow lingers beyond that careless smile of jaejoong's, unsettling.
'why are you so sad?' yunho asks a day where he decides to be daring for once. jaejoong stills, fingers caught in between guitar strings, mid-strum. the wind blows a gust of warm air, heavy and disquieting.
finally, jaejoong laughs. it comes out forced and wary. "i always wanted to fly," is his response, so soft that yunho barely catches on. his fingers trace a faint outline of wings onto his guitar, blonde locks brushing past his pressed lips as he lowers his head. minutes later, jaejoong lets out a choked laugh, raises his head to meet yunho, quiet, words stolen from his mouth. jaejoong's eyes are shining now, and the cracks are more distinct than ever before. it's the first time yunho's seen jaejoong so vulnerable. "but flying's for birds, isn't it?" he looks at yunho expectantly. and yunho is still quiet. he still doesn't know what to say. and this makes jaejoong chuckle a little more.
as fast as he is sad though, jaejoong is back to his happy self again. he grins and stretches his arms, ready to embrace the skies. a slight tilt of his head beckons yunho towards him. although uncertain, yunho stands up all the same. he could never refuse jaejoong.
that night they stood there till the sun rose, listening to the rise and fall of each other's breath. yunho does not know jaejoong any better, and neither does jaejoong. but somehow, yunho feels as if the distance between him, and jaejoong's heart, is smaller than ever.
-
the singing at the subway never stops. the light is repaired, and jaejoong seems to glow brighter than ever. there are times where jaejoong is a little more reckless than usual, and yunho a little more daring. those are the times where yunho is dragged to the mic stand and they sing a song together, in perfect harmony. jaejoong will throw yunho a look, so careless and carefree than yunho's breath will hitch and he will feel like he is fifteen all over again.
there are times where yunho wonders as to why someone so beautiful and so young as jaejoong would be doing at the dusty subway lines, at a place where no one seems to care. he does not question as to how jaejoong knows his name either. certain things are meant to be kept this way and never that. yunho does not want to disrupt the friendship they're slowly building by asking uncomfortable questions.
friendship - yunho catches himself in the midst of his thoughts. or perhaps love? only time will tell, he decides, briefly glances at jaejoong as they are singing a duet together. when i was younger i saw / my daddy cry and curse at the wind / he broke his own heart and i watched / as he tried to reassemble it /
'but darling you are the only exception' jaejoong sings to him, so sincere and earnest it makes yunho almost believe that what jaejoong's singing is real. the only exception, yunho thinks and smiles.
only time will tell.
-
once, jaejoong comments offhandedly about yunho's late dance practices before he catches himself, throwing yunho off. yunho has never told jaejoong about his training, and certainly never about his dance practices. somehow when he's around jaejoong, everything revolves around the other and never him.
"i used to watch you dance," is the only thing jaejoong's willing to tell him. "you were beautiful."
yunho wants to know more. more, more, more. like how jaejoong knows everything about him, but he knows nothing about jaejoong. how jaejoong wears a mysterious nonchalant aura like it's his second skin, and how sometimes at a particular angle, yunho can see tiny rips and tears along the seams of it, like battle scars.
"you knew who i was before this?" yunho gestures to the underpass, determined to press on. this time he isn't going to let it drop.
jaejoong shoots him a smile so unsettling it makes yunho's heart clench and his stomach queasy. the only answer he gets is a nod. nothing more, nothing less.
"i wanted to dance like you," jaejoong mumbles afterwards, so faint yunho barely catches on. but he does. and no matter how much suspicion arises from within, he cannot help but blush.
-
sundown the next day yunho finds out he is selected for an audition. it's finally his chance to debut. he is elated, too happy it feels as if the world's a little brighter, spinning even. the first thing he wants to do is to dash to the underpass connecting subway lines and tell jaejoong, scream and squeal to him about it. yunho may be a grown man, but right now, he doesn't care.
jaejoong's reaction is nothing he had expected. he's not happy, to say the least, manages a forced smile and an awkward pat on yunho's now slumped shoulders. 'all the best' is all jaejoong manages. and yunho tries very hard to smile too. perhaps he didn't mean that much to jaejoong after all. perhaps is all he can think of right now.
