(no subject)

[croonenbergh]

according to the schedule and the pattern, today was an okay day. i have had a lump in my throat for a week that wont go away. i cant cry anymore (sheryl crow). but seriously, i tried today and nothing happened. im back in that hole where i dont really know who i am. being in a relationship helped me. gave me something to care about and think about and was worth my while. until recently obviously. im not saying i need someone to care about me for me to like myself...i dont think thats what im saying. i just really enjoyed having someone there to talk to whenever i needed to talk. someone to hang out with whenever were both not busy. nothing with him will ever be the same and thats whats getting me through this. thats why its easier to move on. i know that its not worth sticking around for. its not fair at all but its the way it is.

and my presentation partner still has contacted me. its due on tuesday.

bullshit.