(no subject)
When Grandad died, I thought my most favourite grandparent had died. But I'm having a much harder time of it with Nana passing away. Today grocery shopping with Pa was a strange experience, I was meant to be the "responsible" one in that situation but I don't think responsible is a word anybody describes me with!
I feel like I'm in a reverse world where I'm in a situation I put some people in years ago, and I don't feel like I can deal with it very well. I feel on the cusp of losing a very close friend L, but I don't know if I'm on the cusp of preventing it or i've just gone over the cusp into having lost her. Not in a physical way, I know where to find her, but in a mental way. I think she's fallen through my grasp on keeping her emotions and being someone she can trust.
I used to think I was a pretty smart kind of person but now I find myself always wondering silly things, like what are buttons made of and how does fairy floss work and where does the dirt under my nails come from? I feel like becoming unintelligent is my punishment for having thought I was intelligent once upon a time.
It's a very strange feeling, feeling like I'm bitching about people in my head all the time. Were people always like this, was I more tolerant, have I become less tolerant or did they get worse? I don't know.
At least I feel a little better having written it down. Sometimes I wish I had kept up my writing, I enjoyed it so perhaps I will get the habit back again. Writing it down feels like I've told it to 'something', put it into the wide wide world so somebody can read it if they like to and wonder about why somebody writes some weird things.
I feel like I'm in a reverse world where I'm in a situation I put some people in years ago, and I don't feel like I can deal with it very well. I feel on the cusp of losing a very close friend L, but I don't know if I'm on the cusp of preventing it or i've just gone over the cusp into having lost her. Not in a physical way, I know where to find her, but in a mental way. I think she's fallen through my grasp on keeping her emotions and being someone she can trust.
I used to think I was a pretty smart kind of person but now I find myself always wondering silly things, like what are buttons made of and how does fairy floss work and where does the dirt under my nails come from? I feel like becoming unintelligent is my punishment for having thought I was intelligent once upon a time.
It's a very strange feeling, feeling like I'm bitching about people in my head all the time. Were people always like this, was I more tolerant, have I become less tolerant or did they get worse? I don't know.
At least I feel a little better having written it down. Sometimes I wish I had kept up my writing, I enjoyed it so perhaps I will get the habit back again. Writing it down feels like I've told it to 'something', put it into the wide wide world so somebody can read it if they like to and wonder about why somebody writes some weird things.