"yunho," jaejoong abruptly calls when yunho is about to take a turn. he steps forward, hesitant, and yunho cannot find it in him to reply.
they meet just as the sun sets, light spilling into the dim tunnels, of warm orange and a comfortable yellow. jaejoong tilts, in a way that his locks catch the sunset glows. he'd never look as beautiful as he did now. and his chest, heaving perhaps in nervousness, makes yunho's breath catch. jaejoong's eyes are flustered, uncertain and still that deep pool of mysterious black yunho cannot help but fall in. the echos of an approaching train reverberates in yunho's ears, momentarily blocks the sound of their breaths mingling. and then jaejoong leans forward, presses his lips onto yunho's so tender, like a small plea, to take care and please be safe. everything else fades to black.
when they pull away, yunho is stunned, blinks as the colours around rushes back. jaejoong smiles then, wavering. one of his hands finds its way to yunho's own, and squeezes it tight, while the other touches yunho's cheek, a few barely-there strokes before jaejoong finally lets go.
"don't break your heart," jaejoong says as a parting, to a mildly surprised yunho.
"the only way i would is if you do," yunho chuckles. "you won't, would you?" a side remark for his insecure self.
jaejoong laughs then, so helpless he very nearly cries. instead, he gives a few violent shakes before he sees yunho depart. no it's not that, he wants to say. it's not me.
the next day yunho gets eliminated at the very first round. he takes a detour home, determindedly avoiding the underpass where jaejoong probably is, and ignoring the persistent voice resounding in his head, don't break your heart, it says, in the soft whisper of jaejoong.
don't break your heart.
-
yunho gives himself a week. he heads back to find jaejoong on a friday night. upon reaching, yunho catches a glimpse of jaejoong, eyes searching for something, someone, and his gait tense. when their eyes meet it's as if a string within jaejoong is cut loose as he visibly relaxes, eyes relieved even when he spots yunho.
jaejoong holds his last note, and yunho tries very hard not to wince at the sound of music. it's hatred he feels now, to the only thing he's ever loved, but it's mostly to himself for being so incompetent. jaejoong does not say a word after the song ends. instead, he packs up and tugs yunho away again, to a place he doesn't bother telling. and yunho follows. as willing as always. nothing much has changed.
he is taken to the rooftop again. this time, jaejoong does not sing him a song. this time, jaejoong finally speaks.
"i used to be you," he says, voice full of regret and nostalgia spinning like a broken record. jaejoong extends a hand out to the night skies, tries very hard to grasp onto one of the stars above, but pulls back just before he stretches all the way, as if he's already given up.
"i wanted to fly," jaejoong whispers, holds onto his guitar, like it's his only semblance of hope left. now, yunho finally knows what a man of broken dreams looks like. and he can see, from the shine in jaejoong's eyes, a reflection of that same man staring right back at him. he's not the only exception to the fate of shattered dreams.
a sob is heard from jaejoong then. it's broken, and dry. like he's done this a million times over and there's no tears left to use up anymore. and yunho can do nothing but embrace jaejoong from behind. he tilts jaejoong's chin till it faces his own, and kisses him soft. it isn't romantic as it is comforting. and it muffles jaejoong's cries. (maybe his sorrows too, if he pours enough love into it)
they settle by the wall, two men uncertain of their future. but yunho is certain of one thing. he's certain of this. because it's the most he's ever been.
yunho pries the guitar away from jaejoong, clutched too tightly it made his knuckles turn white. he gives it an experimental strum, before setting it aside. now, the faintest sound of music makes his heart ache so terribly. his once source for life is now a lethal poison coaxing him to break. jaejoong makes a faint sound of protest, but nothing more. a hand extends, strokes jaejoong's hair so gently it made him tremble. and then yunho scoots closer, until jaejoong's breath becomes the only sound he hears. he leans to the crook of jaejoong's ear, and hums a soft broken tune, a finger making its way underneath fabric to his back, and traces lyrics in the shape of wings onto it. maybe, he thought, if he pressed hard enough, ink would bleed and seep past jaejoong's skin, embedding the words so deep that maybe yunho would start believing in it himself.
and maybe they'd fly.
if i tattooed wings across our backs, would we fly together?
we would, wouldn't we? because it's you and
i - i don't matter. you're the wind and
the wind flies, like invisible swallows in the air
it'll bring gentleness, it'll bring peace,
it'll bring us together.
