Obligatory "What am I doing after high school?" post.
I have graduated. Encinal Class of 2008, we fucking MADE it!
But to be honest, having to decide everything for myself scares me. Every single thing; it's not just "Do I want to do Drama or Art?" this time--it's "What do I want to do for the rest of my life?"
What the hell do I want to do?
I'm happy that I'm finally done with high school, but I hate not knowing things. I don't know what my situation will be after this, I don't know just how much my world has switched itself all around me, and I definitely don't know how I'll react when people actually LEAVE--as in taking a 7-hour trip to the other side of California. As in getting on planes and flying across the fucking country so the only practical way of keeping in touch is through MySpace and FaceBook and phonecalls.
I don't even know what I'M heading for besides going to the Academy of Art. I don't know what I want to major in or whether I'll work harder (although I promised pretty much all of my family and teachers that I would) or if I'll even be at the Academy of Art because I've changed somewhere along the way.
But I'm not totally scared, because you know what I DO know?
I know that I'm already missing you guys in advance. Every single one of my friends is being missed right now, including the ones who are still going to Encinal for another year or three--because I won't be able to see you until the next play comes along.
I know that my real work, the kind that isn't at a desk or in a bookstore, has already started with Carousel's cast shirts and Cory's new sunglasses. If I can combine a drawing of a carousel horse with some shirts and have thirty people not only take one, but wear it without anyone but each other telling them to, then I'll keep doing that. If I can turn ordinary sunglasses into the most recognizable glasses in anime just with glue, cardboard, and paint, that means something.
I will find some way to keep doing this for the rest of my life, even if I don't make a living out of it. In fact, screw making a living out of it--I don't want my memories to be mass-marketed like souvenirs. I want people to keep what I made, even when they wear out after ten years or get broken in an accident or their roommate goes, "Oh god, I didn't know your friend made that for you in high school--do you want me to get it fixed?"
I will make objects into memories.
That's what I'm doing after high school.
-
Crossposted to MySpace.
But to be honest, having to decide everything for myself scares me. Every single thing; it's not just "Do I want to do Drama or Art?" this time--it's "What do I want to do for the rest of my life?"
What the hell do I want to do?
I'm happy that I'm finally done with high school, but I hate not knowing things. I don't know what my situation will be after this, I don't know just how much my world has switched itself all around me, and I definitely don't know how I'll react when people actually LEAVE--as in taking a 7-hour trip to the other side of California. As in getting on planes and flying across the fucking country so the only practical way of keeping in touch is through MySpace and FaceBook and phonecalls.
I don't even know what I'M heading for besides going to the Academy of Art. I don't know what I want to major in or whether I'll work harder (although I promised pretty much all of my family and teachers that I would) or if I'll even be at the Academy of Art because I've changed somewhere along the way.
But I'm not totally scared, because you know what I DO know?
I know that I'm already missing you guys in advance. Every single one of my friends is being missed right now, including the ones who are still going to Encinal for another year or three--because I won't be able to see you until the next play comes along.
I know that my real work, the kind that isn't at a desk or in a bookstore, has already started with Carousel's cast shirts and Cory's new sunglasses. If I can combine a drawing of a carousel horse with some shirts and have thirty people not only take one, but wear it without anyone but each other telling them to, then I'll keep doing that. If I can turn ordinary sunglasses into the most recognizable glasses in anime just with glue, cardboard, and paint, that means something.
I will find some way to keep doing this for the rest of my life, even if I don't make a living out of it. In fact, screw making a living out of it--I don't want my memories to be mass-marketed like souvenirs. I want people to keep what I made, even when they wear out after ten years or get broken in an accident or their roommate goes, "Oh god, I didn't know your friend made that for you in high school--do you want me to get it fixed?"
I will make objects into memories.
That's what I'm doing after high school.
-
Crossposted to MySpace.