(no subject)
Last night was nice. The entire day was wonderful. Zac came up from Rhode Island again and we went to a movie. Wasn’t very memorable, not very interesting, but it was still fun. We decided after that it’d be nice if he could stay the night, so we called around and found a hotel that wasn’t too expensive, then we went and got pizza.
I’m blown away by how much better I sleep when I’m next to him. Being able to curl up against him, or grab him and wrap my arms around him. I’ve missed him so much. It doesn’t matter if I’ve seen him once a week, there’s something different about being able to sleep next to the one you love. It’s reassuring, it’s him saying that he wants to be here, wants to be with me. If he didn’t want to be here, why would he stay? Why would he waste the money to drive up here, the money to go to a movie and get dinner? Why would he bother if he didn’t want to?
So, that was yesterday. I had to say good bye and everything this morning, wanted to sort of cry because every time he comes up and then has to leave it’s like I feel worse and miss him more. I don’t want to feel sad every time he goes. I don’t want to be stuck in a depression every time I get a little taste of what makes me happy. Maybe if I suffer now, four years from now Zac and I can be successful, can be comfortable. Maybe this will just make the relationship stronger, despite it making things difficult now. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
I have to get ready for work. I’m done at 5, thank god.
I’m blown away by how much better I sleep when I’m next to him. Being able to curl up against him, or grab him and wrap my arms around him. I’ve missed him so much. It doesn’t matter if I’ve seen him once a week, there’s something different about being able to sleep next to the one you love. It’s reassuring, it’s him saying that he wants to be here, wants to be with me. If he didn’t want to be here, why would he stay? Why would he waste the money to drive up here, the money to go to a movie and get dinner? Why would he bother if he didn’t want to?
So, that was yesterday. I had to say good bye and everything this morning, wanted to sort of cry because every time he comes up and then has to leave it’s like I feel worse and miss him more. I don’t want to feel sad every time he goes. I don’t want to be stuck in a depression every time I get a little taste of what makes me happy. Maybe if I suffer now, four years from now Zac and I can be successful, can be comfortable. Maybe this will just make the relationship stronger, despite it making things difficult now. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
I have to get ready for work. I’m done at 5, thank god.