--
a/n so i am sick again.
this was very much inspired by chun_ji and written for her because she is awesome just like the fics she writes. ok tofu i hope you like this pile of nonsense i have written sobs i told you it was weird and if anything i blame my fever for it ???? D8 also, i blame you for planting buskers!yunjae idea into my head :p ilu ♥
author: pikasu
rating: pg
genre: romance
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
summary: along the underpass to the subway, yunho meets jaejoong, carefree and disquieting like the wind.
notes: inspired by chun_ji's do you remember what fearless felt like? and very much dedicated to her as well.
Maybe, if things had gone differently, Jaejoong and Yunho would now be two young men, singing and playing guitars in an underpass, a box in front of them to collect change from passerbys. And Yunho would smile at Jaejoong sometimes as they sang, carelessly, heart-achingly. Jaejoong thinks he wouldn’t have minded spending his life like that. Chasing dreams with Yunho.
-- do you remember what fearless felt like? chun_ji
jaejoong with pale skin over skinny thighs is nothing like yunho has ever seen. he spots him every day after training, at the dingy underpass connecting the subway lines to the world. the spot jaejoong stands at has a broken light, flickering on and off, sometimes a little too bright. but somehow it illuminates him just right. jaejoong, the stranger with a guitar under a broken subway light is beautiful like the lyrics he writes. six at night would signal the start of his songs; self-composed titles in harmony with a voice so gentle yet heartachingly raw it made the dirty flourescent lights sparkle a little brighter. we're all a little messed up, he sings. little bundles of joy sewn together with suspicion and fear, oh won't you rip them down? and his eyes roam over yunho's, slow and teasing, a playful lilt dancing across his face. it captivates yunho. to him, jaejoong is like the wind, so unrestrained and free that he feels just like a maple leaf, blown away by jaejoong's breeziness, very much willing.
once after jaejoong packs up, he swivels to meet yunho, ready to leave. jaejoong had insistently tugged at yunho's hand; a silent invitation, stunning yunho. but he agrees, just like any star-struck fan would; carted off to a place, any place - he didn't mind, as long as there was jaejoong.
jaejoong brings him to a rooftop yunho feels it's right smack in the middle of life in seoul. broken constellations of street lights and neon signboards map the floors beneath. it made yunho feel like the king of the world. he takes a deep breath and meets jaejoong's gaze. jaejoong smiles, so soft and sweet that it's as if he's glowing. and jaejoong's face illuminated allows yunho to see the sparkle in his eyes, and the tiny cracks that formed when his eyes catches the lights; broken. suddenly, yunho feels very small.
"yunho, right?" jaejoong asks, his voice deeper than yunho imagined. yunho blinks; he doesn't question as to how jaejoong had found out about his name, but nods instead. he is beckoned to a corner of the rooftop, 'i'll sing you a song', the only explanation he gets. when he settles, yunho is uncertain and fumbling, and this makes jaejoong very amused.
'you seemed nice,' he murmurs. there's something about jaejoong's voice that makes yunho want to fly, an air about it that traces wings onto his back, makes him feel like he's floating past clouds. perhaps it's jaejoong himself, the spontaneity in his every movement that spurs yunho to throw everything to the wind, to be reckless for once. no one knows if he's going to die young after all.
jaejoong sings lyrics unfamiliar to yunho, strums his guitar to the universal tune of heartbreak and new beginnings. let's fly away to the skies above / we'll parachute downwards / like a comet we'd burn / ashes to ashes / love to dust / we are all we are / we'll make it last
we'd make it last, yunho thinks. he'd want something like that.
-
the trips to the rooftop don't end. upon every meeting brings about a new jaejoong to yunho, and a new map of stars on seoul's nightlife. jaejoong sings a new song every time they're there. some covers, others unrefined originals that made yunho feel a little special whenever he gets to hear them. there's always a tinge of pain in yunho's heart whenever jaejoong sings though, as if a perpetual sorrow lingers beyond that careless smile of jaejoong's, unsettling.
