Fearless
No preamble this time.
I've decided I will no longer fear things.
No, that's not quite right. I've been down that path before, cutting an emotion out of my repertoire. I learned something from that...
Fear, love, hate, sadness, joy, anger, frustration, sympathy... all emotions are worthy of Human. One can't cut any one out without sacrificing some part, small or otherwise, of one's humanity. Imagine a person who decides he no longer feels love or grief or all the other subtle shades in between! Would you still call that person human?
Stones don't feel pain. Plants don't feel grief. Animals don't get heartsick. Humans, though... to be human means to take these all and more and deal with them, lash them together, make them grow and dance and do one's bidding. Emotions are integral to the human condition -- deny one and one denies One.
So I don't mean to say that I deny feeling fear. That's wildly inaccurate. What I mean to say, what I've been trying to discover for the longest time, grappling with in the dark and deepest parts of my mind, is that I will no longer be controlled by it. Nor by any other emotion, for that matter.
I see this now. That's what "I shall not fear" means. It's not that you don't feel afraid, it's that you don't fear. You don't let it control your mind. You don't let it creep in and wreck your thinking, your perception, your analysis... Fear colors all things, y'see... it alters your perception of the world, turns leaves to thieves and rain to pain. Declaring that "I shall not fear" means that I, and not the monsters who live at the edge of dreams, am still in control of my head. Oh, I don't deny the existence of the monsters -- denying them would be just as bad -- but they're not going to run me, and I'm not going to run from them.
Man. That plateau took forever to hit. But this is what I see on this plateau. Step by human step I take, ne cede mails, and up, once more, I go.
I've decided I will no longer fear things.
No, that's not quite right. I've been down that path before, cutting an emotion out of my repertoire. I learned something from that...
Fear, love, hate, sadness, joy, anger, frustration, sympathy... all emotions are worthy of Human. One can't cut any one out without sacrificing some part, small or otherwise, of one's humanity. Imagine a person who decides he no longer feels love or grief or all the other subtle shades in between! Would you still call that person human?
Stones don't feel pain. Plants don't feel grief. Animals don't get heartsick. Humans, though... to be human means to take these all and more and deal with them, lash them together, make them grow and dance and do one's bidding. Emotions are integral to the human condition -- deny one and one denies One.
So I don't mean to say that I deny feeling fear. That's wildly inaccurate. What I mean to say, what I've been trying to discover for the longest time, grappling with in the dark and deepest parts of my mind, is that I will no longer be controlled by it. Nor by any other emotion, for that matter.
I see this now. That's what "I shall not fear" means. It's not that you don't feel afraid, it's that you don't fear. You don't let it control your mind. You don't let it creep in and wreck your thinking, your perception, your analysis... Fear colors all things, y'see... it alters your perception of the world, turns leaves to thieves and rain to pain. Declaring that "I shall not fear" means that I, and not the monsters who live at the edge of dreams, am still in control of my head. Oh, I don't deny the existence of the monsters -- denying them would be just as bad -- but they're not going to run me, and I'm not going to run from them.
Man. That plateau took forever to hit. But this is what I see on this plateau. Step by human step I take, ne cede mails, and up, once more, I go.