'why are you so sad?' yunho asks a day where he decides to be daring for once. jaejoong stills, fingers caught in between guitar strings, mid-strum. the wind blows a gust of warm air, heavy and disquieting.
finally, jaejoong laughs. it comes out forced and wary. "i always wanted to fly," is his response, so soft that yunho barely catches on. his fingers trace a faint outline of wings onto his guitar, blonde locks brushing past his pressed lips as he lowers his head. minutes later, jaejoong lets out a choked laugh, raises his head to meet yunho, quiet, words stolen from his mouth. jaejoong's eyes are shining now, and the cracks are more distinct than ever before. it's the first time yunho's seen jaejoong so vulnerable. "but flying's for birds, isn't it?" he looks at yunho expectantly. and yunho is still quiet. he still doesn't know what to say. and this makes jaejoong chuckle a little more.
as fast as he is sad though, jaejoong is back to his happy self again. he grins and stretches his arms, ready to embrace the skies. a slight tilt of his head beckons yunho towards him. although uncertain, yunho stands up all the same. he could never refuse jaejoong.
that night they stood there till the sun rose, listening to the rise and fall of each other's breath. yunho does not know jaejoong any better, and neither does jaejoong. but somehow, yunho feels as if the distance between him, and jaejoong's heart, is smaller than ever.
-
the singing at the subway never stops. the light is repaired, and jaejoong seems to glow brighter than ever. there are times where jaejoong is a little more reckless than usual, and yunho a little more daring. those are the times where yunho is dragged to the mic stand and they sing a song together, in perfect harmony. jaejoong will throw yunho a look, so careless and carefree than yunho's breath will hitch and he will feel like he is fifteen all over again.
there are times where yunho wonders as to why someone so beautiful and so young as jaejoong would be doing at the dusty subway lines, at a place where no one seems to care. he does not question as to how jaejoong knows his name either. certain things are meant to be kept this way and never that. yunho does not want to disrupt the friendship they're slowly building by asking uncomfortable questions.
friendship - yunho catches himself in the midst of his thoughts. or perhaps love? only time will tell, he decides, briefly glances at jaejoong as they are singing a duet together. when i was younger i saw / my daddy cry and curse at the wind / he broke his own heart and i watched / as he tried to reassemble it /
'but darling you are the only exception' jaejoong sings to him, so sincere and earnest it makes yunho almost believe that what jaejoong's singing is real. the only exception, yunho thinks and smiles.
only time will tell.
-
once, jaejoong comments offhandedly about yunho's late dance practices before he catches himself, throwing yunho off. yunho has never told jaejoong about his training, and certainly never about his dance practices. somehow when he's around jaejoong, everything revolves around the other and never him.
"i used to watch you dance," is the only thing jaejoong's willing to tell him. "you were beautiful."
yunho wants to know more. more, more, more. like how jaejoong knows everything about him, but he knows nothing about jaejoong. how jaejoong wears a mysterious nonchalant aura like it's his second skin, and how sometimes at a particular angle, yunho can see tiny rips and tears along the seams of it, like battle scars.
"you knew who i was before this?" yunho gestures to the underpass, determined to press on. this time he isn't going to let it drop.
jaejoong shoots him a smile so unsettling it makes yunho's heart clench and his stomach queasy. the only answer he gets is a nod. nothing more, nothing less.
"i wanted to dance like you," jaejoong mumbles afterwards, so faint yunho barely catches on. but he does. and no matter how much suspicion arises from within, he cannot help but blush.
-
sundown the next day yunho finds out he is selected for an audition. it's finally his chance to debut. he is elated, too happy it feels as if the world's a little brighter, spinning even. the first thing he wants to do is to dash to the underpass connecting subway lines and tell jaejoong, scream and squeal to him about it. yunho may be a grown man, but right now, he doesn't care.
jaejoong's reaction is nothing he had expected. he's not happy, to say the least, manages a forced smile and an awkward pat on yunho's now slumped shoulders. 'all the best' is all jaejoong manages. and yunho tries very hard to smile too. perhaps he didn't mean that much to jaejoong after all. perhaps is all he can think of right now.
"yunho," jaejoong abruptly calls when yunho is about to take a turn. he steps forward, hesitant, and yunho cannot find it in him to reply.
they meet just as the sun sets, light spilling into the dim tunnels, of warm orange and a comfortable yellow. jaejoong tilts, in a way that his locks catch the sunset glows. he'd never look as beautiful as he did now. and his chest, heaving perhaps in nervousness, makes yunho's breath catch. jaejoong's eyes are flustered, uncertain and still that deep pool of mysterious black yunho cannot help but fall in. the echos of an approaching train reverberates in yunho's ears, momentarily blocks the sound of their breaths mingling. and then jaejoong leans forward, presses his lips onto yunho's so tender, like a small plea, to take care and please be safe. everything else fades to black.
when they pull away, yunho is stunned, blinks as the colours around rushes back. jaejoong smiles then, wavering. one of his hands finds its way to yunho's own, and squeezes it tight, while the other touches yunho's cheek, a few barely-there strokes before jaejoong finally lets go.
"don't break your heart," jaejoong says as a parting, to a mildly surprised yunho.
"the only way i would is if you do," yunho chuckles. "you won't, would you?" a side remark for his insecure self.
jaejoong laughs then, so helpless he very nearly cries. instead, he gives a few violent shakes before he sees yunho depart. no it's not that, he wants to say. it's not me.
the next day yunho gets eliminated at the very first round. he takes a detour home, determindedly avoiding the underpass where jaejoong probably is, and ignoring the persistent voice resounding in his head, don't break your heart, it says, in the soft whisper of jaejoong.
don't break your heart.
-
yunho gives himself a week. he heads back to find jaejoong on a friday night. upon reaching, yunho catches a glimpse of jaejoong, eyes searching for something, someone, and his gait tense. when their eyes meet it's as if a string within jaejoong is cut loose as he visibly relaxes, eyes relieved even when he spots yunho.
jaejoong holds his last note, and yunho tries very hard not to wince at the sound of music. it's hatred he feels now, to the only thing he's ever loved, but it's mostly to himself for being so incompetent. jaejoong does not say a word after the song ends. instead, he packs up and tugs yunho away again, to a place he doesn't bother telling. and yunho follows. as willing as always. nothing much has changed.
he is taken to the rooftop again. this time, jaejoong does not sing him a song. this time, jaejoong finally speaks.
"i used to be you," he says, voice full of regret and nostalgia spinning like a broken record. jaejoong extends a hand out to the night skies, tries very hard to grasp onto one of the stars above, but pulls back just before he stretches all the way, as if he's already given up.
"i wanted to fly," jaejoong whispers, holds onto his guitar, like it's his only semblance of hope left. now, yunho finally knows what a man of broken dreams looks like. and he can see, from the shine in jaejoong's eyes, a reflection of that same man staring right back at him. he's not the only exception to the fate of shattered dreams.
a sob is heard from jaejoong then. it's broken, and dry. like he's done this a million times over and there's no tears left to use up anymore. and yunho can do nothing but embrace jaejoong from behind. he tilts jaejoong's chin till it faces his own, and kisses him soft. it isn't romantic as it is comforting. and it muffles jaejoong's cries. (maybe his sorrows too, if he pours enough love into it)
they settle by the wall, two men uncertain of their future. but yunho is certain of one thing. he's certain of this. because it's the most he's ever been.
yunho pries the guitar away from jaejoong, clutched too tightly it made his knuckles turn white. he gives it an experimental strum, before setting it aside. now, the faintest sound of music makes his heart ache so terribly. his once source for life is now a lethal poison coaxing him to break. jaejoong makes a faint sound of protest, but nothing more. a hand extends, strokes jaejoong's hair so gently it made him tremble. and then yunho scoots closer, until jaejoong's breath becomes the only sound he hears. he leans to the crook of jaejoong's ear, and hums a soft broken tune, a finger making its way underneath fabric to his back, and traces lyrics in the shape of wings onto it. maybe, he thought, if he pressed hard enough, ink would bleed and seep past jaejoong's skin, embedding the words so deep that maybe yunho would start believing in it himself.
and maybe they'd fly.
if i tattooed wings across our backs, would we fly together?
we would, wouldn't we? because it's you and
i - i don't matter. you're the wind and
the wind flies, like invisible swallows in the air
it'll bring gentleness, it'll bring peace,
it'll bring us together.
--
a/n so i am sick again.
this was very much inspired by chun_ji and written for her because she is awesome just like the fics she writes. ok tofu i hope you like this pile of nonsense i have written sobs i told you it was weird and if anything i blame my fever for it ???? D8 also, i blame you for planting buskers!yunjae idea into my head :p ilu ♥